


Fondu Au Noir

by Wander_Lust5225



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Control Issues, F/M, Possessive Harry, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-02-14 20:59:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 62,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2202936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wander_Lust5225/pseuds/Wander_Lust5225
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione and Harry Potter are in an incestuous relationship. Ron and Ginny suspect but want them anyways. Malfoy has a secret that might destroy everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Harry Potter nor am I profiting in anyway. Can find this story on adultfanfiction.net

The night is anything but peaceful. Lightning flashes lighting the common room for but a second as I enter from the halls, alighting my reflection in the window I am across from. I look eerie in this lighting, pale, thin and ghostly. I move away and across to the boys dormitory. My feet are as light as a feather as I go up the stairs hurriedly till I'm in front of his door. I carefully open the door a crack to peek inside to check if everyone is already asleep. They are. Good.

I open the door further and let myself in not bothering with a disillusioning or silencing charm. I am not afraid to be found here. If I could have my way I wouldn't even bother having a bed in the girls dorms, I would just come sleep here every night.

"Arghm!"

My eyes fall on Ronald Weasley, dead asleep and snoring outrageously. This would be the only reason I would stay away, because of these other loud, dirty, immature boys.

I look away and move again to his bed. His blood red bed curtains are drawn so I reach out and pull them back, my eyes landing on him from where I stand.

Green eyes framed behind glasses readily stare back at me. He is waiting for me, a pleasant surprise. I feel a thrill spread through my body because of this and smile at him as I climb into his bed, holding up his comforter to slip my cold body inside. Immediately the warmth of his body heat engulfs me, along with his scent which I breath in deeply. He doesn't say anything as I do this, just watches me with those eyes that look so different in the darkness.

"Harry," I say around a smile, leaning over to kiss his lips.

Harry pulls away, shushing me with his face unhappy. The smile slips from my own mouth as I eye him with question and hurt at his rejection. He sighs.

"Hermione I told you not to do this anymore." he whisper in a tired sort of voice. I frown at him, my own ire quick to react.

"I never agreed to your demands, Harry." I say, not bothering to lower my voice as he furiously shushes me as he reaches over for his wand. I couldn't care less if I woke anyone up, what matters is Harry and what has been festering in him ever since the start of school term.

" _Muffliato_! What are you doing Hermione? You could have woken everyone!"

"I don't care!" I burst out, my anger exploding in my chest.

I climb on top of him, using my arms and legs as a means to cage him in; Harry meets my stare with unwavering unimpressed gaze. It frustrates me even more. I feel like hitting him.

"Why are you doing this to me, huh, Harry? What are you punishing me for?" I ask, my face scrunching as I hear the watery edge to my voice. Harry can hear it too, I know because his eyes suddenly soften from their annoyed look. I'm just so angry that my emotions feel out of control. It's only ever like this with Harry.

"I'm not punishing you Hermione. I'm just..." He lets his sentence trail, unable to say whats really on his mind.

But I know already, have known since the start of term.

"Kiss me." I demand. The steeling set to my eyes makes it clear that I'm not looking for coyness. I want a real kiss.

Harry reaches out for me, one hand twining into my hair as he pulls me down on to lay my body on top of his, the other trailing down my spine and pushing my hips down onto his and staying there. I shiver and close my eyes as his lips move over mine.

My own hand goes to his hair as I touch my tongue to his lips for the first time. Harry's reaction shocks me.

His head jerks back as his hips go forward and I feel something, bulging from his pants. His hands are on my waist the next second and practically throwing me off beside him before he curls up on his side away from me.

I sit there stunned staring at his back for a second before I reach out to touch him.

"Harry," I say, placing my hand on his shoulder as I edge near to get a look at his face. Harry hides his face further into his pillows, and shies away from my touch.

"Go to sleep Hermione." he demands, his voice sounding muffled.

I stare down at him debating if I should listen or if I should press but... I lie my head down staring at his back. Had I really just felt what I think I felt? Harry's- _my_ Harry, my _brother_ \- erection... It was there, I'd felt it press up into me, as if straining to reach me through layers of clothing...

I blush, all the earlier anger and out of control emotions flying out of me to be replaced with something else entirely, something strange and foreign. I'm not mortified like I should be. I feel hot, strangely curious, a little bit mortified that I don't feel disgusted. There's something I can't ignore in my lower abdomen. It's getting hard to swallow and breath normally. I've never felt this before.

I feel hyper aware as I lay facing his back. He too seems to not be breathing. Is he ashamed? Guilty? Scared?

I don't want him to be. I don't want him to feel scared that I might be disgusted that he reacted that way to me because I love him more than anyone or anything. He's the only thing I have in this world and I cannot lose him.

I scoot closer to him till I'm pressed against his back. I ignore how his body stiffens as my forehead touches the spot between his shoulder blades and I slide my hand around his waist to spoon him. I close my eyes and wait to see if he'll reject my touch again.

Harry takes a hold of my hand with his own and gives it a squeeze, his body relaxing slightly. I smile softly and nestle even closer. Soon I'm lulled to sleep as thunder, lightening and rain wage war outside.

* * *

Eyes. I can feel them on me. I don't look to find whose staring. It's not cowardly, I'm not afraid of the stares, I just don't have a reason to acknowledge these eyes. They're not Harry's green eyes. I know it's not him because Harry's eyes are magnetic and instantly when I feel them my body reacts.

It's a natural reaction. One forged when were in our mother's womb. We were once one and then we were split apart but I am still him and he is still me.

I flip the page of my book comfortably despite the weight of these eyes. Being stared at is nothing new since Harry and I were brought back to the wizarding world. The-twins-who-lived, they call us. Unlike for Harry, the eyes that stare at me are no longer filled with awe and reverence. That ended in my first year when my know-it-all goody-two-shoes behavior annoyed everyone around me.

Now the eyes that stare are filled with emotions that alienate me from them. I do not mind. I will not let their ideals belittle the values I hold. They are not worth compromising my education. They are not worth compromising _anything_.

These wizards and witches that surround me, they are fickle, selfish and ignorant. They don't care about the house elves that they enslaved or the goblins they don't respect. They are fearful, spineless. They look the other way to bigotry, deeming first generation wizards and witches as muggleborns, and unwilling to try and modernize their world, treating what they deem as 'half-breed's like werewolves and centaurs with inequality.

It's what I'm reading about now, reviewing their backwards laws and decrees with blatant disdain in the archive section of the library while I wait for Harry to come so we can walk down to the Great Hall together. He's coming all the way from the Quidditch field so I know it will take him awhile.

I would have liked for him not to do Quidditch at all. When he got the seeker position in our first year I had a go at him. We rowed like never before. I tried reasoning with him citing all the dangers and the negative effects it would have on his schooling. When that didn't work I started yelling and threatening him, saying I wouldn't speak to him anymore. He'd gotten angry then and I'd started to cry and beg him but he still did it. It had been the first time Harry had denied me anything and it hurt worse than any curse.

We still fight about it because no matter what I will never like the sport and I'll always try to sabotage his chances of playing. He shouldn't be doing things that will damage his body; he should be here with me instead, taking an interest in the things that matter like the laws that surround this world we live in and the changes that need to be made in our society.

Plus, I hate the way that Ginny Weasley clings to him. She thinks she's in love with him. I could spot her greedy pathetic affections for him from a mile away. It's ridiculous really. She doesn't even know Harry! So what, they play the same barbaric sport and he's sort of friends with her brother! It doesn't make her anymore special then the other girls that want a piece of the 'wizarding hero'!

But she thinks she's special. I can see it on her face and its getting worse and worse as the years go by. I have to grudgingly admit that Harry might be nicer to her then the other girls because he's been getting closer and closer with Ronald. This is annoying in itself since Ronald and I have never been able to see eye to eye. To me, he's an incompetent, loud-mouthed, buffoon. Many times he'd butt in when I'm trying to convince Harry to not do something daft. I'll admit I get shirty with him easily because he's an outsider and has no business getting involved in anything that has to do with Harry.

Harry likes him though. I don't really understand why or how his came to be but he does so I have to put up with his presence at least two times a day. Thankfully, Harry always comes to me at the library alone. I know that Ron is not the only person who finds it barmy how close we are with each other; that Harry would go all the way from the field to the library just so we can go to dinner together when he passes it on his way to get me. His relationship with his sister is nothing like ours but his twin brothers help him to understand surprisingly more than I would give him credit for. He never bothers Harry about it; if he'd did I'd sort him out quickly.

I flip another page and scribble an interesting tidbit onto my parchment to review for later. I notice then that the feeling of being watched is still present but I still don't raise my eyes because-to be frank- I can't be bothered enough to care. Harry is late to come pick me up which is not a big deal. It happens sometimes and I'm a grown woman who can walk to the great hall by herself.

I just don't like it very much. Harry is my other half and I want to be around him as much as possible. I like seeing his face, hearing him laugh and talk more than I like anything else in this world. Other's-whether it be man or woman-feel the same way. They all know that Harry is special.

I pack my belongings and head to the Great Hall sans him. As I walk the halls other faces pass by, staring with their beady eyes as always. I walk with my eyes straight and my shoulders back. I know this gives me an unapproachable air and I wield this like a sword around this castle. I don't want to be approached and hear these witless peoples thoughts. I had enough of that my first year in the wizarding world.

Once inside the Great Hall it is apparent that the Qudditch team have not yet finished their practice since none of them are in sight. Annoyance bubbles in me as a take a seat a little apart from everyone else at the Gryffindor table facing the exit so I can see when Harry comes in. Angelina must be pushing them hard again which means that Harry will be too tired to sneak out and sleep with me tonight. I hate it when I have to sleep alone in the girls dormitory. It means a restless night unless I can manage to get Madam Pomfrey to give me a dreamless sleep draught.

I notice Malfoy come in looking pale and ferrety as usual. I don't expect him to look this way so I'm surprised when he does and our eyes meet. I'm grateful that I hadn't taken a bite of food yet or I'd have choked. His face is void of its usual sneer that he wears when he looks at me, in fact, it seems almost as if he is about to smile. I don't trust it and find myself not tearing my eyes away from his gaze as he makes his way to his table.

It's no secret the disdain Malfoy feels towards us. He's gotten Harry into more detentions then Ronald can count and he loves to insult me and my classroom tendency's any chance he can get. He irks me to no end. Not because of the immature comments he makes about me- I can take any bout of criticism or insults- its the way he treats Harry and the way that he loves to goad him into trouble. It's unacceptable in my book.

I'm distracted from our little stare off at the entrance doors reopening. The Quidditch team enter impressively in their gear chatting amicably with flushed dirty faces. I spot Harry among them easily, a Weasley on either side. He's smiling down at Ginny whose talking excitedly to him, reveling in his attention. I see clearly the moment Ginny decides to take initiative and places her hand on Harry's arm as she gives him a womanly smile.

I'm up out of my seat in the next beat. Eyes are on me again but I don't feel them. I feel anger and disgust at this girls' filthy intentions. My eyes are locked on Harry who finally gazes back at me as I approach.

"Hermione," His green eyes are surprised as they meet mine and I hold them with a glaring force.

Without a word, I snatch the arm Ginny is still touching and pull him away heading for the Great Hall doors. I can imagine what they all must be saying in there now. 'There she goes again! That bossy Hermione Potter is always dragging Harry off some place! Probably forcing the poor bloke to study in the library for an exam half a year away without his dinner! Merlin, what a bitch!'

I've heard those exact words uttered before. I do not care. Let them say whatever petty things that come to their minds; they just don't understand.

Ginny wouldn't say these things, though. No, the red-haired love-sick fool would think herself too above the gossip but she'll be staring after us with clenched fists. I just know it. She'll be wondering where I've taken him and why and what exactly is wrong with me that I have to butt into their time together at every chance I get.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" I can hear his concern in his voice but I don't answer as I march us away. I take the secret passageway behind a tapestry to get us three floors up and away from everyone else but it doesn't seem far enough. I'm pulling at him incessantly, my minds eye making me paranoid picturing Ginny chasing after us.

"Hermione!" Harry digs his heels in, easily stopping me as he places his arms on my shoulders and turns me to face him. His eyes search my own earnestly worried but its not enough. I wiggle out of his grip and slide into his arm, nestling myself against his chest. I breathe in his scent. It's a clean smell, his smell. Familiar and comforting.

"Hermione?" His hand gently holds the back of my head, sliding his hand soothingly over my hair as his other arm holds me. "Did something happen?"

"No," I reply holding myself against him for a second more before pulling back to look at him. "Are you not going to meet with me in the room of requirement tonight?"

Harry looks away from me and I'm instantly annoyed. I know what he's going to say before he even says it.

"I don't think that I will, Hermione, and you shouldn't come to my room again if I don't come. We keep getting really close to being caught and I don't want to risk it."

"Since when did a little risk stop you from doing something? Why don't you tell me what you're really thinking Harry?" I wait for him to say it, to be honest with me and tell me that he thinks we're getting too old to sleep in each other's beds. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't realize how well I can read him.

My face morphs into one of disappointed anger and I turn sharply on my heel and walk away knowing full well that Harry will chase me.

"Don't be mad at me, Hermione, please! I just..."

A flurry of unforgiving rage sweeps through me. I quickly spin around and harshly grab hold of his wrist before I burst open the closest door to us and push him inside, using momentum to then slam him against the wall where I harshly slap my hand right next to his head. Harry doesn't even wince at any of this, just watches me fixedly behind his bespectacled eyes.

"I know exactly what your 'just' means! You think you're out growing me and that you don't need me anymore-"

"No, you're wrong Hermione," he interrupts, his voice brooking no room for arguments. It's a tone rarely used on me, normally it's vice-versa. I know that my words aren't true but I'm looking to get a rise of him so he's aggravated into confessing whatever issue he's been having. His response isn't as satisfying as I would have liked for it to be. I give him an unimpressed glare.

"Am I? You've got a funny way of showing me I'm wrong. Your actions actually convey that I am one hundred percent right! You've been spending a lot more time with the Gryffindor quidditch team-"

"That's because we're trying to win every game before Christmas break!" I ignore him, talking over him pointedly.

"-And, _and_ , you don't get to the Room of Requirement until way later when you know perfectly well that I'm waiting for you to come! You know I can't sleep until you get there and yet you still don't care. Then you have the nerve to get mad at me when I go to your room instead! You spend forever chatting with the massive idiot Weasley or playing that barbaric wizards chess! And you let that Weasley girl flirt with you all the time!"

Finally Harry looks away and there's a hint of guilt on his face. He can't deny it because he knows I'm right. Finally, he has given me something I can work with to push him closer to the truth I'm craving. I move closer to him still, completely invading his space as I glare into his eyes.

"Is this because of what happened last night?" I ask roughly, putting the real issues at hand to the fore front so they can't be avoided. Harry blanched, squeezing his eyes shut as if I physically struck him with my words.

"Don't," he bit out, muscle in his jaw clenching, "just don't."

"Harry, I don't care about it!" I say, my eyes trying to connect with his so he can see the truth in them. "I could never be upset at anything you do to me!" I lay my forehead on his. "You could kill me and I wouldn't even mind. I love you, Harry. We are all each other have."

"Hermione." he breathes, sounding tired. I press a kiss to his lips. He doesn't move, doesn't breath. I don't care, his lips feel soft and his scent is surrounding me. He pulls his head away and easily escapes from my arms.

"I have to go Hermione. Dinner is going to end soon." he excuses pathetically, his eyes not meeting mine as he quickly escapes from me. I watch him go, silent, lips pressed into a hard line. I don't like this. I _hate_ this distance.

But I let him go.

I stand there for a few minutes to breath, to calm myself. When I feel ready I open up the door and head back to the library. The sick churning feeling in my gut that's screaming at me to fix whatever this is with Harry is one that can only fade away with the distraction of books. I need this distraction.

Since I already finished all my reading and homework for school I debate in my head which my own pet project I should throw myself into. Should I further my ideas for S.P.E.W? Start an outline on all the laws and decrees in the ministry and the pros and cons of them?

The library smell gives me a great comfort. I place my things in my favorite spot and roam the shelves for the books I need, all the while trying _not_ to think of Harry. I levitate a bunch of thick tombs back to my table. _Tort reforms and Alternatives: Magical Creatures_ is the first that I crack open along with an archive of dropped cases involving werewolves.

I start to read but the words aren't sticking in my mind. I keep seeing Harry's face- eyes downcast, body language uncomfortable and defensive- and it _hurts_. I'm frustrated with it all. How did this happen? Why? When did everything change?

As twins, we have always been close. We never left each other's side, sharing the pain of the Dursley's abuse... I just don't understand it. We have always, _always_ , done everything together, needed each other, needed the comfort of the others touch to compensate for the Dursley's harsh hands.

How could Harry actually expect me to accept his behavior when it had no reasoning and made no sense? It's not a question of him not needing me anymore. He will always need me, so why?

Since summer Harry has been like this and I just can't stand it any longer. Every time I press for answers, demand a reason, forcibly act like nothing is wrong, he reacts negatively and draws further away. I scrub my face with frustration, letting out a little scream of indignation as I pull on the roots of my hair.

I feel desperate. Scared.

What if Harry pulls so far away and I'm left dead in the water?

I shudder as something hard and heavy settles in my stomach.

But Harry would never do that to me. He knows...he wouldn't. Couldn't.

I take a deep breath, remove my elbows from the table and stare down at the open pages before me. I force those treacherous feelings down and concentrate on the words before me.

_Tort: Common Law Werewolves Series_

_Mandatory Registration- All werewolves must register as a werewolf to the Ministry of Magic and be issued a Werewolf Identification Card sixty days after first transformation. Failure to comply will result in a 10,000 galleon fine that must be paid within thirty days. Failure to pay within the thirty days will result in a 10% increase each day fine goes unpaid. Risk of arrest after three years._

_Worker Torts:_

_Workers Right \- Werewolf may apply for a Werewolf Workers Right Card. If approved, werewolf pays first installment of 500 galleons, second installment of 50 galleons._

_Shopkeepers Privilege- Shopkeepers have the right to deny work to all werewolves (registered or unregistered) unless werewolf has a Ministry appointed Werewolf Workers Right Card._

_Assumption of Ris k- If plaintiff voluntarily and knowingly hires a werewolf it bars and reduces plaintiffs's right to recovery against a werewolf if werewolf can prove plaintiff knowingly assumed the risks at issue inherent to the dangers of the werewolf._

I continue reading, falling into a familiar pattern as I scribble the torts furiously on my parchment, meticulously highlighting with different colors the torts that need the most work. The issue of Harry slowly slipping away if only for a little while.

* * *

I blink my eyes sleepily, finding complete darkness all around me, my head resting on the pages of a book. It's not the first time that I've fallen asleep in the library and won't be last. Every time I have fallen asleep here, Harry would come and get me, carry me to the room of requirement so we can sleep properly.

My heart responds to the thought that even despite his earlier coldness, Harry has still come to get me. I sit up, still sleep muddled, to find a dark mass beside me as I expected.

"Harry," I say with a sleepy loving smile. "you came for me."

I reach out for him eagerly.

"Wrong."

I freeze, my hand stilling in mid air as an icy fear grips my heart. My mind goes blank as I stare up in terror at the figure, the image distorting into a big fat menacing giant towering over me. I react, flinging myself backward without a sound, bumping my elbow on the corner of the table on the way down. Despite the pain, I don't make a sound.

The towering mass doesn't speak as it normally should. It petrifies me further. It moves closer and I scramble away like a crab until I bump harshly against a bookcase.

I press my lips together as I press back against the shelves, the hard edges of books digging into my skin. The mass is upon me. I close my eyes and turn my head away, barely even breathing. Nausea is building up in me, along with a bleakness, a disgust, a horrible debilitating repulsion. I whirl in these oppressive feelings as the mass does nothing.

And then I feel it, something touching my face. I squeeze my eyes tighter, my hands clenched so tightly my nails are digging into my skin. The nausea threatens to spill over and there's only one retreat from this, one way to escape. _Harry._

"Potter, open your eyes."

I concentrate on Harry. He's here with me. I can feel him.

"Potter, snap out of it!"

His heart beating in time with mine, or hands clasped tightly, fingers interlaced and were floating, our naked bodies hovering in a black abyss. Like inside our mother's womb.

"Potter! Oh, sod it..."

I could stay like this forev- _Slap!_

My head whips to the side with the force of the hit, smacking into the shelf behind. I blink furiously as tears of pain swell in my eyes.

"Shit- didn't mean to hit you that hard." A casual voice drawls not sounding all that apologetic. "Then again you can consider it payback for hitting me in third year."

I know this voice. That pompous drawl marred by a hint of anxiety and that foul arrogant way of speaking can only belong to one.

" _Malfoy_?" I hiss, my eyes adjusting now to the darkness to make out his tell-tale platinum blond hair.

"Five points to Gryffindor for stating the obvious." I ignore his sarcasm, my eyes noting the blankness of his face and the cold gray eyes fixed on my forehead.

"What are you doing here? It's past curfew, you know." I hiss, wincing at the throbbing pain that suddenly shot through my temple now that my shock wore off.

"I can ask you the same thing, Potter, if I didn't already know that you feel asleep studying like a good little know-it-all bookworm. Besides, it's my night to do prefect rounds, did you forget? Tsk, tsk, you're losing your touch."

I grit my teeth in annoyance. The insolent smirk on his face makes want to slap him and he's kneeling way to close to me, still trapping me against the bookcase. I huff in annoyance and nearly choke on it as Malfoy's foreign scent invades my nose. He smells nothing like Harry. He smells rich and clean and a hint manly with some cologne.

In all the years I've been at Hogwarts I've never encountered another's male scent like this and it throws me off. I'm used to the smells around me of my housemates. I'm very sensitive to them and I don't mind their scent because it's familiar. Maybe because Malfoy wears an undoubtedly expensive cologne I feel out of my element?

"What? No retort, Pott-"

"Get away from me Malfoy." I push him away as I speak without breathing, about to stand. Two hands clamp down on my shoulders, holding me still and my eyes shoot up to Malfy's face looming over me, a sliver of the moonlight hitting half of his face. His eyes are hard as they meet mine, his mouth sneering down at me. The earlier panic returns at full force as his scent surrounds me again at my gasping breathing.

"Is that any way to talk to a prefect that just caught you in the library after hours?"

Its ridiculously hard for me to breath. I can't seem to get the air into my lungs properly because his scent is too overwhelming. My throat feels tight, closed off to the point where I can't speak to tell Malfoy to bug off.

I can see him noticing all this and he's watching as if it's its an interesting sitcom show. Oh, god, I think I'm going to pass out. I blink away the tears I didn't even know where pooling in my eyes, blurring the whole world.

"You really are losing it, aren't you, Potter? Having panic attacks just from being alone in the dark with a boy who's not your brother. You're really pitiful." Is it my panicked state that makes his voice sound almost tender? The hands on my shoulder slowly rub down my arms and back up in a soothing matter but I know this can't be.

"Get...away..." I gasp out, relieved to be expelling some air not contaminated by his scent. One of his hands leave me and then a sensation runs throughout my body, making a tremor shoot down my spine.

I'm powerless as my whole body relaxes and my breathing returns to normal. Unable to control my relaxed muscles I slump forward right into Malfoy's arms. I know that he used some sort of spell on me, most likely the _laxo corpus_ charm. I'm irrationally mad that Malfoy would actually cast a spell on a fellow prefect even if it is not a dangerous one.

I wish I could push myself off of him but-similar tp _pertfiicus totalus-_ the _laxo corpus_ charm renders the body unable to move, relaxing the muscles to such a state its like becoming boneless, even the tongue can't function so I can't even tell Malfoy off.

"There- much better, right, Potter?" the prat dares to say with that damnable smirk on his face. I wish I can signify in any way how much I would like to turn him back into a ferret. He laughs meanly at my helplessness, his gray eyes alight with joy at my expense. "You know, I like you much better this way. Speechless and pliant." he says nearly startling me out of my skin as his arms wrap around me as he stands up, carrying me like a princess.

I'm in utter disbelief as my head lulls back, and even more so when he reaches out to place my head against his chest and my arms tucked across my stomach so they're not hanging. Then his hand flicks awkwardly in his hand and all my things are neatly packed and levitating in front of us.

I completely don't understand this situation. I fervently wish I had control over at least my voice so I can ask Malfoy what in the world he is playing at? Not only is he semi helping me by forcing my body to relax from its panicked state, but instead of levitating me, he's carrying me like a princess instead of just leaving me there like I would normally expect Malfoy to do.

Everything about this is odd. This goes against Malfoy's typical behavior. I scramble my mind for a reasoning as he carries me down the hallways heading for Gryffindor tower.

His heartbeat is a steady thump against my ear. I'm aware of every part of my body touching his. His hands, large hands, with long fingers are against the bare skin of my thighs, the other curled around the slope of my shoulder. I can feel the movement of his legs as he walks. His strides are very long. His body is surprising big. Being in his arm is nothing like being in Harry's. I'm dwarfed here.

Only Harry as ever held me like this. He's carried me as I slept from the library to the Room of Requirements so we can sleep. And when we do our bodies a line perfectly because we just fit together like a matching puzzle piece. Most people think Harry is short because standing next to the tall lanky form of Ronald Weasley Harry seems dwarfed and almost weak looking.

But he's strong. He can easily carry me to the Room of Requirement even if its just a ways down from the library.

Malfoy carries me easily all the way from the library to Gryffindor Tower. The fat lady is snoring away as we approach. My world momentarily turns tospsy turvy as Malfoy maneuvers me so that I'm slumped vertically against the wall next to the portrait hole. As he does this hands trail up my legs, over my back, seemingly everywhere.

If my body wasn't so relaxed I know I'd be having another panic attack. When he's down, Malfoy's enter length is pressed up against me, holding my body up with his. His hard chest is pressed over my own. I'm aware of how different his body is from mine and from Harry's. He's wider, taller, and seemingly stronger. It puts me on edge. It frightens me.

I want Harry.

I want to push him away from me with all my might. My head falls forward to Malfoy's chest and his smell invades me again. I feel disgusted. I wonder if Malfoy is doing this as some sort of punishment or if he's doing this to generally help me. Does he realize how much I hate that he has touched me like this? Does he know how much it makes my skin crawl that his hands have ran up my skin?

No one has ever so much as held my hand other than Harry, let alone put there hand on my waist and wrapped their arms around me.

Malfoy removes one hand to claps my jaw and lift my face up to his.

I can't really make out his expression in this darkness but I can feel his eyes on roaming my face. I want to ask him what he's looking for...why he's holding me like this and why he hasn't let me go yet...

His face slowly descends closer and closer and closer still. I can feel his breath ghosting over my lips and...oh god is he going to kiss me? The thudding of my heartbeat is so loud in this darkness. He's breathing pretty fast himself and I hate how we're breathing in each others breaths. And then I can feel him moving closer, past my lips, his cheek sliding against my own and his breathing is stirring my hair. I can feel his hot breath against the shell of my ear. It feels intimate and I _hate_ it.

He hovers there for moment just breathing. Surrounding himself in me as I'm forced to be surrounded by him. That repulsion is back, making me feel nauseous all over again. What is he going to do to me now? What ideas is he coming up with in his head?

And then I feel his lips on my ear.

" _Finite._ "

Malfoy wrenches himself away from me as he says the spell and the sudden release coupled with his sudden departure has me crashing down to the floor along with my belongs that he let fall to the floor.

I look up to find him already down the hall with those massive strides. I scramble through my things for my wand, my greedy fingers curling around it as I point it at Malfoy's back.

My hands are shaking and I know I look a total fright. It's all Malfoy's fault. I want to hex him. Hurt him so bad he'll have to be sent to the hospital wing. I keep my wand trained as best as I can on him with all of my trembling until he turns the corner down the stairs. Even then I still keep my wand up as I force myself to gather my things in case he chose to come back.

I should have hexed him. I should of hexed him.

I keep thinking this as I hurriedly pick up my things with one arm, then speak the password to enter. Only when the portrait hole is closed behind me-fat lady grumbling all the while- do I lower my wand.

I stumble back against the wall of the little tunnel and take a steadying breath. I'm back, safe, in my tower where Harry is close by. _Harry_. I'm immediately angry at him.

Why didn't he come get me from the library? How could he just go to bed without finding out if I was in the tower or not? And now look what happened... _Malfoy_...

I shiver as I collapse down onto the sofa in front of the fireplace. For a moment I feel Malfoy's hands roaming up my leg, his body pressed against mine, all over again. My anger intensifies. If Harry had come for me then this wouldn't have happened at all but no-Harry just has to try to distance himself from me.

I turn my head to look at the boys staircase. I'm tempted to go up there and crawl into Harry's bed but I won't. Not tonight.

Let him wake up alone!

I climb up the girls staircase and to my bed. I meticulously put my clothes away and wash myself until I'm satisfied. When I finally crawl into bed, the canopy drapes pulled all around me, I wonder who is really being punished being alone in their bed.

The answer is an easy one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry loses his cool and Hermione makes a decision.

My reflection in the mirror is like a strangers. I blankly stare at myself as I brush my teeth. There's a bruise on my forehead. It sticks out unpleasantly against my skin as does the darkness around my eyes. I woke up filled with anger. Some of it is because of Malfoy. Most of it is because of Harry.

I rinse out my mouth, brush my un-manageable hair, grab my things and leave the dorm. No one is awake. It's still quite early-probably about an hour before the early risers get up.

I go to breakfast. Eat without tasting. Mostly I'm thinking. What to do about Harry? Do I ignore him? Give him a taste of his own medicine? Or do I confront him? I want to _punish_ him. I want him to feel guilty for everything he's been putting me through. I want him to feel so bad that he never even thinks of pulling anything like this ever again. Then we can go back to how we used to be.

And Malfoy. Suddenly, I'm at a loss with him. I don't know what to think about him anymore. I had categorized him a certain way in my mind with the knowledge I gained noting things about him over the years but it all seemed for not. Nothing that I knew about Malfoy ever suggested he would ever have an interest in me. I don't even know what it is that he displayed last night.

The only reason for acting that way would be to harass me in a new sexual way because it certainly couldn't be that he fancied me. I am not the fancying type nor do I want to be. The only type I am is the type to get bullied but you'd be wrong and sorry to try and bully me. Malfoy has tried which is why I think the only logical reason for invading my personal space after stripping me of all my power is to torment me in a new way that would actually hurt me since none of his previous ways could.

People start piling in for breakfast, mostly Ravenclaws. I realize that I'm running out of time in deciding what approach I should take with Harry. In the past, before this all happened, the best way to hurt Harry would be to ignore him. However, for some unknown reason, Harry seems to want me to ignore him-which makes that punishment to not be one at all. In fact, its more of a punishment for me.

More people are coming in. Malfoy is one of them. I watch him as he enters with his lackey's in tow. I grit my teeth at how at ease he looks-not at all ashamed or guilty for what he did. His eyes meet me as he walks to his table and instead of looking away he smirks- _smirks_ \- and inclines his head toward me like we're old time pals.

Anger so potent I feel it will could set this whole castle on fire rages through me. I glare at him and his smirk turns into a lecherous little grin. I shoot up from my seat, startling a few people at the table, and grab my things. I need to get out of there before I duel Malfoy. I'm almost to the entrance doors when they open and I see the only other person that could come close to the hatred I feel for Malfoy.

"Oh, Hermione!" Ginny Wealsey says, breaking off from her friends with a quick word and walking right up to me. She looks beautiful as always with her long, thick red hair, and nicely shaped legs.

I want to just pretend I didn't hear her- give her a snub and walk right on by- but I can't as she steps right in front of me.

"You're down here already? Harry has been waiting for you back in the common room. Though I think my brother was starting to convince him to leave when I left. He'd bug Harry all day if he missed breakfast waiting for you."

"Well no one told him he had to wait with Harry. He could have just come down by himself!" I snap. The nerve of these Weasley's! As if its my fault they have an incessant need to follow Harry around!

Ginny gives me an odd look.

"Well, of course, he'd wait with Harry, they're best mates. You go to eat meals with your best mates." She talks to me as if this is the most obvious thing in the world. As if the concept would be foreign to me since I so obviously don't have any best friends.

My hands clench at my sides and I want to hex her pretty face with a million boils. I walk away from her without another word.

"Oh, by the way," she calls after me as I force my feet to stop, "I don't know if Harry has told you this already, but, he's coming to our house for Christmas break this year."

I spin around, busy hair hitting my face, as I stomp back to her. She doesn't outwardly seem smug, but the look in her eyes is one of triumph.

"What," I screech, feeling my heart plummet a thousand miles in my chest. She smiles a factitious upturn of her lips.

"Yeah, mum wrote Ron telling him to invite Harry over for Christmas break and he said he'd love to go if you can come as well. Mum said yes to you both but if you don't feel comfortable going-"

"Of course I'd love to come. I won't feel uncomfortable at all." _Bitch._

"Oh, brilliant then. I'll tell mum you said yes."

I turn around stiffly. I've never been angrier at my brother than in this moment. I'm so angry I don't know what to do. I'm so angry I could cry.

I leave with no destination in mind. Christmas. With the Weasley's. I see what Harry wants now. He wants to be a part of the Weasley family. He wants Ginny to like him, he wants Ron to be like his brother. He wants to be a part of that loving family. He wants more than me. He wants to not need me.

"Are you going to cry, Potter? Did Weaslette tell you she's tying the knot with your brother?"

I don't freeze up when I hear his voice this time. I don't care. My blood is boiling. My heart is tearing. I want to hurt someone. I want someone to hurt me.

He glides up to me with that infuriating smirk. I glare up at him with eyes full of hate. Suddenly I'm in his face without a care to height difference.

"You're a loathsome little ferret Malfoy. You're pathetic. There's not a person on this planet that gives a shit about you except for you deranged mother-"

"Shut the hell up, Potter, before you say something you'll regret." Malfoy's voice is low, dangerous.

"I hate you Malfoy. Everybody hates you. Even your pathetic simpering mother must hate you a little too since you look so much like daddy dearest-"

Malfoy's hands are on me in a second, pushing me harshly against the wall. I'm prepared though with my wand digging into his neck.

"Then it looks like you and I are one and the same then, aren't we? No one here can stand you any more than they can stand me. Even your precious brother wants to get away from you, isn't that right? Trading you in for that Weasley lot. It's hilarious-"

"Say another word about Malfoy..." I hiss, just aching to hex him six ways to hell. "At least my father isn't a death eater rotting away in Azkaban. At least the legacy of my family isn't something people whisper about behind their hands and I can walk around freely in public. What has your mother been doing all by herself in that big lonely manor? It's shocking she hasn't just killed herself alre-"

I'm not prepared when Malfoy physically lifts me up with both hands to slam me back against the wall again and again. I see stars for a moment before I remember the wand in my hand. I cast a shield that repels Malfoy away harshly and I'm sickly satisfied when his head slams with an audible sound against the hard floors.

He groans from the floor, his head probably throbbing just as badly as my own. I keep my wand trained on him at all times as he slowly sits up, rubbing his head and wincing when he touches a sore spot.

"You don't get to push me around again Malfoy." I spit, making him glare up at me.

"What? Disgusted that someone else other than your precious brother has touched you?"

"Shut your mouth about Harry, Malfoy, or I-"

"What, Potter? Gonna go on about my mother? You're such a bloody hypocrite!"

"You're the one who started it Malfoy!" I bellow. He's up for the floor in a split second and I eye him suspiciously.

"And I'm going to finish it." His voice sounds deadly, his face so cold and serious. I don't really understand what he means. "You'll want to watch out. I know your weakness now. I remember how you froze up like a pathetic little fawn last night. Trembling like a leaf from me just touching you."

"If you try that ever again Malfoy, I'll tell the headmaster and have you expelled."

"Oh relax, Potter. You make it sound like I raped you...actually I was doing you a favor." His smirk is begging to be slapped off.

"You not only backed me up into a bookcase, you rendered me immobile and then had fun putting your filthy hands all over me and contaminating my space!"

"Oh stop being such a virgin! So I felt your leg! Big fucking deal! I didn't grab your breasts or finger your pussy!"

"Shut up Malfoy! You made me feel _powerless_. You did all those things on your own. You could have just left me alone! I didn't need your help! And now you say you know my weakness. What are you planning on corning me again in some dark place and raping me?"

I blanch as Malfoy outright laughs in my face.

"You think way too highly of yourself! I would never be able to get it up with you. That thing on top of your head alone is enough to turn me off not to mention that hole in your face. You sound like McGonagall." He shivers dramatically.

A sense of relief floods through me. I don't want ever Malfoy lusting after me.

"So then why did you practically kiss me last night? What was that at the portrait hole?"

Something in Malfoy's face changes and turns insidious. It makes me take a step back and grip my wand tighter. He moves closer and I erect another shield in between us so he can't get too close to me. He gives a darkly amused look at this but walks all the way up to it.

"It was dark in that hallway, wasn't it? So I couldn't see your hair, and you were conveniently unable to talk..."

He stares at my face, reading the horrified look in my eyes before he starts to walk away.

"Watch yourself, Potter. If I ever catch you that vulnerable again..."

My shield falls. I stand there blankly for a moment. My nerves are beyond frazzled. I don't understand Malfoy. I don't understand Harry.

I go to class that is, thankfully, without Slytherins but unfortunately has Harry. He's waiting for me outside the classroom with an annoyed Ronald Weasley by his side. Something in me snaps at the sight of them. Can Harry no longer be without a Weasley by his side? Can he not stand to be alone with me anymore?

When he sees me he immediately stands up from the wall and his careful expression immediately irks me further. I'm trembling, my emotions running wild. In this moment I think I hate him a little bit. He must see this because his eyes are now no longer cautious but worried.

"Hermione?" he starts to head toward me but I point my wand at him and erect the same shield I used with Malfoy on him. Behind him, Ronald lets out a loud Oy!

I let all the betrayal, all my anger and pain show on my face because I can't hide it from him. He watches, his green eyes wide on the other side of the shield and I can see it on his face that he knows he messed up, he just can't fathom right now how much, he has no idea.

"Stay away from me." I whisper it with a trembling voice as my eyes glare into his. I'm serious and he knows it. He opens his mouth to speak, his hands outstretched in begging manner but I turn away and enter the classroom to quickly sit in an almost full table beside Lavender and Parvati so he cant sit next to me.

Harry and Ron immediately follow and I see Harry start to come over to me but Professor McGonagall is in front of the classroom ready to start the lesson in less than thirty seconds when the clock strikes nine.

Harry's hand clamps down on my shoulder and I instinctively jerk away and practically on Lavender.

"Hermione-" Harry sounds so hurt but I'm beyond the point of reaching.

"Mr. Potter! Please take your seat! Class is starting now." I glare at Harry expectantly, ready for him to go sit down.

I'm infinitely surprised when he turns those green eyes to the professor even as his hand grips onto my upper arm.

"I need to talk to my sister." He demands, his voice brooking no room for argument.

"Mr. Potter! You can talk to Ms. Potter after class." I wrench out of his grip again.

"Go sit down, Harry!" I hiss, completely appalled. All of the eyes of the classroom are staring at us with disbelief and I feel mortified. His eyes flick to mine.

"No." He says and I don't know if its to me or Professor McGonagall. He pulls me up and out of my seat before I can even blink dragging us away.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Potter unhand Ms. Potter and take your seat at once or it'll be fifty points from Gryffindor and detention for a month!"

Harry doesn't even pause as he drags us out. I try to get out but his grip just tightens. The door to the classroom slams shut behind us to deter Professor McGonagall's pursuit for us.

"Harry, let me go right now!" I screech shocked and infuriated by his behavior but Harry is ignoring me too as he uses his free hand to whip out his invisibility cloak. I try to use this as a chance to break away but Harry is too fast, pulling me into him and wrapping us both in the invisibility cloak just as the door burst open and a pissed off McGonagall steps out.

I'm about to open my mouth to speak but Harry has managed to wrap one arm around my waist to grip my wrist as the other wraps around my shoulder to cover my mouth.

Professor McGonagall stomps down the hallway as Harry pulls us back to the far side of the wall. Some students are peeking their heads out the door to stare after McGonagall.

When McGonagall reaches the end of the hall she looks around for us with visible anger before she bellows out 'fifty points from Grynffindor!' Quickly she turns back and heads into her classroom, ordering the students back into their seats with notable bite as the door slams shut.

Harry doesn't let me go so I struggle in his grasp, trying to awkwardly elbow his side.

"Hermione, stop, stop! Listen to me, alright?" I continue to struggle, making it clear that I would not be listening to him. I feel him sigh. "Okay, I tried to be nice. _Silencio!_ "

I cry out in indignation which obviously makes no sound. Harry lets go of my mouth and whips off the invisibility cloak, still keeping a tight grip on my wrist. I can't believe his audacity as I spin around to face him. I want to hit him but we both know that I never would. I point at my mouth and then at the door but Harry just shakes his head as he stuffs the invisibility cloak back in his back and fixes his askew glasses.

"No, I'm not taking off the silencing spell and we're not going back to class. We need to talk."

He starts off again, dragging me along behind him. I'm beyond infuriated...in fact, I've just become numb with shock staring at Harry's back. Harry peeks back at me and a balefully meet his gaze. He frowns and speeds up his pace.

We're in front of the Room of Requirement a moment later. He holds onto me still as he thinks up a room for it to change into. When the door appears, he quickly enters, dragging us inside. It's the same room that we've been coming to since we learned of this rooms existence, one that we made up together when we both yearned for a safe place to rest.

It's much like the Gryffindor Common room. Cozy with a red and gold pattern but with a nice queen sized bed in the middle along with bookcases and Quidditch gear and supplies.

The door to the room slowly shrinks away but I wish for it back so I can make a run for it as soon as Harry lets me go. I can't stand to be around him right now. Not with my back still throbbing after Malfoy bashed me against the wall and not after all the times Harry has pushed me away. Harry drags me over to an armchair and pushes me down into it.

I glare at him and immediately make to stand but Harry just flicks his wand and the arms of the armchair wrap around me, holding me down. He then flicks his wand and finite his silencing charm.

"Let me go right now, Harry!" I screech as I thrash in the chair. I am thoroughly tired of being pushed around and manhandled. "I hat-"

" _Don't_!" His voice sounds pained and I stop to look at him. He meets my eyes with ones that are pain filled and sorry but I don't feel any sympathy. "Don't look at me like that. Tell me what I did, Her-"

"Should I start with how you've treated me like rubbish all year?" I easily break in, ready for this fight, ready to lay it into him. "How you pushed me away without a real explanation, without any reason! You made me feel unloved! Who will love me if you don't, Harry? No one!"

"No, Hermione. Don't say that! Of course I love you! You're being ridic-"

"Don't you dare! Don't call me ridiculous! It's the way you made me feel! You chose the Weasley's over me! You let Ginny Weasley feel superior to me in regard to your affections. And then to add some more insult to injury it had to be her to tell me that you decided to go to the Weasley's for Christmas!"

"I knew that's what this is about. Listen, Hermione, the Weasley's-"

"Stop right there, Harry. Don't you dare defend the Weasley's in front of me." My voice is dangerous, cold as ice. Harry blinks at me, thrown by my tone of voice before his face to gets cold.

"You're being petty, Hermione. Immature-" I ignore him, refusing to hear his words as I talk over him- a competition on who can talk over who.

"You don't know what you're talking about Harry-"

"You're jealous and that's making you act unreasonable-"

"Shut up right now, Harry! Shut up!"

Harry's fist slams down on the table he's perched on, his green eyes giving me a disappointed fed up glare.

"I will not shut up Hermione! You need to get over this thing you have for them because they've been nothing but kind to you and you've just thrown it back in there faces!"

"You're choosing them over me! You want to be a part of that family! Do you think I can't see your heart Harry? You'll let yourself be shackled by that Ginny and entertain the notion of some ridiculous romance just so you can cuddly hugs from that cow Molly and feel all warm inside during Christmas time!"

"And what's wrong with that, Hermione? It's what normal people have, what normal people want!"

" _But you already have me! **"**_ I scream. I can feel my throat tightening up, all the hurt and pain feeling too much. "You're trading me for them."

"No I'm not. The Weasley's treat you-"

"Oh don't be stupid Harry," I bite, glaring at him. "The Weasley's will never like me like they like you. Ginny can't stand the sight of me and I hate that loud-mouthed dolt Ronald and he can't stand my smart mouth. I can't pretend to like Molly and treat her like my mum so we'd never get close and I can't stand that Arthur is the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office but can't even pronounce a telephone correctly."

"It's like you're just making excuses! You've never tried to like anyone, Hermione, you've never even given them a try."

"I'm not going to play house with the Weasley's, Harry! We're not Weasley's, we're Potter's!"

"And tell me, how great has it been being Potter's, huh? We have nothing!"

"We have each other!"

Harry opens his mouth, and I catch the flash that passes in his eyes. Understanding dawns. The fear that I always expected... What the anger inside me was trying to burn away.

"I'm not enough. You want more. I'm not enough."

I whisper.

"I don't know what you want from me, Hermione."

"You know exactly what I want from you Harry but if you want to deny it all, play house with Ginny and those Weasley's be my guest!"

An anguished look steals across Harry's face but it doesn't reach me. He can't reach me anymore.

"It's wrong." He can't look at me. Fine.

"Then kill me then." I say. Harry winces but doesn't grant my remark a response. "It'd be the nicest thing you've ever done for me."

"Shut the fuck up, Hermione."

"Malfoy attacked me today." My eyes are boring into him as his finally rise to mine. "And last night he made my muscles relax so I couldn't move and then he ran those hands on my body and nuzzled my face. I have a bruise right near my temple from when Malfoy slapped me across my face and I banged my head on the shelf behind me. There's probably bruises on my back from when he lifted me in the air and slammed me repeatedly against the wall."

" _What_ " I gaze at him coolly, almost disgustedly, noting the trembling in his hands.

"He basically told me he'd rape me and you weren't there to protect me."

"Why haven't you reported him? Got him kicked out!"

"Oh come on Harry! What's the worst that can happen if I told? He has the board of education in his pocket because of his inheritance. He gets a few detentions and that it. Besides none of it would have happened if you hadn't decided you didn't want me anymore. I wouldn't have been alone and vulnerable. I would have been asleep in bed with you. All I can do is try to be as prepared as possible for when Malfoy makes another move probably sometime during Christmas time since I'll be here alone-

"You're going to the Weasley's!"

"No I'm not! I told you, you can play pretend all you want-"

"Hermione, I'll make you go. I'll stupefy you if I have to."

I stare up at him, eyes and voice blank.

"Maybe I'll just let Malfoy do it."

Harry freezes. His whole body not moving as if I just petrified him. He eyes slowly rise to mine and they're dark and dangerous.

"Say that again." His voice is low and practically growling, unlike I've ever heard it before.

"I'll let Malfoy do it. I'll let him fuck me."

The arms of the chair are gone and I'm suddenly in Harry's bruising grip as he hauls me over to the bed. I'm winded as he throws me down and then climbs on top of me. With one hand he has my hands held tightly over my head the other is wrapped around my throat. His legs are pinning my own down but I'm not trying to fight hit. Behind his spectacles, Harry's eyes are wide and mad, his lips bared back in a snarl. It's darker in the room like all the warmth has been sucked out.

I meet his eyes with my own challenging one, staring up in this darkness fearlessly as his grip tightens. I'm gasping for air, sucking in greedy breathes filled with Harry's scent.

"So you'll just let Malfoy do it? I'd rather kill you." he hisses. My heart is like a dying fish against the shore. Harry releases my hands but before I can reach out to try to touch him, shackles appear from the bed and latch around my wrists.

Harry's grip around my throat loosens slightly but its still a threatening presence as his other hand snakes down the curve of my neck and over my chest. His eyes are lost in a swirl of madness, I can feel his anger with just his eyes. I suck in a sharp breath as his hand sneaks underneath my shirt, up my stomach and under the cups of my bra. I throw my head back as Harry cups my breast, my skin is singing under his hand, my nipple tightening to two hard peaks as his other releases my throat to touch my other breast.

This is what I love about Harry. When he loses control like this...there is nothing more thrilling.

He's breathing so heavily. He pushes up my shirt as if annoyed that it dared to be in his way. I can feel the hot puffs of air on my skin as he lowers his head to capture my nipple into his mouth. I throw my head back, barely believing, letting out a loud gasp as my senses overload. Harry sucks on my nipple harshly and I can feel his tongue touching the peaks, feel his teeth. It's like he wants to devour me bit by bit.

My hips jerk in my arousal. Harry's answering moan makes my eyes flutter open to look at him. I can feel it again, his cock straining against his trousers. It sends a spike straight through me, making something tighten in my abdomen pleasurably. It feels so good that its quite addicting so I grind against it again craving- no- needing more. He looks up at me through his fringe- strong, fierce, beautiful and hungry and thrusts his cock against my knickers. He looks positively feral with my nipple in his mouth.

I'm panting. I want him so badly its frightening. Never before have I ever felt this way. I can tell he feels the same. The very air between us is thick with our want.

However, slowly and to my utter disappointment and horror I start to see a shift in his eyes. He releases my nipple, slowly raising his torso up to stare down at me. I can only imagine what I look like. Hands bound, shirt pulled up, at his mercy. I can see the lust start to fade from his eyes to something completely different.

His pierces my gaze with that anguished, regretful, self-hatred and I know what he's going to do before he does it.

"No, Harry." I say as he lays his forehead down between my breast and releases an almighty breath. I wish his legs weren't still pinning mine down or I'd wrap them around his waist to keep him here.

" _Fuck!_ "

"Don't stop now Harry! I want this! I want this!"

A shiver rolls down Harry's spine but he takes his hands out of my shirt none-the-less. He stays hunched over me like this for a minute and now I'm in anguish too.

"No." he says finally with resolve in his voice. He pushes off of me and off the bed, turning away and thrusting his hands into his hair as he breathes deeply.

"I'll go to Malfoy-"

"No you won't. You said that to manipulate me and it worked but I went too far. You're gonna go to Dumbledore or McGonagall and you're going to let them know what happened with Malfoy-"

"No-" I start indignantly but Harry whips around to glare at me fiercely.

"You're going to do it, Hermione!" His command weighs down heavily on me. I look away, glaring harshly at the bedpost. Damn those green eyes. Damn Him.

Harry sighs and lets the shackles fall as he goes to sit on the couch, wanting put distance between us. I sit up and rub my wrists.

"You're a coward."

"Enough, Hermione." he sounds tired but it only angers me further.

"How many times are you going to do this to me, Harry? How many times do you think you can leave me high and dry? What if your game works? What if I get tired of this and fall in love with someone else?"

"It's the right thing to do."

"I hope it would kill you inside." I hiss as I righten my clothes. "But since I know that will never happen it's only going to kill me."

"Just stop, Hermione." Harry lets his head fall back onto the sofa with his eyes closed. I stand and glare over at him.

"It's never going to work, you know, Harry. You can't go off and have a little happy family with the Weasley's and have me too. You and I don't work that way. And If you do go off with the Weasley girl and I do go off with some guy we'll both be driven mad with jealousy."

"If you're ready then let's go. Since McGonagall is mad at me we should just tell Dumbledore. He'll be able to do more anyway." He ignores my words completely. Fine. So be it.

"It's Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore, Harry. And I already told you neither of them will be able to do much of anything. Malfoy will get detention and that's it."

"Don't fight me on this Hermione. We're going." He glares at me pointedly in front of the door. There have only been a few times when Harry has gotten this way. Controlling. Dominating. He whips out this persona whenever he thinks I'm doing something harming to myself.

I want to be defiant. I'm angry, hurt and still aching for him. He is not being fair.

There have been plenty of times that Harry has touched me. He was the one who started demanding that I kiss him on the lips way before we even entered Hogwarts. It was him that demanded that I sneak to sleep with him in that tiny little cupboard underneath the stairs. It was Harry who started french kissing me in third year. It was Harry who told me to stay away from boys like Victor Krum in fourth year.

And now it is Harry trying to undo all that he's done. Trying to deny all the urges he caged up inside. It started this summer. He put a halt on everything, leaving no room for us to progress even when we are in love with each other.

"From now on you shouldn't walk around the halls by yourself. You'll wait for me or Ron. Any Gryffindor boy in our year should be safe to walk with you...except for Cormac. Don't go anywhere with Cormac. Ever."

I don't answer him as we make our way. We're not too far from the office now since class is still going on.

"I'm going to miss not only Transfiguration but Ancient Runes now because of you, Harry." He waves me off.

"You're already way ahead of schedule in both classes. Besides this is much more important. If Malfoy is up to something I want it to be nipped in the arse before it can grow."

We walk in silence until we come up to the Gargoyle and I deliver the password, making the staircase appear. We ascend, my heart beating wildly in my chest. As we come to the door Dumbledore's voice wafts over us allowing us in.

"Harry, Hermione. What excellent timing. I was just going to send someone to get you both."

Malfoy is sitting upon one of the cushiony chairs with a smirk already in place on his face. Harry visibly tenses and I naturally lay a hand on his arm to hold him in place. I know just the sight of Malfoy's face is enough to make him explode.

"What is that git doing here?" He growls out, eyes not looking away from Malfoy's own smug ones.

"Please, Harry, refrain from unkind words or I'll have to deduct points. Draco is here to confess his wrongdoing against Hermione. I was just about to get you because I wanted to hear your side of the story, Hermione." Dumbledore calmly peers over at me from above his spectacles.

"Go ahead, tell him, Hermione." Harry grits out.

My eyes flick to Draco's and his damnable slow perusal of me. I feel a flush of embarrassment. How to go about telling the Headmaster what happened? It sounds so...awkward. I clear my throat.

"I fell asleep last night in the library- completely by accident, Headmaster, I assure you-and Malfoy startled me. I couldn't see who stood in front of me so I panicked and Malfoy slapped my face to bring me back."

I can practically feel Harry's eyes burning holes into me.

"When I didn't snap out of it, Malfoy charmed me with _laxo corpus_ and carried me back to the Gryffindor Entrance. After that..." I swallow feeling nervous. "Malfoy held me against the wall and ran his hands over me before he whispered _finite_. The next day I saw Malfoy and we had a dispute in the hall. He lifted me up with his hands and banged me against the wall twice until I conjured a shield between us-"

"And this dispute. What was it about?" I blushed ashamed

"I said some notably petty things about his family to get back him for saying things about Harry. I apologize for that, sir. I was being immature." I look away to the floor.

"But Malfoy-" Dumbledore silences Harry by holding up his hand giving him a stern look.

"Continue Hermione."

"After that Malfoy said 'Watch yourself, Potter. If I ever catch you vulnerable again...' he didn't say anything after that but it made me feel like he was threatening me."

"I see, I am sorry you that you felt unprotected here in Hogwarts, Hermione." Dumbledore sits back in his seat looking back and forth between Draco and I. "Draco admitted to the very same thing you said. I have to say I am disappointed in your behavior, Mr. Malfoy given that you are a fellow prefect. Since your slight is on Ms. Potter, I will let her decide your punishment."

I freeze, shocked that Dumbledore would allow such a thing. I had expected him to at worst, strip him of his badge and put him in detention. With this option, however, I can choose to get Malfoy expelled and there is no reason I shouldn't.

I look over at Harry. He gazes back at me expectantly, triumph already in his eyes that the rotten ferret would be gone. I look back over at Draco and he's watching me coolly as if uncaring however which way the situation goes.

I take a deep breath. I think for a second on how I felt that night when he breathed in my scent and whispered finite in my ear almost like a confession. I think about the disgust I felt at his proximity, at his scent invading all my senses.

"Hermione, what are you waiting for-"

"Harry, please, it is Hermione's decision." Harry glares defiantly at the headmaster but shuts his mouth, returning to glaring at me.

Nothing made Harry angrier than Malfoy. I can feel his anger at my mere hesitation. If I were to allow Malfoy to stay...well he's fury would be unstoppable.

My eyes harden and I raise my eyes to the Headmaster and speak.

"I want Malfoy to be taken off of as a member of the prefects and to serve detention for a month. I also want him to stay far away from me. If he ever touches me maliciously again I want the reassurance that he will be expelled. That's all."

" _What_!" Harry hisses, reaching out as if to grab me before he stops himself mid reach.

"As you wish Ms. Potter. I can assure you that he will be. If you wait a moment I will write you a slip and you can head off to class as for you Mr. Malfoy you are to turn over your prefect badge. An owl will come to you at dinner with the details of your detentions, you are dismissed. Mr. Potter I ask that you wait outside since I have a different order of business regarding you forcibly removing your sister out of Transfiguration this morning that has to be dealt with."

Malfoy stands and my eyes flick to his to find him watching me as he moves, his face completely unreadable. I can feel Harry's glare on the side of my face like the heat of the sun scorching my skin, fists tensed at his sides. His mind must be racing with all sorts of things, drawing conclusions, making assumptions. For a moment I wonder if he will pull a stunt like he did this morning over again and just drag me out of the room and back to the Room of Requirement to finish what he started- giving not one damn for what anyone else has to say.

The tension in the air puts me on edge but its oddly gratifying. If I'm feeling this way then I know Harry must be too.

Malfoy exists the room and a thick silence follows the click of the door. I focus my gaze on nothing until finally Dumbledore speaks.

"Mr. Potter, if you would wait outside."

I look up to catch his expression but he turns and stomps away before I can see. Dumbledore does not speak again until the click of the door closing sounds.

"Hermione, I know that your decision will not make your brother happy, however, I do believe you made the correct one."

I don't respond as he writes a quick word onto a piece of paper.

"You can tell Harry to come in as you leave. Here you are." He hands me the slip of paper, his eyes peering kindly up at me. I take hold but Dumbledore holds on fast.

"I hope that whatever reason Harry took you out of class has been resolved. It seemed to be a very prudent issue."

"Oh, yes. It has been Headmaster."

"Good."

I'm antsy to get out and away from Dumbledore's stare. I say a quick goodbye and go, hoping he takes my hasty departure as me just being embarrassed by the whole thing.

Harry is pacing in the halls as I enter, his face dark and intense. I open my mouth prepared to fight off the verbal lashing I knew he has been dying to give me but he just brushes right by me, not glancing in my direction once.

I sigh but walk on. Let Harry be angry with me. I want him to be. His anger cannot compare to mine nor does the biting sting of betrayal I feel toward him.

I walk pass a dark alcove when a hand shoots out from its depths to pull me inside. Instantly I struggle, heart palpitating in my chest as my capture whispers _Silencio_ on me. His scent washes over me first freezing my movements, enabling him to reach inside my robe and slip out my wand.

"Relax, Potter," He says as he loosens his grip on me enough so that I can turn around and see his face. It's dark in this niche but not dark enough that I can't see the easy smirk on his face or the slight amusement in his eyes. I want to yell at him but the silencing spell renders that option futile.

I'm not scared; Malfoy's demeanor is not threatening but I can't help but think that I might have perhaps made a mistake in allowing him to stay since his first course of action after that is to get me alone in a dark small space.

"We need to talk."


	3. Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco's intentions remain unclear.

I gaze up at his face for a moment before using all the force in my body to push him away. If I could speak I would tell him that silencing a person and then saying we need to talk was hypocritical to say the least. It, obviously, would only be a one-sided conversation.

"Eh, no need for violence. I'm not going to hurt you Potter..."

I don't like the look on his face-he looks too pleased, as if something had gone horribly right for him. I know the look might be coming from me letting him off the hook but something instinctual tells me its something more. I want to tell him to bugger off but I can't not when he has my wand.

Oh well, I can always just leave it and head back to Headmaster Dumbledore's office. I'd get it back once Malfoy is expelled.

I move forward toward the entrance of the curtain but Malfoy's hand on my arm stops me. I turn to give him my most perturbed glare which seems to have no effect on him.

"You're going to want to listen to me, Potter." He says so seriously I am struck with the sense to believe him. I hesitate and he jumps on that hesitation. "I'll take off the silencing charm, just don't leave yet."

I huff, annoyed at him and myself because I actually stay put. He says the counter-curse with a wave of his wand.

"What do you want?" Malfoy smirks at my biting tone and I am disturbingly hyper-aware of his hand still on my arm and his proximity. I shuffle back away. I need my personal space.

"First, why didn't you have me expelled there, Potter?"

Instant anger rushes through me. I want to be away from Malfoy and I'm sick of his presence.

"You got me to stay only because you said you had something to say that I would want to hear. I'm not about to stay here and play twenty questions with you Malfoy-"

"Easy, Potter. It's just a good thing that you didn't." He moves in closer, one step with his long legs easily undoing the distance I had created. I'm uncomfortable with him close to me. I hate that his scent is now something that I know. It's practically suffocating me in this darkness. I wasn't afraid before but my heart has picked up and my palms are now sweaty.

I clench my hands and try to not breathe him in so much. Malfoy pauses and looks me over.

"You...you're an odd one, Potter. You act so tough but then you shake like a leaf whenever I get close to you. Is that something that happens only with me?"

"Malfoy," I bite out, glad my voice doesn't tremble. I am disturbingly reactive in a spot like this and I hate it. Hate is always better than fear and I let it fuel me. "I am this close to going right back to Dumbledore's office and having you expelled!"

"I'm not hurting you, I'm just standing here. You can't have me expelled for that. If I were you I'd be more concerned with this obvious weakness. But that's not why I wanted to talk to you I just wanted to tell you something."

Malfoy takes one more deliberate step forward, bending his head down so his lips are near my ear. I am frozen solid, seizing to breath altogether, and I hear the barely audible chuckle come from the depths of Malfoy, sounding more like a purr. All my nerve endings have seemed to flood to my neck, making me flinch slightly away from him since I felt too sensitive. Malfoy's arm come up to loosely cage me in so I can hear his whispered words.

"I know your secret."

He moves away and I stare up at him with abject horror, unable to say a word. The expression on his face can only be described as triumphant.

"I'll be seeing you... Hermione."

* * *

The paranoia I feel at Malfoy's departing words is so great that it takes me a few days to notice the infinitesimal difference in Harry's behavior.

As Harry's leg fidgets up and down I reach out and place my hand on top of his leg to still him again, realizing that I have been doing that a lot lately, stopping him from fidgeting around like some child.

I pull my nose out from my textbook to really look him over, noting his eyes don't quite meet mine and he jerkily moves his leg away from my touch.

I know that things haven't been well between us and I keep waiting for him to tear into me for letting Malfoy go but he has yet to say or do anything. It's odd. And now this strange anxious behavior as if he is late for some important appointment.

"What is the matter with you?" I lean over to whisper harshly, careful to keep my voice down in the library.

Harry gazes over at me quickly before looking away and reaching out to pick up the strap to his rucksack. We were supposed to be doing our homework-something I have been throwing myself into to distract from the fear that stirred within me whenever I thought about Malfoy- however, Harry hadn't even bothered unpacking his books. The fact that I hadn't noticed is a testament to my own state of mind.

"Nothing," He says lamely as he stands. I watch feeling put out that he's leaving when he had only been here for less than an hour.

"Where are you going? I thought you wanted to study until practice-"

"I can't concentrate. I'm going for a fly. I'll be back later to walk you down to the Great Hall."

I open my mouth to demand that he stay but he's gone in the next second, leaving me to stare after him pathetically. I close my mouth disgruntled when my mind flashes to that time in the room of requirement- to Harry's face when he loomed above me, eyes glazed and fixated on my chest before he lowered his mouth to suck on my breast.

I shiver as I turn back to my books. I want more. I want more of him.

Harry's behavior that day was in no way a shock to me. I know the darkness that lurks under the surface, it's the same one that's under mine. I think about him as I idly flip through the pages of my text. What would it be like if Harry lost control completely? I let my mind wander to places its never been before as I imagine us together.

I don't know how much time passes until I catch his foreign scent. It's not as if he wears a lot of cologne so I don't understand why it always overwhelms me but it does. I tense up, raise my head to find him sitting before me sitting in the seat Harry had vacated before and just looking at me.

I blink, my heart plummeting as Malfoy's lips stretch into that confident little smirk of his. There's something about the way his eyes are looking at me that sets me on edge. I can't read them but I know enough from my own dark thoughts that whatever he's thinking about as he looks at me is nefarious.

"What were you thinking about so intensely there, Potter? You had this odd look on your face..."

I blush, mortified that my thoughts had been perverse as Malfoy had been watching me wondering what I was thinking. If he had cast legilimency on me...

"Were you thinking about me?" he asks, his voice low. I balk at him, mortification giving rise to anger.

"I would  _never_  think about you, Malfoy-!" I begin hotly until Malfoy easily cuts me off.

"That's a lie. You've been thinking about me a lot lately haven't you?" He moves in closer, his voice almost tender as he speaks. "I've been watching you, Potter. You've been obsessing about what I know and what I'll do with it. Will I spill it to the school or exploit you for it?"

I move away, pressing as far back as possible in the confines of my chair.

"I'm not afraid of you Malfoy-"

His eyes are piercing as he looks at me.

"Aren't you?"

Yes, yes, I am.

"I'm not!" I hiss reaching down to grab my wand and point it in his face. "Now get away from me."

He leans back but doesn't make to get up, seemingly completely at ease with my wand pointed at him.

"You're not fooling me at all, Potter. I know you better than you can imagine, better than you even know yourself. Your words are always at complete odds with your actions."

"Leave me alone or I'll hex you." I hiss with deadly seriousness. I want him away. I'm utterly sick of Malfoy's face, of his intentions that I can't figure out, of his damn smell that assails me without fail. Malfoy was never meant to be anything other than nothing in my life and I don't like his sudden invasion.

"I'm not going to do that."

"I mean it Malfoy!"

"Why are you trembling so much, Hermione?"

"Don't push me!"

"I'll push as far as I want to."

I get ready to hex him, the words right on the tip of my tongue but Malfoy moves quicker, his hand reaching out to clamp down on my wrist and raise my wand up so the hex is released to the ceiling. I give an involuntary whimper at the tight grip he has on my wrist as he plucks my wand and wrenches me almost out of my seat so we're face to face.

"What is your problem? Why won't you just leave me alone?" I cry with anger, exasperation, desperation, fear. I twist my hand in his, trying to get free, raising my other hand to pry off his fingers when he grips that one brutally too, his face close enough to mine that we're sharing air again.

"I can't, Hermione. You...you've ruined my life and you don't even know it."

"What are you talking about-?"

"So I'm not going to leave you alone-"

"What is going on here?" Madame Pince's voice cuts through like a knife, shrill to my eardrums. "You two have caused enough racket! Get out! Go!"

Malfoy's grip loosens enough so I can break out of his hold, quickly piling my stuff in my bag as Madame Pince urges us out. I don't look at either of them as I rush away but I can feel Malfoy right behind me.

He wants to continue this, he's practically riding my heels so I can't bolt but I'm done. As soon as I step outside I twirl around and hex him, his eyes going wide just before my confundus spell hits him.

I take off in the next second for Gryffindor tower. I don't want to run into Malfoy again. I don't know what will happen the next time he manages to corner me. There are so many questions to be answered that I want to know but the idea of actually having to face Malfoy again to get them is unpleasant.

I sink down into an armchair in the common room, ignoring the eyes that follow me as I move. I do not often sit in the common room for exactly this reason but I don't feel like looking myself up in the room either.

With a sigh I open up my books again, needing to distract myself from the rest of the world. There's still an anxious on edge feeling that I want to go away as I began to pick up where I left off in my studies.

I force myself to concentrate even as my mind continues to try to drift. I will admit the subject of Giant wars is not exactly riveting. I decide to put it aside for now and read ahead when a name catches my eye in the text; a Casimir Malfoy. I pause stupidly surprised to see a Malfoy name in history books. Of course there would be some Malfoy's in history, the name was old and infamous.

According to the book, this Malfoy was a major figure in overthrowing the giant uprising that had been terrorizing Britain and even wrote some of the laws still intact today regarding giants to restrain and contain them to certain parts.

Curiously I wondered more about the Malfoy lineage. I remember hearing that Malfoy's father used to be a man of high position in the ministry but after his incarceration during the first wizarding war his reputation was tarnished. I wondered idly what that meant for Draco. Did he bare the sins of his father in the eyes of others or did his name alone still carry enough weight to make him powerful?

I know he still has a ton of money but I never really bothered to figure out where it was all coming from. Surely the ministry had seized hold of Lucius Malfoy's assets on account of him being a murdering death eater and Narcissa Black couldn't possibly be generating enough revenue to continue their lavish lifestyle. Yet, they still managed to live in Malfoy manor, buy expensive clothing and the newest broom model that I saw Malfoy flying this year.

I decide to look further into this when I manage to get to the library. They have a whole section of public records that I could dig my nose into.

I pull out a new parchment and draw up an outline with questions that I would need to research and soon I am in a flow again, my mind free from worries as I concentrate on facts and pursue answers.

It is much later when I notice that the sky has darkened and the common room is nearly empty. I check the time to find that dinner is nearly finished and a frown instantly forms on my face. Normally, Harry would have come to get me but he seemed to be slowly stopping that.

I sigh, marking this as just another thing that Harry wouldn't be doing. Those minutes when we walk down together to dinner were precious to me, they were moments that were just us where we could catch up and talk without interruptions, not to mention how sacred eating dinner together was to us.

Back at the Dursley's after cooking and serving them dinner Harry and I would be banished away and we would eat our dinner together, just the two of us. Before Hogwarts we would took into our dinner in the small space of the cupboard and even though the situation was bad, we would have fun eating together in that cupboard, it was like our own world. God, it was fun back then. We could make the best out of any situation with the other by our sides. We would laugh in whispers so the Dursley's wouldn't hear us having fun and we were so happy just because we had the other. I can see a much younger Harry laughing from across from me with his big round glasses in his baggy clothes like it was just yesterday, the image is seared into my mind and it makes my heart swell.

After Hogwarts when trying to fit into that tiny space was just not feasible we would eat in my room, an attic space above the garage converted into a room and when the Dursley's finally made their office room into a room for Harry, we began to eat there. Even when they Dursley's stopped eating meals together Harry and I didn't, we always ate dinner together, even at Hogwarts.

Until now, supposedly. I guess even that little tradition was going to be ruined in Harry's quest to distance himself from me.

I smile bitterly to my empty surroundings when a strong nauseating inclination started wiggling in my mind. It twists my smile into something wrong but I have a feeling... a terribly horrible feeling that maybe, just maybe Harry...

I get up, needing to now if this intuition I'm feeling is right and hoping to Merlin that its not. I move down the halls barely seeing whats in front of me, my heart feels like its lodged in my throat and there's this horrible feeling in my chest.

I come upon the Great Hall doors as some people are leaving and I know there must be a mad look to my eyes as they edge around me. For the most part the Great Hall is still full but I can spot him right away. Correction. I can see  _them_  right away.

My breathe leaves me with a whoosh and even though I knew and was expecting this it still hits me like a punch to the gut. Just as I feared, Harry is sitting there with Ginny Weasley plastered on his side, Ron Weasley sitting across from them. They're still in their qudditch gear and they seem to be in high spirits, Ron is laughing and Ginny is all smiles sitting next to Harry, and its clear the adoration in her eyes when she looks at him.

Harry is talking as he spins his fork around his plate and the air between them is happy, comfortable, lively. He is having fun with them. I can see instantly that he is with Ginny even though they aren't touching, its just in the air around them that they are dating. He is playing best friend to Ron and boyfriend to Ginny. He is not worrying about me, he is not thinking about me.

This is not merely an I'm distancing myself from you thing, this is a I'm leaving you behind sort of thing.

If it was me in his spot I would have felt Harry's eyes and looked up at him but Harry doesn't feel mine because Harry doesn't feel me. Not anymore.

I see red.

I march my way over, my whole body feeling hot, trembling. I feel like the wrath of hell is burning around me and I need this fury so I don't shatter apart so I can stave off this impending pain and heartbreak. I'm ready to blow. I'm going to hit him. I'm going to make him feel pain. I need to scream at him, I need him to see to understand fully what he has done to me.

But then something hits me and I rear off to the side. I blink rapidly confused. What am I doing here?

I wonder this as a hand latches onto the top of my arm. My feet are moving rapidly but I don't know where I'm going or who is pulling me. I can't really see anything. I'm not panicked, I'm not much of anything but confused.

And then it's over. I wrench my arm free and look up at Malfoy's face. I'm angry again, still trembling, still close to breaking as I realize what Malfoy has done.

"You confunded me!" I screech, the pitch of my tone making Malfoy wince before smirking at me. He nods and shrugs.

"Well, yeah."

"Why would- oh sod it, it doesn't matter." I turn on my heel ready to go from the dark hallway that leads to the entrance of the Slytherin dungeons and back to the great hall when Malfoy takes hold of me again.

"Urgh!" I howl, feeling feral and mad as I thrash from his grip only for him to encircle his arms around me and hold me trapped against him before lifting me up and tossing me into the nearest empty room which happened to by the potions classrooms.

Outraged I stumble at the force, catching my footing and turning sharply on my heel to charge at him. I'm all emotion right now, I don't even think to grab my wand, I just want to fight.

Malfoy grunts as the force of my impact bangs him harshly against the door. With gritted teeth I pull my arm back and slap him hard with all my might. His face snaps to the side and I swing my arm back again to hit him when his hand snakes out fast than I could blink to catch my wrist. I snarl and raise my other hand to strike when Malfoy bends at the waist and practically tackles me, lifting me up and over his shoulder like a rag doll.

I scream indignantly, pounding on his back and failing my legs. He grunts when my knee impacts roughly to his stomach but continues forward and over my screeches and huffs I hear him say a quick elongating spell before I'm practically slammed down onto the professor's desk.

Before I could even attempt to get up, restraining bonds wrap around my wrists and ankles, pulling me so that I'm laying flat on my back against the table.

I thrash around, kicking and fighting against the restraints, working myself into a frenzy as Malfoy just stands there and watches. I don't care what he's thinking. I don't care about anything. I just scream and fight until my panting breathes become wrenching sobs. They pull from my throat and I can't stop them, that horrible animalstic sound. I can't breath, my chest caving in and out as I take gasping breathes and the world is so blurry with my tears.

"Oh god!" I cry, my voice sounding so unlike me. I can't control myself, I don't even notice that the restraints are gone, I just curl up into myself and try to wipe away my tear. "Stop crying. Stop crying."

But I can't and I continue to cry until the sobbing calms down and it's just tears running down my face as I focus on my breathing.

Sometime later I look up to find Malfoy kneeling with his back against the wall, watching me with that unreadable look on his face. For a while we just stare.

I'm not wondering why he's still there. I don't care if this confirmed everything for him. I don't expect for this to change anything. But in me there is a infinitesimal change to the way I will look and act with him. I shift my eyes away because I don't want him to see it, that I don't hate him as much anymore, and distract myself by sitting up and scrubbing my face.

I'm not ready to go back to the tower. I still feel to raw, like an open wound sensitive all around and if I see Harry I don't know what will happen.

I hate him so much right now I don't know what to do. I hate myself too because I know I don't hate him but love him something ghastly. I just hate that he did this to me. That he  _could_  even do this to me.

I want to get revenge but I don't even know how. I can't even entertain the idea of pretending to like someone else so it would seem like I don't need him either. The thought alone makes me disgusted. And I can't just leave him alone like he's done to me but I refuse to pretend like I'm fine and continue on like we were.

I bend my head, gripping onto my hair tightly as I groan.

I don't know what to do.

"You know there's nothing that can be done, right? You can't do anything about it if Potter and-"

"Don't," I interrupt, raising my head to give him a half-hearted glare "Don't try to give advice over something you don't understand."

"But you've got to know that this is for the best."

"It is not for the best. Nothing about this is right and it's not something outsiders should butt into."

"I'm not an outsider anymore, though, am I?"

His words give me pause. He looks so serious, so intense as he stares at me. It takes me a few seconds but I scoff at him, twisting my head away so I won't have to face him.

"Anyone not us is an outsider, Malfoy."

"That's not the way that Potter sees it." My fist slams down onto the table, my ire picking up slightly.

"That's not true! Harry is only playing pretend, once he gets over it he'll see that he can't change a thing. I am him and he is me!"

"But what if he doesn't? What if this doesn't go away an he dates Weaselette and leaves you behind? What are you going to do?"

"It's not going to happen."

"It already has."

I can't look at Malfoy, not even as he stands up and moves closer to me to put a finger underneath my chin.

"I told you before not to let me catch you so vulnerable again,"

I freeze at his words and he tugs on my chin so that I'm facing him again. He's close to my face, close enough to kiss and his looking at me so fixedly, watching for my every emotion. I don't even breathe. I can't.

"Because I'll take advantage of it." he finishes and then his lips touch mine in the barest whisper of a kiss, his lips smooth and soft.

Our eyes are still open as his lips slowly move over mine until soon my tense muscles relax and I'm just looking back at him. I don't move my lips with his, not when he closes his eyes and presses down on them more firmly. His hand slides from my chin to my hair, pulling my head so my mouth presses more firmly against his.

I think to myself that he has pretty eyelashes and that's when I realize I don't feel anything from this. My heart doesn't stutter and my body doesn't get all hot and tingly but I let him kiss me. I let him until he tries to deepen the kiss, his tongue sneaking out to try to invade my own.

I put my hands on his shoulders and press down, pushing back against his hand holding my head in place. Malfoy doesn't stop right away and a little wrinkle in his brows shows that he really wants me to let him in, to kiss him back but I can't.

Finally Malfoy releases my lips but doesn't pull away completely, his eyes are still closed and I wait as he takes a deep breath.

"I can replace him." he sounds confident, strangely so after kissing an unresponsive girl. It's incredible that he would even think he could when that kiss just proved to me that he couldn't.

"No one can replace him Malfoy. No one." I say as I push him away more firmly and stand. He moves away without a fight and follows me as I walk to the door.

"I can, Hermione. I already told you that I'm not leaving you alone."

"I don't know where this is all coming from, Malfoy. I don't get you. Your actions have seemed to be all over the place. You even told me before that you could never like me! I'm too much like Professor McGonagall, remember?"

"Yeah, well, I'm a Slytherin. I say whatever I need to when the situation calls for it." I step out into the hallway and turn slightly to look at him.

"So how do I know you not just doing the same thing now?" Malfoy smirks, his hand brushing against mine as he moves passed me.

"You don't."

My eyes narrow on his back as he walks away.

* * *

I wait outside the portrait hall leaning against the wall for someone to come by. It's late but not that late and I know there will be a few more stragglers to go in or out. When one finally comes- a sixth year boy who, from the looks of it, seems to be coming back after being thoroughly snogged- I march up to him, getting in his path so he knows I want to speak to him.

"Hermione Potter." His expression says he's shocked that I'm even looking at him.

"Yes, and you are?"

"I'm William Badsbe."

"I need your help William Badsbe. I need you to tell me if Harry Potter or Ginny Weasley-pretty girl, brown-eyed, red-"

"I know who Ginny is, she's on the Quidditch team."

"Right. I need to know if they are in there, okay? Just come back out here and tell me but don't say anything to them when you go in."

"Alright." He responds slowly, giving me an odd look but goes inside none-the-less. A few seconds later he comes back out.

"They're both in there but Harry was heading toward the boys staircase when I walked in."

"Oh," I say, a pained expression falling on my face. My heart hurt at this one, that he would not come looking for me after dinner, that he would choose to spend his time cuddling up to Ginny in the common room, and that he could just so easily go to bed.

I mumble a thanks and walk away, ignoring the look of concern on the boys face.

"It's almost curfew-"

I wave him off, already forgetting his existence as I head for the only place I can think to go, the room of requirement. When I come to it for a moment I just stare at the wall. I know what I want the room to change into but how much more will it hurt to sleep alone in the room that is mine and Harry's?

It'll hurt but I call for the room anyway. Once inside I rush over to the bed and crawl under the sheets. It smells like Harry in here. I breath it in deeply, swallow the lump in my throat and try not to think but there's no escaping the hollowness in my chest. The only reprieve from it is when I fall into sleep.

* * *

There's a pleasant feeling stirring in my lower abdomen.

My body shudders at the feeling of a tongue trailing down my stomach. There are fingers touching me. They graze over my nipples, run down my sides, slide between my thighs, opening them wider.

I feel hot, heavy puff of air hit my knee before the feeling of lips sliding up my inner thigh.

"Ah!" the sound is escapes from me at these ministrations.

There are hands moving my legs, curving around them to hold them in place and then I feel it. A tongue.

My body arches off the bed as it licks me over my panties. Over my own gasp I hear a groan. My eyes blearily open to catch the flash of light glinting off of glasses but then there are fingers there, pushing aside my panties and spreading me open.

My eyes close again as that tongue licks over me and it feels divine. I can't stop the sounds that leave me as lips close around my clit and suck. I shout hoarsely, surprised at the amount of pleasure I feel when the tongue goes lower to my entrance.

"Oh!"

The tongue swirls around before it enters me, moving in and out and wiggling inside. My hands flail, needing something to hold onto as my walls clench and my senses are over flooded. They find purchase in soft tresses of black hair.

Relentless, the tongue thrusts, working up this thrilling sensation in my core. There are desperate little moaning sounds escape from the mouth pleasuring me to intermingle with my own. His nose keeps bumping over my clit. I feel like I'm going mad. My hips try to move but the arms encircling my legs wont allow it.

My thighs are trembling and there is this aching tension building inside me. The tongue doesn't stop, vigorously moving, going faster and faster, entering inside me again. My hands fist the sheets and I open my eyes just enough to look down and see him.

His eyes are closed, lying on his stomach in-between my thighs. His own hips are moving, rutting up against the bed and the sight is too much. I cry out, throwing my head back as my walls convulse, my thighs shake, my heart explodes. His tongue remains on me lapping at the wet gush of juices and the nerve bundles in my clit are so sensitive that him just licking there has me seeing stars for a second time.

When my eyes shoot open again I find myself staring up at the ceiling on my back, my arms on either side of my head. I shoot up and look around but there is no one else here with me and then I feel it, how wet I am.

I blush, embarrassed. My panties are soaked. Had it all been one of those so called wet-dreams? My eyes close, my face twisting into a pained expression. Of course it had only been a dream. Something like that would never happen. Harry would never allow it.

But it had felt  _so_  good. Tormentingly good since now it makes me even yearn for him more.

"Oh god, Harry." I bury my face into the blankets, smelling him. Why couldn't it have been real?


	4. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione and Harry are not as they once were.

_He is yelling, like always. Again and again and again. He is constantly yelling about something. Harry being his victim this time._

_I stew in my anger crouched on the bottom of the staircase._ Ihatehim Ihatehim Ihatehim! _It's a mantra inside my head. I yearn to go in there and yell right back at him, envisioning it in mind. I march right into the kitchen scream at him how much I hate him, tell him that I wish he would die. Then Harry and I would walk right out those doors, take a match and light the whole house on fire._

_"Stop! Stop that you freak!" Vernon bellows, making me realize that some of the scattered_ _porcelain Petunia collects is shaking. My heart lurches when I hear the brutal sound of a fist hitting skin and the thump as Harry falls._ _  
_

_I jump up, running to the kitchen, furious, scared and worried. There is a hot tumultuous feeling spreading like wildfire all over my body. In the kitchen I see Vernon standing over Harry and instinctively wedge myself right between them, hands up. I'm not thinking of my hatred but driven by the need to protect Harry._

_"Don't hit him!" I scream as Vernon's face gets even angrier, turning a purplish red color. "He didn't even do anything! Don't hit him!" My voice is shaking, a frantic sounding screeching pitch._

_I see the wrath build in Vernon's eyes as he stares down at me and I know that he will make me pay for this._

_"How dare you interfere!" He grabs my hair, wrenches it back to a painful point and shakes me. "How dare you try to go against me." He pushes me back and Harry reaches out for me, taking the brunt of the fall.  
_

_Both of us are panting as Vernon stands above us unbuckling his belt._

_"I'll teach you two! I run this house! You obey me! Take off your bottoms!"_

_I'm trembling, hatred-strong, unadulterated, fierce- courses through me making me feel consumed with it. I wish him dead with all my heart. I stare up at him with this hate in my eyes._

_Harry reaches out grasping my hand. A brief fleeting comfort. I feel him so completely. He's hating Vernon just as much as me. We both want him to die and we both will face this punishment. We stand together, Harry letting go of my hand as Vernon watches us with malice. I undo the button of my pants and pull them down as Harry does the same._

_"The knickers too, then turn around."_

_There's dread and fear as my panties lower. I turn, my eyes meeting Harry's hard green ones. We share a look that says it all. We'll escape from here together and never look back._

_The belt stings as it whips across my buttocks. I cry as he hits us. My tears are a mixture of pain and bitterness. Beside me Harry doesn't make a sound but a few grunts as the belt hits. His eyes are fixated on the floor, hard and unforgiving._

_Vernon stops, reaching out his meaty hand to clench Harry's hair and pulls him to the cupboard door, mumbling about us as he goes. Harry looks back at me as he's dragged away at my crying face, looking at me so intensely its like he's trying to memorize me face or count the number of tears running down my face. His mouth opens, mouthing something to me._

_I'm sorry._

_For some reason my heart feels like its being wrenched and I desperately don't want him to go away._

_Vernon shoves him inside the broom cupboard, banging the door shut and locking it._

_"Fucking starve you ungrateful little freak!" he hisses before snapping shut the flap in the door._

_I glare at him through my tears as he heads back to me. In the moment I am on the cusp of drowning. A tidal wave of hatred, anger and bitterness threaten to take over all my senses. It would be so easy just to be as mean and spiteful at them. Cursing the world, blaming everyone and letting my circumstances lead me down a road to darkness._

_Harry is my lifeline. A human life vest to keep me floating above my own black feelings. To remind me that there is still good in this world and to use all the negativity to fuel me._

_Vernon stares at me with fury and reaches for my as he had Harry. I still hate him but there is also pity._

_"And you!" he hisses, leaning down so ghastly his face is looming right above me, "I'm not through with you yet. Your little display of disrespect has earned you even more punishment. You had no right to try to get in my way when it had nothing to do with you and after all that I have given you!"_

_He drags me off and to my room, belt still in hand._

* * *

_The house is quiet. Blissfully so. Nighttime is my favorite time. No one screaming at me that I'm a freak, no one bossing me around, and most importantly, no one to disturb me and Harry._

_I carefully sneak down the stairs with food I have stashed in my arms for Harry and I to eat. I walk on my tip-toes, barely even breathing as I open the door to get back into the house, the light streaming in through the window is my only source of light to guide me through the living room and to my destination, Harry's cupboard._

_I carefully maneuver the things in my arm to slowly move the latch and push the knob down. Everything I do is slow and careful, my senses hyper-aware. I can't be caught or I'd have hell to pay. I open the door just enough for me to slip inside._

_Harry is waiting for me, sitting on one side of the small floor, his face shrouded in darkness._

_"Sorry it took so much longer-"  
_

_Harry's hand shoots out so fast I didn't even see him to pull me down to him. I fall to my knees in front of him, our food falling with soft thumps onto Harry's makeshift mattress. Before I can blink Harry has me wrapped up in his arms, his hands clutching at the back of my shirt as he crushes me to him. His face is buried in my neck and_ _I raise my arms to hug him back. I can feel the sadness and anger rolling off of him in waves. He lets out a broken sigh that I hate._

_"It's okay, Harry. I'm fine." I know that he's feeling guilty that I was hit too but he has no need to be. Countless times before he's interfered on my behalf when Petunia acts especially mean to me so sticking up for him against Vernon is only a given._

_Besides, its not the first time we've been beaten and it won't be the last._

_"I know. We'll be okay so long as we have each other." I hum my agreement "It's just-"_

_"I know, Harry."_

_I hold him until his stomach growls. I pull away and gather the fallen goodies and hold them out to Harry for him to take his pick from. His eyes swell up with emotion as he looks at me and flush under the intense love I see._

_"You're brilliant!" Harry says before he devours some bars and sips from a juice box. I smile at his compliment._

_We lie down on our sides in the cramped space. Harry's face without his glasses is one that only I have seen. It makes him look even younger, innocent, his big eyes round, beautifully green and framed by dark lashes that are not as noticeable because of the frames. I can't help but raise my hand and trace a finger down the bridge of his nose. I love Harry's face._

_He reaches out and captures my hand, holding it to his chest. I can feel his heart beating a steady thump. He breathes out softly, smelling me as I smell him and we are both relaxing, calm with only each other. We have always been each other's only source of comfort, the only kind touch that doesn't reach out to hurt or beat but to soothe and lull to peace._

_"I love you Hermione."_

_"Love you too, Harry."_

_We are the only ones who love one another. No one else loves us. No one else cares. We tell each other we love one another because no one else does and because we do love each other oh-so very much._

_Eventually we both drift off to sleep, assuaged by the other's presence, tightly gripping the other's hand._

_I wake before sunrise. I'm an earlier riser and a light sleeper, which is good since I need to be back in my own room before they wake up. I don't want to leave though. In sleep, Harry is so warm and soft without tension caused by the Dursley's. I want him to stay like this but that's not what Harry wants. He would only wake up panicked if I left without waking him first and be in a bad mood all day._

_I retract my fingers from his grip and reach out to wrack my fingers through his hair, slightly scratching. I watch Harry's face as I do this until he starts leaning into my touch._

_"Mornin, 'Mione." Harry doesn't open his eyes, his voice throaty in sleepiness but he does reach out his hands to hug me to him and give my forehead a good morning kiss._

_"Morning, Harry." I trail my fingers nails down his arm, tickling the skin making goosebumps rise._

_"Feels good." he mumbles. I know it does, we have always taken turns tickling each other's skin but I always tickle better since my nails are longer. It's nice to get a tickle in the mornings before the harsh day begins._

_A thump from upstairs freezes us both before I'm scrambling up as quietly as I can. I move to the door, looking out of the flap with tense fear, distantly noting Harry rising as well._

_Footsteps travel down the hall, luckily heading in the opposite direction. I breathe out a sigh of relief. Must have been Dudley going to the bathroom._

_I turn to Harry and give him a fleeting smile. He returns it looking adorable with his hair all tousled and sleepy-eyed. Harry closes his eyes as he leans down so I close my eyes too and tilt my head up._

_Harry's lips fall on mine, soft plump lips meeting mine pleasantly. I love this close proximity, love our traditional good morning kiss. I wouldn't be able to leave without it._

_For a full heartbeat Harry's lips stay on mine and it feels so warm and nice. This is how we show we love each other._

_Harry pulls back and I open my eyes. The sound of flushing and water moving through pips surround us. It is time for me to leave before Dudley decides he wants a morning snack. I squeeze Harry's hand and walk out._

_I can take on the rest of the day and the day after that and the day after that, so long as Harry and I remain like this..._

* * *

The next few days are a nightmare. Christmas is steadily looming closer. True to his word, Malfoy doesn't leave me alone and often pesters me in the library, constantly there whenever Harry isn't as if he's always watching and anticipating the moment Harry leaves me.

And Harry leaves me a lot.

I don't take this very well. By nature, I am a blunt person known throughout the school to be a bitch proven by the fact that I couldn't care less what they think about me. Every molecule in my body is demanding that I confront Harry, that I force Ginny out of the picture and say to hell with everybody. After the wet dream I had I told myself that I would give it a week. I wouldn't bother Harry, I'd let him have his space and watch out for his reactions.

Third day in and I'm already about to give up.

I couldn't concentrate at all in the library after Harry left. I kept picturing in my mind Harry's laughing face as we ate dinner together in the cupboard. It's seared behind my eyelids and driving me mad. He was all mine back then.

I couldn't take sitting there any longer, wondering what kind of expressions he could be showing Ginny so I walked out.

Malfoy- the sodding stalker- had to follow me, of course, so now we are both walking in silence to the Quidditch field. I wave my wand around myself, putting a heating charm so I'm not completely freezing. Malfoy smirks and holds his arm out giving me this expectant look.

"What?" I ask, pocketing my wand away.

"Do me too."

I scoff at him and march away. Malfoy might be under the misconception that we are friends but I don't. If anything he is an annoying gnat that keeps coming around no matter how many times you swat at it until you just forget its presence.

I can see little black specks swooping around in the air as we draw near. They're flying leisurely and as we get nearer I can see that a lot of people have landed and are chatting by the stands. I've caught them while they are on break.

I head toward the entrance, my eyes searching for Harry when I hear a noise. I stop, head snapping to the sound.

"What is it?" Malfoy asks curiously, stopping as well. I shush him, backtracking my steps. I see movement in the shadows by the locker room. Flaming red hair. I creep closer, my heart pounding in my chest.

Ginny Weasley giggles, pulling Harry along further into the shadows.

"-break is almost over."

"Oh, come on, Harry. Stop being such a spoil-sport. Just a quick snog." She says enticingly as she pushes Harry up against the wall.

I gasp and Harry's head shoots up but Ginny Weasley is quick, her hands reaching around his shoulders and pulling him down to her, thrusting her hands into his hair as her lips land on his.

I'm moving before I can think. Malfoy reaches out to snag my arm. No. Not this time.

I swing around, hitting Malfoy as I reach inside my robes for my wand.

"Learn a new trick, Malfoy." I hiss, hitting him with a Pertrificus Totalus. He face is frozen in shock as I turn sharply on my heel marching over to them to find Harry putting his hands on Ginny's shoulders to push her away, his eyes on me.

"No, Hermione-!"

But it's too late, my spell shooting out of my wand and hitting them. A shield immediately erupts between them, the force of it making Ginny stumble backward and almost fall.

"What the-"

"Hermione." Harry breathes, looking at me as I snatch up his wrist without a word and start tugging him away.

"Hey! What are you doing Hermione?" But I don't care about the incredulous anger in Ginny Weasley's voice, I only care about my own anger and how close I am to turning back around and stunning her.

"Hermione." Harry tries again but I ignore him. He's not fighting my grip which is saving him right now.

Behind us I can hear the sound of footsteps. I crane my neck around to see her following after us, an angry determined look on her face.

My whole body is heated with ferocious anger. Can't she take a hint? I stop, turning around to face and raise my wand.

"Don't follow us or I'll hex you!"

Ginny stops too, her face shocked before becoming angry.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you mad? You can't just-"

Harry steps between us, facing Ginny.

"Just stop. Go back to practice, Gin. I'll meet up with you later in the Great Hall."

"But-"

"I really need to talk to Hermione, alright? This is important. Can you make up excuses for me to the rest of the team?"

Ginny's mouth snap shuts around whatever protest she was about to make, looking like she was fighting a battle within herself before she glares harshly at us and crosses her arms.

"Fine."

"Thanks. I'll see you later."

"Right." she says with notable strain in her voice as she turns on her heel and starts back down to the lockers.

I stare at Harry, waiting for him to look at me, still festering in my fury.

When Harry turns around his face is not what I expect. It's cold and annoyed. He grabs my wrists and starts pulling me along back to the castle. His anger makes rise to my own and we both march to the castle, stewing in our thoughts.

Harry leads me through the halls, taking shortcuts whenever he can so that we're in front of the Room of Requirement in no time at all. When the door appears, Harry aggressively opens it, practically throwing me inside so I stumble a few steps.

I whip around to face as the door slams shut behind us, my mouth open to rant at him, but Harry's hand closes over my mouth before I can, his green eyes flashing behind his glasses.

"Don't start right now, Hermione. I'm extremely angry at you." I push Harry's hand away with force, eyes flashing.

" _What_!" I'm infuriated by his words, disbelieving that _he_ actually could feel that way. "You're angry with me? You're the one-"

"Stop. I don't want to hear it! I don't know what you think you're playing at in front of Ginny back there-"

"Are you really going there? How shall I start? First off, you didn't even have the courage to tell me about you and Ginny-"

"Because I knew you would react like this!"

"Of course I would react like this Harry! You don't even like her-"

"Yes I do!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" I scream, my whole body trembling. "Have you forgotten that I know you, Harry? I'm a part of you! You can't lie to me!"

Harry turns away stubborn refusal on his face.

"You don't know anything." His voice is low. Dangerous. The look in his eyes is foreboding. There is something that I have overlooked, something that is making Harry think he has the upper hand.

"What have you done?" I can hear the dread in my voice, feel it creeping all over my skin. He turns away but I refuse to talk to his back. I've seen enough of it already. I reach out with greedy hands holding his forearms as I move in front of him. Get in his face.

"What have you done, Harry?"

His eyes flash with flickers of pain, regret, sadness. I feel tears well up in my eyes and I let him go. There is only one thing that I can logically think of that would make him act this way.

"You slept with her." I whisper horrified. Harry's hands clench at his side. "You fucked her, didn't you?" My voice is getting higher, angrier. I can feel all my control unraveling. Harry doesn't say anything as my whole world goes topsy-turvy.

I raise my eyes and look at him to find him watching me, his eyes unwavering, his expression blank.

"What the hell is the matter with you!" I shriek, angry, so angry. "How could you do this? Y-you...how could you..how could you actually touch her? YOU DISGUST ME!"

I glare up at Harry waiting for him to say anything, waiting for him to tell me I'm wrong, waiting for his defense. He doesn't say a thing.

I snap.

I'm in front of his face a second later, my hand wrenched back ready to strike. Harry's eyes widen a split second and I see his disbelief. I revel in it.

_SLAP_

It is done. Harry's head whips to the side, his glasses clatter to the floor. My hand stings. I am not done. I raise my hand and slap him again. I hear his breath stutter out. I don't want to stop. I want to beat him up. I want to tear him apart.

Something in me has broken. Maybe there is something now broken in him too, I don't know. I don't know him anymore.

He doesn't raise his head up, doesn't try to stop my blows. Then I see it. A teardrop. I look at him, really look at him.

His green eyes are fixed to the ground, red like his cheeks and filled with so much sadness. It is plain to see the misery, the pain, the anguish on his face.

He is crying.

A jolt goes through me. I watch another tear fall down his cheek and feel a sick fascination for it. This is exactly what I wanted.

I want to taste his tears, lick them off his face, make him cry for me more; get close so I can breathe in his scent, his misery. My gaze is heady as I look at him cry and I'm leaning in before I even realize. But then his eyes flick over to me and I remember.

He is tainted.

A repugnant look settles on my face and I watch it shatter Harry. I turn away feeling sickly satisfied as I march to the door.

" _No_ ," Harry breathes, sounding like it was wrenched from his entire being. "No, wait!"

I ignore him, opening the door when his hand desperately slams it shut. I feel the warmth of his body against my back, can practically feel him shaking. I keep facing forward, unable to help the dark smile that flits across my face.

"Get away from me. You're revolting."

"No! Please!" Harry plasters himself against my back, his arms caging me in, his head buried in my hair. "Please don't say that. Don't hate me. I had to do this. I had to stop this!"

"No you didn't. You're just a coward that is too afraid of what other people would think-"

Harry's hands clamp on my shoulders, spinning me around. I am faced with his wild desperate expression. It is my turn to keep my face blank, to act uncaring.

"That's not true! I'm doing this for you!"

"You're not doing anything for me and you'd be daft if you thought I would believe you. Now get your filthy hands off of me!" I demand, hitting his hands away. Harry's face crumbles, more tears welling in his eyes. I take only a second to appreciate it, to burn it into my mind before I open the door and walk away.


	5. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In war snow falling is a short reprieve from battle.

I am forcefully thrust out of sleep by a brutal grip wrenching on my arm.  
"Get up! Get up you lazy girl!"  
Her pulling makes me fall out of bed, the harsh impact of my back onto the cold floor jolting me awake.  
Petunia is still pulling on my arm. I can see that mad glint in her eyes that she sometimes get and I know that I'm in for a long night. Again. This will be the third night she's done something like this. Waking me up in the dead of night to do some chore.  
"Get up! Get up right now!" I follow her pull, rising to me feet and staring at her with wide eyes. I have to tread very carefully when she gets like this. She shakes me as she stares down into my eyes. "You terribly lazy despicable girl! Come here!" she continues to tug me out of my room into the freezing cold house. We pass a clock and I see its about to be four in the morning.  
How does this woman keep waking up like this every night?  
She stomps up the stairs, probably waking Harry as she goes. I try to go up quieter but with her incessant tugging makes me stumble. I hit my knee on the stair and hiss at the pain.  
"Hurry up!" Petunia hisses ferociously. I scramble back up and she pulls me to the bathroom, thrusting me inside.  
"What is this? Hm?" The question is poised as a threat already, hissed between teeth with barely controlled rage and madness.  
I stare at her because that's all I can do and all she wants me to do.  
She trails long manicured hands over the sink and holds it for me to inspect. There is nothing on her hand but she thrusts it in my face as if I am supposed to see something.  
"You call this clean? Huh? Do you think this is clean?" She rubs her fingers together and looks at me with wide crazed eyes.  
I try not to yawn in her face. It is so late-or maybe it's early- and the coldness makes me just want to go right back to bed and under the covers.  
"No, Aunt Petunia." I say it because its what she wants me to say, sounding monotone, robotic. Petunia's face tightens, her brown eyes widening even further with malice and madness.  
She reaches out, grabs my wrist in a brutal hold, her icky long nails digging into flesh. I can't help the expression that falls on my face and she notices.  
"Don't give me that look! You disobedient, ungrateful, nuisance!" Her free hand grips my face, pinching my cheeks.  
"I apologize, Aunt Petunia." I manage to say. Petunia holds my face for a moment longer before roughly releasing me.  
"I want this place spotless! Spotless! You understand?" She walks out and I sigh at the wall. The place is already spotless but I start to clean it up again anyway.  
I hate it here. I hate it here so much. Constantly being ordered around.  
Harry and I do equal amount of chores. We both have to cook, clean and do yard work endlessly. Luckily we only have Vernon to breath down our necks during the weekends but Petunia is constantly there, constantly griping at us and especially me.  
She has some sort of obsession with me, a profound dislike that makes her haggle me all the time. She meticulously goes over everything I do, watching me as I clean to critique me with insults.  
It can't be even twenty minutes later before she is back, her eyes wide, staring down at me with murder in her eyes. In her hand is a shirt and I feel dread rising in my entire being.  
"Look at what you have done!" She screeches, holding up a shirt on a wire hanger and flailing it around. "You've ruined it!" She sounds as if she is about to cry, her emotions all over the place.  
"I'm sor-"  
The whack across my face stills my apology. I cry out in pained shock at being hit in the face with a wire hanger.  
"I don't want your so called 'sorry'! I don't tolerate mistakes!" She keeps hitting me screeching about failures. I can't help but cry, it hurts so bad like a switch. Distantly, I hear the muffled yells of Harry as he bangs on the cupboard door.  
"Please! It won't happen again! Please!"  
"Ruined! Ruined! Ruined!" Petunia definitely sounds like she’s crying, hitting me without seeing me.  
A bang rocks the floor and both Petunia and I scream. Vernon comes barreling out of the room, already red faced and enraged.  
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON!" He howls as Harry comes running up he stairs. Cautiously I lower my arms but Harry's arrival has jolted Petunia out of her stupor. She lunges for me, her talon like nails tearing into my flesh as she pulls me out of the bathroom.  
"Let go of her!" Harry screams, barreling to us like a bull. Petunia lets me go in her shock just as Harry wrenches her away, placing himself in between me and the Dursley's.  
I'm shocked stiff, staring up at Harry's back from on the floor. I'm not the only one. Vernon and Petunia are looking at him as if they don't quite know what to make of his rebellious actions. It doesn't last long for the next second Vernon is yelling again.  
"What has gotten into you boy? How dare you speak to us that way!" Vernon has the promise of pain written all over his face.  
"No," I can't help but whispered, horrified that Harry will be hurt once again because of me.  
But Harry just takes a step back and slams the door in their faces, locking it just as Vernon's fist collides against the wooden frame.  
Vernon immediately starts howling, spewing threats from the other side of the door. Harry doesn't turn around, he just stands in front of the door breathing heavily. I breathe his name and his head turns to me in a sideways gaze.  
I suck in a breath. His eyes are dark, pupils dilated with anger, hate and fear. The fear shouldn't have surprised me but it does and I can feel my heart warm at its presence.  
Harry was scared as he faced the Dursley's but he still did it. He did it for me.  
I melt with love for him. All the fear, pain and anger goes away and I'm melting in this warm cherished feeling. Harry is the only person in this world that has ever done something like that for me. He's the only one who loves me enough and the feeling is completely mutual.  
Harry's eyes widen as he looks at me, sucking in a sharp breath. I don't know what my face looks like but Harry is in awe of it.  
"FINE! You lot better be planning on staying locked in there for the rest of your pathetic lives cause the moment I catch you out I'll have your hide!" Vernon bellows making both jump.  
Fear spikes through me. What is going to happen to Harry? Vernon will tear him to pieces for his actions. Oh, I can't bare it! Vernon already acts so brutal to Harry. I feel nausea creeping up on me.  
"Oh Harry! I'm so worried for you! I wish you wouldn’t have done this!”  
No sooner than the words are out of my mouth does Harry kneel before me and wrap me in his arms.  
"It's going to be alright, Hermione." He says simply with a calmness I can't begin to understand.  
"How can you be so calm! Vernon-"  
"-Is going to leave for work in a few hours. I have the whole day before he can follow through with his threat." I shake my head at the nonchalant tone.  
"How did you even get out of the cupboard?"  
At this a nervous look crosses Harry's face and dread adds itself to the mixture of worry and fear.  
"Harry..."  
"I blew out the door." He says with averted eyes. I gasp with shock, covering my mouth.  
"Oh no! Oh Harry-when Vernon or Petunia sees-"  
"It's fine. I'll be fine." Tears well up in my eyes at the brave face he's putting on as I wrench Harry harder to me.  
"I wish you wouldn't have done this Harry-"  
"No! I couldn't just stay in there listening to her hit you again!"  
"But Harry-"  
"I would rather it be me than you a million times over so just drop it, Hermione!" I bit my lip and stare at right into Harry's eyes.  
"But its the same for me too. I would rather it be me than you."  
"I know."  
Harry smiles a small almost sad looking smile as he looks at me tenderly. One of his hands come up sliding up my neck and into my bushy hair as the other comes to cup my cheek, rubbing his thumb along my skin. I nuzzle my face into his hand soaking in his touch and trying to keep the worry from my eyes.  
As if sensing this Harry leans down, his face consuming my vision and automatically my heart starts to beat wildly in my chest. My gaze falls to his lips and my own open slightly with anticipation. Kissing is still such a new and pleasant feeling. I'm surprised at how much I like doing it.  
Harry is always the one to initiate kisses but I think about kissing him a lot. Everything sort of goes away, lost to only good feelings. I get enraptured by the smell of him, the shared breathing, the way my belly erupts into butterflies and that spreads all over me from the rapid beating of my heart.  
Finally, his lips land on mine, a firm press and for just a moment I am content. I hear Harry breath me in and I wonder how he feels when we kiss. Does he like it as much as I do?  
When Harry breaks the kiss I have to stop myself from falling his lips. I can't help but marvel at the power Harry has over me. He can make any situation a less worse than it is with just a kiss and I hope that never changes.

X X X 

I don't get any sleep that night. There are too many thoughts running through my mind about them being...together...intimate. It sickens me. My mind imagines Harry, my Harry, touching Ginny's disgusting body.  
I feel a warped sense of memorizing fascination imagining them together. Ginny's skin is paler than Harry's and mine. I see in my minds eyes Harry's tanner hands running over hers, cupping her breasts, fingering her slit. I imagine his hands gripping her red locks as she sucks his cock. I picture them tonguing each other's mouths as he fucks her.  
I hate it but I can't stop these images. I want it to be me but its not so I obsess over the details.  
Would Harry moan when he enters her? Would he have his glasses on to see her reactions better, or off so he can kiss her more deeply? Would he prep her with his tongue before fingering her greedy cunt? Would he make sure she climaxed first? How much did he care about her sexual pleasure?  
These questions plague me, eat me alive, drive me mad. I feel like my whole world is spinning out of control. I don't understand how we got to this point.  
But I won't stand for it.  
I wait until the wee hours of the morning and creep out from my bed. It's quiet in the dormitory. Peaceful. A complete contrast to the roaring in my heart.  
I open the door to the boys staircase with caution. There is no exhilaration or anticipation like the last time I had sneaked to Harry's dorm. No, now there is a hardness, a desperation. At the entrance to his dorm I place the tip of my wand to the door and trace out a rune, whispering a spell to put all the occupants inside into a temporary enchanted sleep. It's not a spell learned in curriculum but one I stumbled upon a long time ago in the library and highly advanced. I always knew it would come in handy.  
Now it has.  
I step inside completely unafraid and eye the snoring boys with distaste. My eyes fall onto Ron's red hair and I feel a surge of anger spike so strongly it makes little sparks shoot out from my wand. I hate the Weasley's. I hate how they want to take Harry away from me.  
I'm tempted to curse him but the rational part of my mind refuses to let myself. I have a different retribution in mind.  
I go to Harry's bed. His curtains are drawn unlike the others. I stare at them for a moment but ignore it. Ignore him. I didn't come here for him.  
I drop to my knees before his trunk, opening the lid to find his stuff strewn inside. Harry is never clean unless he needs to be. I rummage through his things searching meticulously until I find one of the things I need. The cloak.  
I pull it out, folding it carefully next to myself on the floor before I dig in again for the map. I look everywhere for it, check and double check but its not here. I look around me, wondering where it could be. I check under his bed in his dresser but to no avail.  
I sigh. The map is the most important thing for me to get. I don't believe that Harry would loan it out or get it taken from him so I'm at a loss as to it's location. The only place I hadn't looked is inside his bed.  
I eye the curtain again. I really don't want to see Harry's face right now but I have no choice. I reach out, pulling the curtain back. I'm surprised at what I find.  
Harry had obviously not been sleeping before the sleep spell took affect despite the hour. His body is slumped in a sitting position, glasses still on his face. In his lax hand is the marauders map.  
I reach out and grab it, wondering what he could have possibly looking at and knowing that I would definitely curse him if its on Ginny Weasley but its not. The map is showing me in the boys dormitory.  
My heart jumps, my eyes shooting to Harry's sleeping face. What had Harry been looking at? Had he been watching Ginny's footprints when he noticed me moving out of bed and traced it as I walked to the door and stood outside his door?  
I fold the map taking a stuttering breath. I don't know what Harry had been looking at but I do know that he knows I have come to his dorm and once he finds the cloak and map gone he'll come for me.  
But that's precisely why I am taking them. With this I can avoid him and plot what my next move will be.  
Just looking at him now is causing such a horrible pain in my chest. I want to touch him, take off his glasses, situate him so he's comfortable but I won't. Right now he's not my Harry. He's just like all the other boys in this dorm. Dirty, contaminated creatures. He won't be my Harry again until he's not with Ginny anymore, until he swears he'll never even think of abandoning me like this again.  
I gather the cloak and exit the tower all together. I'm not getting any sleep anyway.  
I sneak into the library undisturbed by anything except the sounds the castle makes like stairs moving and portraits grumbling. The castle at night is a wonder but it doesn't reach me. There is an insidious blackness taking over my heart.  
I think about Harry being with her and it makes me want to do dark things.  
What if I just fucked all the sixth year boys-became a renowned slut and ruined myself entirely? Would Harry feel sorry then? Would he realize just how damaged he's left me? I think about leaving all of this behind, disappearing to some place Harry would never find me and fantasize at how frantic he will look for me, how gutted he'd be when I'm gone. I think about trying to fall in love with someone else so completely Harry wouldn't even matter anymore.  
But these are all impossible things.  
The idea of someone else’s filthy hands on me makes me want to vomit. I can never go through with it, I'd be physically ill.  
My mind flashes to Malfoy. He's touched me, yes, and I didn't hate it all that much but still. No. Even though it would tear Harry up inside and drive him mad, I couldn't do it for many reasons.  
One: Malfoy is too complicated. He's too much of a wild card and I can't deal with complications. If I tried to manipulate him, I know already that it wouldn't work out well for me. He'd take things too far.  
Two: he's dangerous. I shiver involuntarily and not at all pleasantly as I recall a look in his eyes he sometimes get. It's calculated, cold, and void of compassion. There is something horribly broken there. Frighteningly so.  
Which brings me to my third reason. He's too much like me. That horrible look in his eyes...it scares me because it's familiar. That detachment to things...It's what will become of me if Harry really does continue with Ginny. I won't be able to feel anything anymore. It's a devil-may-care attitude. It's an impassivity. Its empty. It's hollow.  
It's the complete opposite of Harry. Harry is all emotion. He feels anger, pain, sorrow, happiness and he feels them completely. He's got so much hope, so much brightness that just draws you in. He doesn't see it but I do...  
And so does Ginny.  
That horrible bitch.  
I need Harry. I need him because he abates the thing that Malfoy would feed. Even when I hate him he makes me feel more than Malfoy ever could. Malfoy would only pull us both down further into that void.  
And maybe, just maybe if the worst with Harry happens, I'll let him.  
That I know would be a sufficient enough punishment for Harry.  
But not yet.

 X X X 

I manage to avoid Harry for almost two days and not just him but Malfoy too.  
I skip meals, study at Hagrids hut and sleep on the couch in the prefects meeting room. In classes I feel the both of them watching me. Harry's gaze is more like he can't help but watch me but Malfoy's gaze is full of anger. I imagine he couldn't like getting left in the snow all that much but I can't be arsed enough to care. Serves him right for always trying to get in the way.  
I don't really understand the reason for Harry watching me. I do and I don't since I can't be sure about anything that has to do with him anymore.  
His actions say that me leaving him alone is exactly what he's been asking for and what he should want but his constant gaze is begging me to forgive him and be around him again.  
So what I think is that Harry wants to be close but not too close. He wants to be like Ron and Ginny. But I can't do that. Not while I'm going mad picturing him fucking Ginny and just the sight of them together makes me want to obliviate even the tiniest memory of Harry from her mind and compel her to live her life in a nunnery far far away.  
Harry manages to catch me on the last class of the day. Previously, I had been running out of the classroom like a bat out of hell, confunding him when need be and then throwing on the cloak at the first opportunity and getting the hellaway but Harry is quick. He not only sees what I've been doing but reacts faster than me and steals my wand away before I can exit the door, grabbing onto my arm and pulling me into the thicket of people.  
"Harry, let go." I hiss through gritted teeth as he drags me along.  
"No." He says simply.  
I glare at him, feeling bitter, angry, and reluctantly excited to be around him again but then I freeze, realizing something. I stop moving completely, stop breathing. I'm looking up at Harry...looking up at him!  
Harry's eyes gaze down at me, angrily at first before widening. I don't know what's on my face but it makes his face waver, flicker with uncertainty.  
"What is it?"  
I stare at him and feel a painful twinge in my chest.  
"You've gotten taller." I answer. Harry rolls his eyes at me and keeps moving us along but I find that I suddenly really don't want to be around him right now. Not this boy who smells like Harry but whose grip is tighter than my Harry's and whose body is bigger than my Harry's.  
Harry walks us along and I realize after a few minutes that it doesn't seem as if he has any destination in mind. It's like he doesn't know where to go, or rather, what he wants to do. I can tell he's not up for an argument but now whenever we are around each other all we do is fight and our fights are not something he wants people to see. They're too intimate and they often get way out of control.  
But to bring me to the Room of Requirement means allowing for that chance to come and treading on dangerous ice. Would I be the one to lose it again or will he?  
I wonder what he will do.  
Harry sighs, running a hand through his messy black hair. It hurts that I can't help but find him adorable. My hand itches to reach up and pat his hair down, to lean in closer and smell his scent, to feel his warmth and have that closeness.  
Harry looks at me from behind his messy fringe and I harden my face, give him an impatient glare. He eyes my face for a moment before suddenly retracting his wand and giving it a flick with a whispered Accio!  
Tugging my hand, he starts walking us back the way we came. Frustrated, I pull myself away from him, giving him a glare.  
"What are you doing Harry? You can't just keep pulling me this way or that! I'm not a dog!"  
Harry takes my hand again even as people pass us by and looks deeply into my eyes. His hand is warm and large, fingers long and thin intertwined with mine. This is a familiar hand. I know it. I know why the palm is calloused. I've seen these hands wash dishes, scrub floors, pull weeds. I cant help but look down at our hands. It's such a simple thing, something Harry and I have done a million times before but not since a long time ago, it feels…  
"I want to walk with you, Hermione. I-we need to talk."  
I look back up at him, slowly removing my hand from his. Harry doesn't say anything but I can sense his displeasure.  
"Fine, we can talk, but don't touch me." I say, moving slightly away from him. Harry makes an annoyed sound, frowning down at me.  
"Come on Hermi-"  
My eyes flash with anger as open my mouth to retort.  
"I mean it!"  
Harry's own eyes flash and I can see he wants to do something, something he can't do in a hallway with other people around. I smile darkly to which Harry eyes with distaste.  
"Also, we have to visit Hagrid first." I demand.  
Hagrid had been very sad lately at the lack of Harry's appearance and since he's the only other person I like in this world I won't let it stand anymore. At first, he had been angry and I would have to make excuses for Harry's and when I stopped it out of my own frustration with Harry it made Hagrid's anger turn to sadness.  
"Fine," he says with audible restraint in his voice. "Lets go to Hagrids. I'll get our cloaks."  
He swishes his wand with an Accio as I try to recall the last time Harry and I did this last. I can't help but feel angry and sad that the last time was after the welcoming feast. Harry and I used to go visit Hagrid all the time but that was before all the madness.  
"I'm surprised you even remember he lives outside." I can't help but be sarcastic and biting toward him. He has done so much wrong this year.  
"Hermione." His says warningly as our cloaks come soaring toward us.  
"What? You haven't been to Hagrids at all so far this year except for once and it's about to be Christmas! Hagrid is very upset with you and he keeps asking about you whenever I go to visit him."  
"I havent-"  
"Oh don't try to make excuses Harry. We both know that you haven't been too busy to see him. You could have stopped by on your way to Quidditch or even after but you just don't care enough! But you'll make time for your precious Weasley's!"  
"It's not like that!"  
"Well it's what it looks like, isn't it? And Hagrid has every right to feel as he does."  
"Why do you keep trying to pick fights with me? This isn't what we do-"  
"No it wasn't what we did but since you're the one who decided to put an end to how we were this is what we'll do now!"  
A frustrated groan escapes from Harry's lips, his glaring eyes fixed on the floor as we walk. I put my cloak on as we near the entrance doors and whip out my wand, waving a warming charm around myself and then turning it to Harry and doing the same before I even realize it.  
I catch a flash of a small almost smug smile appears on Harry's face before he turns his head away from me. I scowl but continue on.  
"So what makes you want to see Hagrid all of the sudden anyway? Is Weaslette too busy washing her hair or something?" My tone is bitter and disgusted with a hint of envy as I rush forward toward the door ahead of him slightly. He still manages to open the door for me and with a glare I step outside. The cold isn't half as bad with the warming charm but it's still pretty cold. I am reminded that Christmas break will be in two days time.  
I feel Harry step out behind me and hear the door close behind him. There is no one outside and the grounds are covered in frost. It's pretty and peaceful like the calm usually obtained in the dead of night.  
I turn to look at Harry expectantly and he glares down at me, reaching out to grab me and pull me closer to him. His breath stirs my hair and my heart spikes.  
"I am done with this, Hermione! Why can't you just-"  
A wave of adrenaline hits me, I use all the strength in my small body to wrench us around, using the element of surprise. Harry's back hits the door with a bang, his face going from surprised to dark in a seconds.  
"Why cant I what Harry?" I hiss, getting closer to his face. "Why can't I just accept you and your precious girlfriend and be happy for you?" My tone is mocking, my face saying how impossible that idea is.  
Harry wrenches himself up, pushing my hands off. Both his cheeks are flushed, his hair a mess and glasses askew. He makes my heart race. Below the anger, under the hurt, there is so much desire for him, no matter what.  
My Harry, my Harry, my Harry, minemineminemine!  
"Yes! Why can't you just stop? Why can't you just let your feelings go and let us be normal?"  
He is my Harry. He is my Harry that is my only reprieve from the nightmare that is the Dursley's. My Harry who has protected me, took punishment for me and would comfort me afterwards.  
"You want to know why?" I ask, voice tight, heart a mess. I grasp his hand- the hand that had held mine earlier and felt such fixation for- as I fumbled with my robe, wrenching it open. I pull his hand closer to me, open my legs a little wider. I can't think straight. I don't want to.  
Harry looks confused before his eyes widen and he tries to feebly pull his hand away but its too late, I need this and he's not getting away. I press Harry hand against my wet knickers. His hand is a cold contrast to my hot center. It makes my breath hitch and my eyes close. I've wanted him to touch me here for so long.  
I hear Harry suck in a harsh breath and open my eyes. His wide eyes are locked where his hand his beneath my skirt, and he looks even redder than before. I feel a rush go through me making me even wetter. I deliberately grind myself into his hand wantonly, watching Harry's breathing get labored like my own, but its not enough. I want to rub myself on him. I want to sit on his face and grind on his tongue and do wicked, wicked thing to him.  
Harry's eyes go dark, pupils dilated and my whole body answers to that shift in him with a thrill that sets my whole body on fire. I don't dare say a word in case it breaks him from this trance, I can barely even breath.  
Harry's tongue comes out, wetting his lips as his hand slips under my knickers on their own accord. My mind gets hazy as he touches me. My legs start to shake as his fingers slide over my wet quim, rubbing against my clit.  
I whimper. I can't help it. The air is intense, heady, between us, saturated with dangerous lust and desire. I feel like I'm going mad. I don't have enough strength to hold myself up, I'm shaking too much. I reach out and grip onto Harry's robes. Harry's hand comes to pull my body closer as his fingers manipulate me, attacking my clit before circling around my center. I lean my head down onto his chest, breathing him in, clutching at him and grinding onto his hand.  
I cry out as he slowly pushes a finger in. A shudder goes through him. We're both panting. I spread my legs wider, feel him pushing in deeper. My walls spasm around his finger.  
"Fuck!" He hisses, hips pushing into me and I'm overcome with lust at his reaction, making my walls clench again. He pushes other finger inside and furiously starts finger fucking me.  
"Harry!" I scream, my back arching, head going back, as my eyes go wide. It feels so amazing, better than amazing. His fingers are stirring a delicious sensation in my belly, a heat spreading all over. I can't hold myself up any longer. He can't either. We both go sliding down the door, Harry's fingers never stopping.  
Harry's forehead falls onto my shoulder, his breathing heavy, his free hand clenching my shirt. I want to touch him. I want to run my hand down the length of his cock, see the affect that I have on him. But I can't, I don't dare to.  
There is a stirring low in my belly, warm, hot making the muscles there spasm. I scream as it builds to impossible lengths, my heart exploding in my chest as a gushing sensation in my quim has my walls clenching. I'm moving against Harry's fast fingers with abandon. Harry groans in my ear, brings his thumb to rub my clit while fingering me.  
Breathing escapes me. Everything escapes me. I am a bundle of tight nerves, trembling and boneless. I realize that I just had an orgasm. Even better yet, Harry just gave me an orgasm.  
I come down from the high, my breath returning, drinking in gulps of his smells, still flushed and quivering. Harry's fingers slide out of me and I'm overcome by a strange urge to laugh.  
I knew it. I knew it!  
Harry can denydenydeny but I know.  
I can feel him trembling. He slips his hands out from underneath my skirt. He won't raise his head to look at me. I know he feels ashamed, I know that this time it is he who is feeling the hate. I pull back to try to see his face but Harry holds me fast, crushing me to him.  
I know he doesn't want me to read his emotions but what he doesn't know is I already have. He's my Harry again. I know him again, not as much as I want but more than I did moments ago.  
And right now he's miserable. I can't share in that emotion. I'm feeling way too victorious, way too happy.  
I smile as I wrap my arms around him. Better for him to not see my face right now since surely my happiness would only make him worse.  
But it's over now. We can forget about these past few months and go back to how it was.  
The cold is starting to sink in again. I shuffle awkwardly in my pockets to retrieve my wand, renewing the warming charm on both of us. Harry shivers as it washes over him before finally raising his head.  
My eyes go wide at his expression, piercing right into my heart to still all my good feelings.  
His agonized eyes met my own, lips down turned in a deep frown. He looks beyond miserable, he looks beyond ashamed. He is crushed by what we've done.  
He turns his head away from me, retracts his hands and just sits there with me straddling him. Niggling guilt shoots through me but so does a defensiveness, however, I can't say anything-not a word of comfort nor a defense. I don't have any because there are no need for them.  
Harry already knows that this is what I wanted, that I am not sorry. He knows I'd do it again even if he cries about it and will do it again in the future. I will continue to tempt him, to manipulate him to get what I want.  
I wouldn't have in the past but love changes people and not always for the better.  
"Harry, I love you." I'm sorry that this hurts you. I'm sorry I won't stop even knowing that it does.  
His jaw clenches, his eyes squint and I can't tell if he's glaring or fighting back tears. "Harry-"  
"I know, alright, Hermione? I get it. Just..." Just get away from me, just stop talking, is what he doesn't say.  
I sigh, biting my tongue from speaking.  
"I lose, okay? You made your point. I'm weak when it comes to you. I-I...I want you," he whispers it, as if saying it louder will make it all too real. My heart surges anyway, body becoming warm all over again. "but this isn't about what we want. I've got to do what's right, Hermione. This doesn't change anything."  
"This changes everything! How can you say that?"  
"Because it isn't right. The world would never except it and I can't take you away from it. You are so brilliant, you can change the wizarding world and you will but how can you do that if your with me? You'd be a disgrace-"  
"I don't care about it! I don't care about them! It's laughable how easily I can leave this place behind. If the future is what's stopping you Harry then just forget about it! I don't have a future if you are not in it! I am not me without you."  
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say." His voice is harsh, biting, angry. "You are your own person! There is a you without me! We are not the same person!"  
"Don't say that!"  
"It's the truth! You can get on just fine and fix this world."  
"I wouldn't be happy! I wouldn't feel joy! I would just be going about life day by day like I have been doing ever since you've pulled away from me. Life isn't about just going through the motions and that's exactly what it would be like for me."  
Harry shakes his head slowly, assuredly.  
"You don't know that." I glare at him as we hit an impasse. The thing is he's right. I don't know the future, I don't know what could happen. Maybe I would be just fine with work becoming my life.  
"You're right. I don't know the future but I know that I can't love anyone but you. I might be fine getting occupational satisfaction but it would be an incomplete life. Is that what you want for me, Harry? To be incomplete?"  
"What I want is to be anybody else. You have no idea-" he stops, cutting his own words off and looking away from me. I know he was about to admit something big, something he doesn't want me to know. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything."  
Anger rushes through me, taking its familiar place in my heart.  
"So you're not going to break up with Ginny. You're still going to carry this on?"  
"Yes." His answer is sure, strong.  
I wrench myself up and away from him, turning away from him as something ugly unfurls in my chest.  
"Fine." I'm trembling again, this time its an unpleasant trembling, the kind that makes you feel like your a hairs breath away from losing control. "Fine. If this is what you want you've got it but you're going to regret this, Harry."  
I turn away from him as he jumps up to his feet.  
"What do you mean by that?" He demands, reaching out to take hold of me. I let him, turning my face toward him to smile without humor at him.  
"I don't have to answer to you." I shrug out of his hand, move away from him. Harry comes following.  
"Don't piss me off, Hermione. Tell me what you meant."  
"It means that I'll live a whole life that you won't know about Harry. I'll do things you don't know-bad, despicable things- and you won't be able to stop me because it wouldn't be your business any longer." I shrug, pull open the entrance door. I hear Harry growl behind me but before he can do anything I slip through the door, the warmth of the castle hitting me as I rush through the crowd of people.  
He doesn't have to know that I'm just saying things to deliberately get a rise out of him. I'm not going to become some sort of tramp but Harry won't know that. Let him feel a little fear, a little jealousy.  
Harry is behind me. I know he want to lunge for me since I'm just out of his reach but he can't with all these people around. I go up the stairs, dodging people left and right, trying to lose Harry.  
I don't have to worry about it as a flash of red hair moves ahead of me. Ginny Weasley heads this way, her face carefully cool as we spot each other. I feel my whole body tense at just the sight of her. I hate her so much. She moves like she knows shes my rival. How this freckle-faced, quidditch-crazed, bitch actually got Harry's affections is beyond me.  
Except she doesn't have his affections, not really. You think you do though, I bet you feel so smug being the girlfriend of the famous Harry Potter. I bet you think I'm just the spoiled bitchy sister of you boyfriend that can be pushed aside. But your just a sad little decoy. You have no idea that your boyfriend was just outside fingering my pussy until I came around his fingers.  
I smirk darkly at these nefarious thoughts. I really am a twisted bitch but I am what Harry reduces me to.  
I haven't realized that I stopped walking until Harry's hand clamps down unto my shoulder.  
"Hermione-" his gruff tone breaks off again as he follows my line of sight and sees Ginny there. He doesn't say anything else as Ginny moves toward us so I look at him. His face looks like he's having a debate with himself in his mind, hints of his anger with me still on his face. I can see he's torn between continuing to yell at me or go to his girlfriend.  
Ginny takes his choice away as she smiles beatifically at him. Immediately there is a monster in my chest that's demanding I wedge myself right between them and tell Ginny to sod off.  
"Harry," she breaths in greeting, her light brown eyes lit with obvious adoration. I wish to pluck her eyeballs out. "Hermione," she continues with a slight incline of her head.  
"Gin-" The bitch swoops up, kissing Harry on the lips in a quick greet.  
I don't look away, seeing red as my hands clenched at my side. To most this would be a very chaste and appropriate greeting for a boyfriend or girlfriend but its blasphemy to me. Harry's eyes flick to mine, assessing my face. I know I must look a fright. There is no helping it. I find it absolutely disgusting that they are together. That those lips dare to kiss another.  
I suddenly have no urge to leave. Let them stew in awkwardness around me. Better that than for the Weaselette to try and pressure Harry into snogging or worse.  
"Oi! Harry!"  
Damn! I'm immediately annoyed by the loud obnoxious voice of the other Weasley nuisance. So is Ginny if her face is anything to go by. Ron comes up in all his tall gangly glory.  
"I've been looking for you all over, mate. Oh, Gin, did you tell him already?"  
I don't know if Ron just hadn't noticed my presence yet, or is just deliberately ignoring me but his eyes don't even come near my direction.  
"No, not yet. I've only just seen him-"  
"Hello, Ron." I greet without a hint of my aggravation or dislike for the boy.  
Everyone stares at my with shock but my eyes stay on Ron's. He blinks furiously in surprise and I wonder if there had ever been a time before this where I greeted the boy in almost a friendly manner. I don't ever acknowledge anyone other than Harry. Or at least I didn't before today.  
I smile as Weasley gets over his shock with a little help from Ginny elbowing his side slightly. I can feel Harry's gaze on me especially and let a smirk flash across my face for a second.  
"Er...hi" He says awkwardly, his eyes going red and his gaze immediately unable to hold my own. So weak.  
"How are you?" I ask, keeping my tone light and eyes direct.  
"Good...?" Why it sounds like a question, I don't know. Just Weasley stupidity I suppose. Or maybe more like Ron stupidity. His elder brother all seem rather intelligent so far as I noticed.  
"Right. Well, I'll see you later."  
"Right, later." He responds as if he can't think properly. I smile wider at him as his eyes land on me and his face goes almost as red as a tomato. I turn away without glancing at Harry and weave through the crowd of people without looking back.  
As soon as I'm away the smile is wiped off my face. I don't know how I'll manage at the Wealsey's but I'll have to go with infinite patience.


	6. Wet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione's sexual frustration are high.

Something has come over me. Maybe its the pull from the moon outside my window. My skin is hot. There's an need brewing between my hips, a yearning from between my thighs. I rub my legs together but there's no relieving me.

I huff, flip over onto my side and stare out at the red canopy with frustration.

I don't want to. It's so wrong but I feel so hot. I need...

A sigh escapes me. I know what I'm going to do even though its wrong. But Harry's face has been plaguing me all night long. Little images of him, his eyes, his lips, his fingers keep stirring me up. My skin is singing for his fingertips. I want more of him.

My hand moves with a mind of its own snaking underneath my knickers. I close my eyes, feel the wetness and spread it to my clit. My face is pinched. I wish I didn't feel this way but there's no stopping as lust pulsates through me.

I think of Harry.

I feel disgusting.

I can't stop.

Harry is watching me. He's here watching from underneath his invisibility cloak. His eyes are fixated on my hand moving furiously to pleasure myself. I kick off the covers, flip onto my back.

Breathing is getting harder. I'm excited. My hips are moving. I don't want to think anymore.

Harry is watching. He takes off the cloak so I can see him.

His eyes are heated. He wants to join. He wants to touch me. I moan, the sound a little frustrated. Touchmetouchmetouchme. Harry licks his lip like his throat has gone dry. He's feeling it too. His eyes are watching all of my movements with rapture.

"Fuck yourself harder."

I shiver at his command. His voice is low, like a gentle whisper, but there is excitement in his voice. I plunge my fingers inside my heat, pumping in and out.

Harry groans and the sound shoots straight through me. His cheeks a stained red and there's a bulge in his pants. I keep my eyes on him like he's doing to me, watching for each little reaction that thrills me. My breathing stops when his hand and those fingers reach for the zipper of his hand and pulls them down.

Will he...?

A thrill shoots straight to my clit when he pulls his cock out and gives himself a slow jerk. My head thrashes back as I gasp, the pleasure reaches new heights with this one action of his.

"Look at me."

I do as he says, my eyes riveted to him. His eyes lazily gaze at me as he jerks himself, his speed matching my fingers.

I can't handle it. It's too sinful. It feels too good.

"Harry!" I gasp out, my voice mirroring my pleasure, my need. I want to reach out and touch him. I want to get completely naked and explore even higher treachery. My eyes scream this to him. His breathing gets even more labored, the stain on his cheeks as he nears his peak appealing to my eyes.

"Fuck Hermione, look at you. I want to..." He doesn't finish the sentence as a shiver runs through him. I want to know what he was going to say. Harry's free hand reaches out for my bed frame as his pleasure rises and rises. I can see him losing control. I can see more him.

I look down at Harry's cock and lick my lips. I want to touch. I want to taste. There's precum coming out from the head. I'm utterly fascinated by him. I want to see him cum. I want us both to reach that high.

I feel a pressure in low in my belly. I'm about to climax. My body arches, hips thrashing and then its suddenly Harry's amazing long fingers driving into me. I explode. Heat seizes me and I lose it.

Harry! Oh Merlin its so good. Oh god! His fingers don't stop and its so good and don't stop, don't ever stop.

My hand shoots out to hold onto him as my body shakes. My hands hits the curtains as my walls tighten, clenching as my climax unfolds and It's so bloody good.

When I come back down my breathing is still labored. My muscles feel all relaxed but my body is sweaty and my fingers are wet. I open my eyes and stare at my empty bed surrounding.

There is a thought that I will hate myself for this later but I'm too satisfied in the moment to be arsed about it.

At least I'll get some sleep now.

 

 

 

 

Last class of the day before Christmas break has me in a very precarious spot, stuck in a classroom with both Harry, Weasley and Malfoy. I focus hard on the lesson, not allowing myself to look over at Harry like my eyes so want to.

 

The whole lesson I feel Draco's eyes on me too. I wonder if Harry notices. I know if he did he would be bothered by it. I don't care what Malfoy wants or why he's looking at me but a part of me hopes the situation will escalate so Harry would react to it.

But at the same time I know I won't let it, not where Malfoy is concerned. Plus, I have a pretty good feeling that he just wants to yell at me for leaving his princely self petrified outside. I've been avoiding him just so I won't have deal with his drama.

I guess I should have known that I couldn't avoid Malfoy forever.

I'm the first one out of the classroom, trying to make a break for it to no avail. He's been waiting and anticipating this moment and therefore, is one step- literately and figuratively- ahead of me, waiting just outside the door. I ignore him and press forward.

"Potter!" His voice is deliberately too loud even above the stream of people, drawing the attention of our classmates and most importantly, of Harry who just came to the threshold of the classroom.

I sneakily watch him from the corner of my eyes. I need to see his face. I need to know what he feels seeing Malfoy talk to me.

His eyes are narrow, jaw hard as he gazes at Malfoy, listening with rapt attention.

It is because of this that I don't just continue on, pay Malfoy's voice no heed. I tear my away from Harry and turn to face Malfoy who come before me with a cool look on his face.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" I ask calmly as Harry marches to us, Ron scrambling to catch up with a hollered 'oi' from inside the classroom still.

"Malfoy!" Harry bellows catching even more attention.

Malfoy looks at me deeply, as if trying to communicate with me telepathically that he's on to me, as if he knows my thoughts. I raise my brow at him in a you-asked-for-it manner just as Harry's hand lands on Malfoy's shoulder, pushing him so they are face to face.

"Pott-"

"What are you playing at? You're supposed to keep away from her!" Harry's tone is brisk, harsh, demanding, so unlike his usual voice. I am impressed by it since it is so different from the way Harry usually speaks.

Malfoy is not. His face is disgusted as he pinches the skin of Harry's hand to take it off him in an over-exaggerated fashion.

"Don't touch me, Potter. My house elf just pressed these robes." he says this with his usual condescending arrogant tone that makes him sound like an utter ninny.

Even though its ridiculous, I see it bothers Harry. His eyes flash behind his glasses and I can see a situation is in the making if I don't put a stop to it. Ron comes up behind Harry with his own dark look on his face, showing a united front.

"Get a bloody move on, Malfoy!" He chimes in unnecessarily without even knowing the situation. Typical Weasley. I have to restrain from rolling my eyes. Weasley's appearance irritates me. Why does he feel like he needs to put his two cents in? And why does Harry always let him? I want to scream out that it has nothing to do with him and to carry on but refrain.

I see Malfoy's hands clench, ready for a fight so I reach out to still Malfoy's forearm, giving him a sharp glare. Malfoy doesn't return my look but tenses as he sizes Harry up.

As if he stands a chance again Harry. His action makes me want to roll my eyes.

Instead, I turn them onto Harry. I pause as I note his eyes are fixed on the point where my hand is touching Malfoy and I feel a thrill of triumph run through me. I have to mask it as I reprimand him.

"Harry, stop that! Malfoy isn't doing anything to me. Honestly, the two of you are acting ridiculous. Not that it's any of your business but we have something we have to talk about."

Harry's eyes turn to slits as he looks at me, the air around him tense, coiled tight. My mouth closes automatically as his stare washes over me, holds me down, makes my feel like lead. Oh, he's angry. He looks at me like he's plotting all the ways he'd like to punish me. I wouldn't be surprised if he grabbed my arm to whisk me away again.

"No." he says, voice deep and practically growling. My heart skips a beat. His tone is commanding, the one he uses on me when we're at the Dursley's. This tone is different to the one he used before. It shreds his casual nature to pieces, oozes with darkness, and promises punishment. It is the one that says rational be damned.

I pushed the rights buttons apparently.

I smile slowly, my eyes meeting his intense stare. The other two don't realize what's happening here. This is us being transported back into that cupboard again, to that night before we were about to head to Hogwarts for the first time where Harry pushed me down onto my back, sat his weight heavily over me, held my shoulders down and demanded-no, commanded- that I follow him to where ever he may go, that I not let go of his hand and allow myself to be separated from him.

Malfoy moves to me, standing too close as he throws an arm over my shoulder and leans in toward Harry. His face looks like he's just itching to have it out with him, baiting him so they can row or worse.

My body automatically tenses and goes rigid. His proximity is completely unexpected, not to mention unwanted. I try not to breathe in Malfoy's smell, taking short breathes. I don't like this. I don't want him this close to me but to back away would be to lose a great opportunity to get a rise out of Harry.

I force a cool, detached look but cannot relax my body. I don't want Harry to notice. I eye him only to find just what I wanted. Harry's face is filled with jealousy, contempt, and possessiveness, all clenched fists and red cheeks. I duly note even Ronalds's ears going red.

"You don't really have a say in the manner, do you, Potter? Hermione can do what she wants."

Harry's jaw clenches, his eyes sliding over to me.

"Yeah! But not with a disgusting slimy snake like you, prat!" Ron bellows but it sounds far away. My eyes are locked with Harry's dark and frighteningly cold ones. For a long intense moment, he just gazes at me like that, staring at me in a way I've never seen before.

His look nibbles away at my hopeful feeling. He looks truly angry with me. I feel like a scolded child about to be in some serious trouble. A hot feeling of shame burns my face like the sharp sting of a slap.

Finally, he looks away and back at Malfoy. His expression turns even darker. He looks like he wants to hurt Malfoy. Badly. As if he is picturing the horrid things he wants to do to him as he looks at him. It's unnerving.

Malfoy ignores Ronald, his smirk getting more pronounced as he stares back at Harry. Pointedly, he pulls me even more into his side, his hand sliding up my arm.

I suck in a sharp breath as goosebumps rise on my skin. It is not a response born out of pleasure. Every nerve in my body wants to push him away but I don't. I feel like I must look like a cat that was just bathed. All wide-eyed, hackles raised and ready to crawl out of its own skin. Don'ttouchmedonttouchmedonttouchme!

"What? No comment?" he asked obnoxiously, his grin condescending. I don't know how he doesn't back down under Harry's look.

"Get the fuck away from her." Harry's voice is dead serious, his eyes predatory.

Malfoy pulls back, gives him a sarcastic look.

"And why would I do that? Because you told me to, Pottter? She's not saying anything, is she? So I don't have to listen to you-Omph!"

Harry's fists connect mercilessly into Malfoy's nose causing blood to erupt from his nose and his whole body to fall backward. It's a brutal fall but I don't flinch for him as Harry drops down on him and starts punching him over and over again with no chance of recovery. I don't feel pity for Malfoy even if I might be partially responsible. I didn't ask him to do this, he did it on his own.

Instead, I watch Harry. His feelings are the only thing I care about and I'm enthralled by what I find. I stare at his eyes, wide, cold, unforgiving as he punches Malfoy over and over. He looks cruel, hateful and beyond the point of rational. I can see in this moment that the damage the Dursley's inflicted does in fact still affect Harry. I see it in the way he can beat Malfoy with his fist without restraint, without empathy.

In my head, I've beaten Malfoy with my bare hands. And not only him but Ginny too and Ron and Snape and so many others. I've delivered my retribution and felt the empowering feeling of triumph and satisfaction at inflicting pain onto those who have wronged me. Except I haven't really done it in real life because my body doesn't have the strength to. But Harry's does.

I don't try to stop him. Let him have his retribution.

I understand this feeling very well, I feel it every time outsiders like the Weasley's try to put themselves between us. His knuckles are bloody, his gritted teeth bared and he is ferocious, powerful. I think I am the only one who can feel the electricity in the air around him.

People around are causing a commotion, jeering and running to watch, surrounding them to get a good view but its like they are all far away, muddled to my ears. I know any moment now a teacher or another prefect will catch wind of the fight and come over to issue out punishments.

I want Harry to be punished so I don't try to stop him even though it is my duty as a prefect and the proper thing to do but I rationalize that if he's serving detentions when we get back from holiday then he won't be with Ginny.

As if summoned by my thoughts, Ginny Weasley appears pushing through the crowd with a determined and angry expression on her face. She says something. Harry's name.

My fists clench at the sight of her, at the movement of her lips as they say, Harry. I want to slap her face, throw her to the ground and make her bleed. This Ginny Weasley who loves my Harry, who calls for my Harry, who yearns for my Harry. I hate her.

Ginny pulls out her wand and-stealing a page out of my book, I note- conjures a shield between the two, thrusting Harry off of Malfoy and ceasing the fight. Harry's dark angry eyes immediately land on her as she glares down at him with a hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised. She says something and this something makes Harry snap out of it, his eyes widening as he looks down at his bloody hands.

I watch as Ginny reaches down for his bloody hands to help pull him up. I'm in that void again. That void that scares me. I just watch as something that can only be called a special moment happens between them. Ginny taking hold of his bloody hands to help him up. Harry looks up at her, just watching her as he followers her lead as if he needs her help to move.

This is not my Harry. I turn away from them. I can't stand to see. I can't stand this horrible feeling.

Someone yells that a professor is coming. People are scattering and I move with them but then my eyes fall on Malfoy. He inadvertently worked to my wishes, poking at Harry to make him jealous just as I had wanted but I am not happy, not satisfied.

I think about leaving him there, unconscious on the floor like the loser he is and forgetting all about this, losing myself and all the empty feelings into the pages of a book. But I don't. My feet move me toward him and I point my wand at him, levitating him so we can make a quick getaway. Unable to stop myself, my eyes seek out Harry. I spot Harry looking at us as Ginny and Ron pull him away.

He looks guilty, regretful. I frown at him, turn away and head toward the entrance to the hall as Harry goes for the hidden alcove. Not my Harry, I think as I walk away. I have to separate the Harry that I know from this Harry that appears when in Hogwarts otherwise it hurts too much.

I need to distract myself. I take my time thinking what my next move should be with Malfoy.

I know I cant walk through the halls with a bloodied, unconscious, Malfoy especially with a teacher on the prowl so I quickly disillusion us before heading toward the nearest escape route, the entrance doors. Again it is cold outside so I put a strong warming charm on myself before reluctantly putting one on Malfoy too. I take us outside and head for the Whomping Willow.

This is the only place I can think of where no one will find us and I can heal the bloody prick even though I don't won't to. Bruises heal and this won't stop him from forcing his presence on me after we come back from Hogwarts, getting into my space, purposely seeking to make me uncomfortable.

A snowflake lands on my lashes. I blink it away and realize that it's pretty outside. Without the cold to make me yearn for the warmth of the castle, the grounds covered in beautiful white snow is almost inviting. I like the solitary it gives. The quiet.

I look down at the steps and remember Harry's hand up my skirt, plunging his fingers into me causing a thrill to shoot throughout my body. It's a good feeling so I replay those feelings over and over again in my head, let it erase the face Harry left me with just now, let it burn away Ginny Weasley helping up Harry.

I step down, walk away. My footsteps crunch in the snow, my breath escapes me in puffs. It all sounds so loud in this quiet. I move in this void of white to the Whomping Willow that starts flailing as I approach. I set Malfoy down in the snow so that I can levitate a stick to the notch on the tree.

When I turn back around I pause looking down at Malfoy. He looks paler than usual, his robes a stark contrast to his skin and the snow. His hair too looks tousled and only a shade or two darker than the snow he lays upon.

And the blood. It covers his lower face and neck and his eyes a puffy purplish red. There is something tragic looking at his beat-up face as he lays on the snow. It makes my emotions stir. I wish distantly that I had a camera to take a picture of him, there is something poetic about this image that I would like to see in a picture. It would look even better if his face was tilted a little more to the right.

I crouch down, getting a good look at his injuries and reach out a cold pale hand to move his face just so. There. Standing up I think that its a perfect picture now. Too bad I don't have a camera. I take a mental one instead.

With a flick, Malfoy is floating again and I direct him through the passageway and down the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. The shack groans and moves ever so slightly as I climb the stairs with paranoia. When Harry had discovered it after Fred and George gave him the map I had been furious that he would dare to go in here, scared that the unstable shack would collapse on us.

I forbade him from ever coming back here and yet here I am now breaking my own rule to help Malfoy, of all things. I enter the only room with a bed and lay Malfoy down onto it. I can't help but smile as I think how mortified Malfoy would feel to be on this filthy bed if he was awake.

I eye his messed up face again. I don't find all the blood and swelling gross or pitiful. I know what its like to get beaten, as does Harry. Harry especially. I think back on all the times I've tended to Harry's bruised and bloodied face but without magic. In my opinion, Malfoy is lucky. I can heal him almost new in just a few moments.

I clean his face first, then fix his broken nose and reduce the swelling in his eyes. It doesn't take long before Malfoy looks nearly normal again and I can't help but feel bitter at how easy it is to fix the damage Harry had inflicted with magic and how I couldn't use it to help Harry in the past just because of the ministry. How many times would magic have helped us if we'd been allowed to use it?

 

 

 

 

I break the quiet of the household with my labored breathing as I raise my shaky fingers to fumble with the latch of Harry's door. My heart beats frantically and there are tears pooled in my eyes but I squelch the need to cry. Harry needs me.

 

It had been torture listening to Harry's cries as Vernon beat him. I had beat my hands bloody banging on the door to my room begging him to stop, crying uselessly. It had taken me forever to climb out of the tiny window of my makeshift room onto the tree outside but I had done it. Immediately I raced to the back door, gotten the hidden key to open the door on and ran in. The eerie quiet had made my heart plummet and my world spin and now trying to open Harry's door I feel as if I'm about to be sick.

I get the latch to turn. With potent fear, I open Harry's room. I gasp at Harry's bruised and bloodied face, his body looking broken as if just tossed in here like the trash, not even bothering to put him in his bed. I fall down to my knees before him, checking his pulse and crying out with relief when I find it. I immediately race back out for the first aid kit. It's only ever been used for when Dudley has gotten a scratch from playing outside with his friends and it sickens me that they would use it for such a small thing but not for Harry who actually needs it so badly.

I tenderly take Harry's bloodied nearly unrecognizable face in my hands and move it so I can tend to him. I clean him carefully, fixing him like one would fix a broken china glass until I'm surrounded by blood-stained cloth. I'm thankful that his nose isn't broken. Still, It needs ice so I run to the kitchen to grab it, putting Harry's head in my lap and holding it onto his nose.

The cold wakes him and he tries to open his swelled up eyes.

"'Ermione," Harry breathes and the sound breaks my heart.

"Shh. Don't talk, Harry." I say as tears fall uncontrollably down my face. Harry's hand reaches up to gently swipe at my face with his thumb.

"'hour cryin'" He says and all I can do is not my head and bit my lip. Harry's hand land on my wrist to pull my hand holding the ice to his nose away from his face.

"I have to keep ice on your nose-"

"'iss, 'ermbione..." I frown not understanding when he taps a finger to his lips and then mine. My eyes widen as understanding dawns. Kiss. He wants a kiss.

I lean down as he shuts his eyes. I lightly press my lips to his, mindful of the cut on his bottom lip. It's a fleeting touch until Harry's hand tangles into my hair and pulls me firmer on him. I open my eyes in shock to find his closed, his lips moving over mine without a care to the pain I know he must be in.

A pang shoots through my heart. Harry's pain is my pain and since that is so I know what he needs. I lay myself down beside him, pressing close and find his hand. Taking hold of it I clasp our fingers together tight letting him know without words that I am right here. Right beside him.

Harry breaks the kiss, and tries to look at me through his swollen eyes. I gaze intently at him, memorizing each bruise and cut while raising my other hand to scratch lightly through his mused hair. He looks at me for a while before he scoots down slightly so he can comfortably rest his head against my chest. He's listening to my heart beats, I realize and continue to run my fingers through his hair long after his breathing had become deep with sleep.

A week later and Harry's face is still bruised up and every time I see him in such a state my blood starts to boil and I glare contemptuously sat the Dursley's. Harry's not allowed outside with his face like that, not even to do chores so I have to go out and do them. It's not all bad. Yes, the work is hard but because its either too cold or too hot for the Dursley's they don't bother to come out except to tell you what to do and then to tell you when you're done. It's peaceful and quiet.

Harry stares outside a lot, his eyes far away like he's somewhere else entirely. I envy him. I am fully here. I am hating and hurting and feeling every minute of this. The only way my mind escapes from think of the utter hatred I feel for the Dursley's and all the ways I'd like to get back at them is through books and Harry.

And when Harry is hurt like this there is no escaping. His face constantly sets my mind off into tangents. It's not until a month later that Harry's face is bruise free and I can function normally again without fretting, without hating.

 

 

 

 

I leave Malfoy there on the bed with only a note on how to get back to Hogwarts and to not tell a soul about this place. I don't ask him not to tell on Harry since I know that word has gotten around to a professor about the fight and Harry will get in trouble either way but at least with Malfoy all healed the punishment won't be as bad.

 

I don't see Malfoy again after that and I'm grateful. My mood blackens and continues to worsen as the time to leave for the Weasley household approaches. I want to tell Harry that I am absolutely not going but I cant. Not because Harry tells me I have to go but because I have to go there to keep on eye on him and Ginny. I can't let them go on like this.

So I pack up my things, watch the hours creep on by until the time comes to depart.

A knock on my door forces me to get up from my bed and answer. I open it to find Ginny on the other side completely unexpected. I can't help my initial reaction of disgust and I know she's seen it when her body tenses and her eyes go unkind.

"Harry sent me up here." She says as her way of greeting. There is a spike in my heart at the sound of his name marred by it coming from her lips. "He wants to make sure that you're coming."

And that I've not tried to give him the slip, I'm sure. I can't contain my eye roll.

"Yes, I'm coming." I'm prepared to close the door when Ginny's hand shoots out with surprisingly quick speed to hold it. My eyes flash to hers to find her staring at me very seriously.

"Listen, you don't have to come if you don't want to. I told Harry that he shouldn't pressure you, that you're a big girl and can make your own decisions especially since Malfoy is staying too-"

"What does Malfoy staying have to do with anything?" I cut in sharply eyeing the taller girl with growing anger.

"Well, you and Malfoy are dating afterall-"

"What?" I hiss my eyes like slits. "Malfoy and I are not dating!"

It's Ginny's turn to look shocked and something else I can't put my finger on.

"So it was just a rumor, then. You and Malfoy aren't together?"

"Obviously! Malfoy is an immature prat that likes to bully. I would never date him."

"But you've been hanging around him quite a bit-"

"He fancies me so he follows me around but I don't like him! Did you tell Harry that we're dating?" I don't mask the accusation in my voice. I am suspicious. It wouldn't be a surprise if she said something to Harry about it to measure up his feelings.

"It's a rumor, I didn't have to tell Harry anything, we both heard it at the same time." she answers in her own aggravated voice.

"How long ago did he hear this? Who said it to him? What did he say?"

Ginny looks at me strangely at my rapid questioning. I don't care I have to know when.

"Err... We both heard it about a week ago, I don't know...what's the big deal? It was just talk during Quidditch. Harry said that it wasn't true but then everyone said they kept seeing you and Malfoy in the library together but no one wanted to ask you-"

"Well, it's not true! I don't feel that way for anyone!" Except for Harry. It's on the tip of my tongue. All I have to do is just tell her, tell her Harry is mine, tell her that she's just a cover to Harry so he doesn't have to face his feelings for me.

But then I am hit with a thought. If I did that what would Harry do? Would he deny it? Turn his back on me? Hate me?

I can't do it. I can't chance Harry's hatred.

Anger pounds through me that I'm in this position at all. It makes me realize that I'm not exactly angry at Ginny. It's not her fault. It's not her fault that she fell in love with Harry. He is one of the kind so of course there would be others that would fall for him. No, it's Harry's fault. He led her on, he gave her false hope, he put her in the middle of us.

I hold onto that thought and the pitying feelings it stirs in me so that it stops me from saying something I'd regret. I reign it all in, holding my tongue. I won't crush this girl's dream just yet. Harry needs to be punished first.

"You know, it's alright to feel something for someone, even if it is Malfoy." She says looking at me still with that odd expression on her face after the awkward pause.

I can't imagine what she is thinking. I know she senses something off about my relationship with Harry but her mind refuses the right answer, so incidentally she wants me to have this false relationship with Malfoy. Then I'd be a sister with a brother complex, annoying but not a threat to her relationship with Harry. If only that were really true.

"Right, I'll keep that in mind if I ever find myself fancying git. You can tell Harry not to worry I'll be down there with the rest of you when it comes time to leave." Conversation done I close the door on her face. I don't want to look at her too much because then I'd find myself comparing myself to her.

I know deep down that looks aren't what really matters, not with Harry. The horrible things that have happened to us are what bind us together and unfortunately for Ginny with all her prettiness she just can't compete with that.

Although, I still wonder...If Harry and I hadn't been twins...if we didn't have any connection before Hogwarts, would he still love me? It's useless to think about since there is no changing what is...yet I can't stop myself sometimes...

And I'm almost positive what the answer is anyway.

I stare out the window as I wait. Two weeks. Two weeks at the Weasley's. A lot can happen in two weeks. I know it won't be anything good. A dark feeling creeps up on me. I'm at war with myself in my mind.

It's not just Ginny cuddling with Harry that I don't want to see. It's the Weasley family in general, acting so close, and so loving, bantering and bickering as a family should with noticeable love.

I don't want to see it.

I watch the snow falling outside, cross my arms against my chest, try to shield myself from myself.

Too quickly it is time to go. I grab my things and head down to the common room with lead in my stomach. As soon as I step a foot down on the common room floor Harry is there.

"Hermione." he says standing up from his spot next to Ginny on the couch and coming over to me. A feel a spark of something as he comes over. Maybe its because of his growth but Harry seems even more incredible to me. I resent it. "We've been waiting."

"I told your little owl that you sent earlier that I was still coming, Harry. You could have waited for me at the entrance."

"I am not an owl!" Ginny pipes up as she stands. "And I did tell your brother what you said."

"I just wanted to make sure, anyway, let's go, I told Ron to hold seats for us on the train." I have to swallow a refusal down as Harry grabs our things and Ginny hooks her arm through his. Standing beside each other I can see that she is just about as tall as he is and lithe too to fit his frame. They look good together.

I feel sick already. I don't want to be around this. It would be so much easier to just hide away but I can't. Hiding would mean giving up, letting Harry be so he can fall properly in love with Ginny.

I'm not ready to give up.

Ron is waiting for us as Harry said, his tall lanky frame sticking out from the crowd as much as his red hair. I plaster on a small smile when he spots us while plotting which book I'd like to read to distract myself the whole ride back. Ron spots the smile and does a double take, blue eyes going wide. This surprises me. I know I am not the friendliest but the way Ron looks its as if I've never smiled before.

His ears go red. I feel an apprehensive feeling creep over me as I'm jostled in the crowd of people. Awkwardly I gaze away and suppress a frown. Even though I want Ron to develop a crush on me I realize now that it's all better in theory. I am completely unprepared for what it means to have a boy, a normal adolescent albeit slightly dim-witted boy, like me.

I only know Harry. I only want Harry. I can't think of anyone else developing the scary gut-wrenching feeling of love like I feel for Harry on me.

I suppose the normal response is to feel flattered, even good, to have a boy think you are attractive but I don't feel that way. Instead, there is a cowardly part of me that want's to hide away. I feel small and weak as I pass his taller frame to board. I am too aware of his emotion and what it could mean, what it could make him do, what it can change him into. Just like what I'm doing to Harry.

I must be having on of those days. I'm normally not so wary but that is all I feel today. I have to snap out of this.

I take a deep breath, board the train. I'm behind Ron's tall frame, my eyes level with his shoulder blades. I follow behind him until Harry stops at an empty compartment. There is an awkward moment with the seating arrangement.

In the past when we would board the train to Hogwarts it would be just Harry, Ron and I in a compartment with Harry and myself sitting on one side and Ron on the other. Ginny's presence throws everything off.

I stand for a moment at the threshold, my eyes burning into Harry as Ginny snuggles in beside him. The only place for me to sit is next to Ron. I don't want to. I don't want to sit here with them.

I'm taking too long to enter. Everyone is looking at me now, even the impatient people waiting for me to move out of their way. I stare at Harry whose eyes are staring right back at me. He looks afraid, nervous at what scene I might raise. I am not in the mood to make scene. He's lucky.

I take a breath and sit next to Ron, the tension breaking with my movements as someone outside says 'took her long enough!'. I get back up to close the compartment door, missing the quizzical looks exchanged between the Weasley siblings to each other and to Harry.

Turning back around I take out my book and sit next to Ron. A second before I sit down I make a decision to shake my wariness and to fight.

I have to force myself to not sit pressed as far away from him as possible but instead closer to him than what is deemed normal. I do it with a seemingly innocent ease although my teeth are gritted.

I sit close enough that our arms are almost touching. I open my book as Ron coughs and let my hair fall into my face to hide my eyes. I peer over at him and note his red ears again.

I don't understand it. I thought it would be much harder to get Ronald's attention. Impossible even, since I thought he found me annoying and a nightmare. I'm thrown by his reactions. Had I missed something? When I looked at Ronald did I ever really see him?

No, no I didn't. I purposefully overlooked him. I wanted to make it clear from the start that his presence was unwanted. My mind forces me to think of all possible angles. Ronald could have somehow developed a crush. I file this for later usage.

I move my eyes away and over to the window. There is a glare from the lights above that make it seem more like a mirror though I can faintly see trees zooming past like dark shadows. I stare out there for a while, the conversation around the compartment like a low humming sound to my ears.

The train stutters, making my hair fall into my face, annoyingly tickling my skin. I raise my hand to push it back, my arm brushing against Ron. Immediately my eyes seek to see his reaction in the reflection of the window but I cannot tell if his ears have gone red again. I lower my arm, grazing his leg as I lay my hand on the bench, still watching.

His leg jerks as if I shocked him with electricity. His head turns away toward the window and I can clearly see his flaming red cheeks and the uncomfortable downturn of his lips. Uh oh. Suspicions confirmed. I wonder if Harry knows. My eyes drift to Harry's side absentmindedly through the glass relfection.

Green eyes pierce into my own with hot anger churning in their depths. My heart jolts in my chest as Harry looks at me darkly, eyes shadowed by his fringe. He doesn't need to say anything, his eyes are warning enough. Stop it.

My body responds to that look, a thrill shooting through me with his eyes so focused on me. I wish we were alone. I want to touch him. I want that dark look to turn into hot heady lust. I want him to demand more of me. Yell at me for tempting another, tell me that I'm his. Be jealous. I want it.

I glance away to stare at Harry's hands. I know he wants to do and say those things. I know him.

Deliberately, I uncross my legs and then recross them, 'accidentally' touching Ron's leg with my own as I do so and watch as those hands curl into fists. I let a smile flit across my face before I turn to Ron.

"Sorry." I mumble.

"Oh, err... 'ts alright." He says with a casual shrug though his eyes can't meet my own, and he's sitting very tensely.

"Hermione," Harry's voice is cold, hard. I turn to look at him, my own eyes nonchalant, provoking.

"Yes, Harry?" His jaw clenches, and I fight not to smile at how easy it is to get a rise out of him.

"I think Ron is uncomfortable with how close you're sitting to him. Move." Yes, he's pissed.

I scoff at Harry, rolling my eyes and note Ginny observing us with an unreadable expression.

"Don't be silly, Harry, Ron isn't uncomfortable, are you Ron?" I ask hypothetically, talking before he can even respond. "Besides I'm not even sitting close to him."

"Hermione..." Harry growls.

I can't help it anymore, I smile a slow, knowing, rebellious curve of the lips. Harry's eyes narrow. I know he wants to yell at me, punish me even, but he can't. I turn my eyes to Ginny whose looking at me with suspicion clear in her eyes having seen what she must find to be a very strange smile on my face.

"Ginny," I start smartly, "tell your boyfriend to let up." I'm proud that I manage to say the word without disgust and contempt. Ginny opens her mouth but Harry cuts her off.

"That's enough, Hermione!" His voice is loud, sharp, dangerous. Ginny and Ron jump slightly at the sound of it but I just sit calmly staring at Harry as he glares hotly at me.

"Don't raise your voice at me, Harry Potter, you are over-reacting." I use my best berating voice, though this is the exact response I want.

"I am not! I know what-..." He trails off looking angry, frustrated. I raise my eyebrows at him knowing exactly what he was going to say but he can't start that kind of fight here, not with his best friend and girlfriend watching and listening to the exchange.

"Sod it!" He hisses, shooting up from his seat and snatching my arm.

I am generally thrown by this as Harry drags me out of the compartment without pause.

"Harry!" Ginny cries with surprise but Harry ignores her, ignores the stares we're receiving from other noisy compartments. With single-minded purposeful strides, Harry moves us down the aisles searching for an empty one without any luck.

I can't keep my mouth shut.

"Harry, what do you think you're doing?" I ask curiously, not at all upset with the way this is going.

"Shut up." It's not said maliciously but it still irks me none-the-less.

"I will not! Isn't this little reaction of yours ruining whatever little plan you've got in your head? Surely, Ginny will wonder about such a response-"

Faster than I expect, Harry twists back to face me, his face filled with anger, eyes intensely meeting mine.

"It's your fault!" He hisses as I just stare up at him. "You did this on purpose!"

"I did," I readily admit making Harry's eyes flash. "But you didn't have to rise to it. You could have just carried on, couldn't you, but you can't! Admit it, you can't stand the thought of me with any man."

Harry's expression twists into a frown, eyes shooting up to look at the people watching us. I see him grit his teeth just before he turns on his heal again, pulling on my wrist. I stare at the nape of Harry's neck, his messy black hair, the expanse of his back and feel a throb low in my belly. Damn, it's so easy for me to feel turned on by him. I must be sick.

We come to one of the bathrooms. There's a younger year boy waiting for the loo but Harry whips out his wand with his free hand and confounds the boy quickly without a word. I stare at Harry headily, anticipation shooting straight to my core. I want him. I want him bad.

I want to feel that light-headed delirium again that I felt when he touched me. I want those fingers, that mouth, his tongue all over me. I want to be filled by his cock. I want to be taken with abandon and feel good.

Harry's fists slams down on the bathroom door eliciting a squeak from the inside.

"Hurry up!" Harry barks with impatience.

Harry's eyes turn to mine and I stare back with naked lust in my eyes. His own widen with surprise and he tenses like a deer caught in the headlights. A girl comes out from the bathroom with a red face, running away without looking at us due to embarrassment.

I grab Harry's robe with my free hand, using all the force in my body to push him backward stumbling into the bathroom. I don't want him to escape. I shut the door behind me, locking it while staring at Harry. It's a tight fit. Our bodies only have a few inches between. Harry is breathing heavily, his eyes already clouding over with his own lust. He knows what my intentions are.

"Don't Hermione-" I step closer silently, staring up at him rawly. He must not realize that he still has my wrist in his hand that he's clutching tightly. I don't mind it.

I watch his adam's apple bob as he swallows hard, wanting to run my tongue down his neck and suck his skin hard enough to leave a mark.

"This isn't how this is bloody supposed to go Hermione! I'm furious with you-"

His words are useless and a waste. It's already too late. It's his fault for turning me on, for reacting like I wanted, for not putting up more of a fight. I feel electrified. There's no place for Harry to run away to in this small confined space. The way he's staring at me says he knows it too.

"I don't get you, Hermione." He's probably wondering how the situation has flipped so much.

"Harry, don't run away" I breathe, reaching my hand up to run roughly through his hair. "You know what I want." I trail my hand down going from his neck down the length of his stomach without pause. "Let me touch you." Harry's hand lashes out like a cobra to capture my wrist, stopping me from touching him down there.

"No," His voice is strained, deeper than usual, it makes me shiver. I feel it straight down to my sex. I don't let the fact that he has both wrists stop me. I step closer, closing the distance between us to press the length of my body against him, wishing there were no clothes and I could feel his naked flesh.

I peer through my eyelashes up at him.

"I've touched myself every night fantasizing about you." Harry sucks in a sharp breath, his eyes widening as he gazes at me before settling into something concupiscent, carnal. I breathe him in, the provocative tension between us making my head lose all sense of rational. I just know I need to tell him what he does to me, why I can't leave him alone despite it all. "I don't care anymore that its sick to feel this way."

"I want you, Harry," I say against his lips, as Harry watches me, his face flushed and his eyes fixated. I wriggle one of my hands-free, open my legs wider and reach a hand down to touch myself over my knickers, my hand grazing against the bulged of his pants. Harry's breath stutters, his tongue coming out to lick his lips. "I replay your fingers thrusting in and out of me over and over again." I grind into my hand shamelessly, slip my fingers inside to my wet quim, sliding a finger over my clit. Harry's hand slide up my thigh, making me unable to breathe as he grabs hold of my skirt into a bunch and pulling it up so he can see.

It's quiet except for my heavy breathing as Harry watches me touch myself, holding my skirt up. I moan, unable to help it as I touch myself feeling it even more with him watching. It's so much better than a fantasy. I'm already so close.

Harry stares down at me riveted just as he was when he touched me that day and it makes me vibrate with need. I watch him as I take my fingers out coated with my juices and bring them up to his face.

"Fuck!" Its said with spiteful resignation as Harry again grabs my wrist but this time to pull my hand to him as he opens his mouth and sucks in my fingers.

I feel my knees go weak as Harry sucks and licks away my juices, his eyes closing and his head falling back as he licks them clean like its his favorite dessert. My own mouth parts slightly as I watch him. Harry opens his eyes slightly to look down at me as he lets my fingers slip out of his mouth.

"Shit," he breathes heavily, his eyes going from me, heavenward as he continues to say expletives, trying and failing to reign in some sense of control futilely.

I can't think straight. He releases my wrist one finger at a time. I want to touch him. I want to taste him. I want to rub myself against him. I lean up and kiss him, eyes still open. Harry parts his lips for me and I taste myself faintly on his tongue without care. Harry's hand comes to clench into my hair, his own tongue coming to touch my own, sucking it, kissing me passionately. I close my eyes, get lost in it as Harry kisses turn almost bruising as he slides his tongue over mine nips my lips.

Desperate little moans escape me. I practically climb Harry in order to grind my hips against him, needing more, demanding more. Harry moves a leg between my thighs and I rub myself up and down wantonly, needing the friction against my clit. I clutch onto Harry as his hand trails down my backside to my hip his other hand finally releasing my wrist to join the other.

With surprising speed and strength Harry turns us around, pressing me against the wall and lifting my hips up to meet his, hissing as the bulge of his pants hit against my wet knickers. With a bruising grip Harry brings my hips up and down over his clothed erection frantically. Crudely we mimic the motions of having sex without actually having sex. He presses into me hard and it feels so good...

It's not nearly enough. I can't take my eyes off of Harry even through the haze of lust, lost in sensation and the stimulating sight of him thrusting against me with his face flushed, panting, eyes cloudy as he too loses himself. I burn the image of him in my mind as I grind my hips over his.

Our breaths are loud like the roaring sound in my ears. It feels good to hump against each other but with all the clothing in the way its not enough and the angle is not the best. It would be better if he was sitting and I could press myself against him over and over again. Harry lets out a tiny little groan as if he agrees with me.

Harry's head falls against my shoulder, his breath ghosting over the skin of my neck in pants, raising goosebumps. He slows down his thrusting but never stops even as he speaks.

"Stop me."

His voice is low, gravelly and sends a jolt straight through me to my belly.

"No!" My hands go for his hips to bring him harder against me, holding onto the belt loops of his pants.

"Harry!"

We both jump at the loud pounding sounding on the bathroom door.

"Harry!" Ginny calls again and it's like a freezing water was dumped over us.

Harry jerks away from me like I lit his hands on fire and in his haste, he loses his footing and collides against the door.

"Harry? Are you alright? Open up!"

Harry is looking at me with wide eyes like a shocked frightened animal.

"Harry don't." I plead. I don't like this. I don't like Harry's reaction. I near him but Harry's hand stop me, upraised as if he's warding me off.

"No, don't. Don't look at me like that. Why do you have to feel this way? Why-"

"Why didn't you stop me?" He hisses, his face hardening. He wants to fight with me, wants to blame me for everything, I just know it. He looks like he's holding back some biting words.

Ginny's incessant pounding doesn't let up and I know that her presence waiting for Harry behind the door is the only thing stopping Harry from giving me a tongue lashing.

I want to slap him. I'm sick of this. I feel my throat burning and I swallow thickly. I refuse to cry.

"Get out of here then!" I can't look at him. I glare down at my clenched fists instead.

The door slams shut at Harry's departure, leaving me behind in the trembling walls.


	7. Control

I'm tempted to just go away.

I toy with the idea of actually accioing a broom and flying out of a moving train. I don't want to be around Harry.

Potent anger is rushing through me as I loiter outside the bathroom and consider my next move.

I want Harry to just cave already. I'm sick of him fighting me and I'm sick of this whole situation. It just isn't fair, isn't it?

Does he honestly think that if I could magically make myself stop feeling the way I do for him that I wouldn't? But obviously I can't, can I? Especially because I know he feels the same way. He's proven it to me over and over again.

It's really all his fault, to be honest. He's the one who set the tone for our relationship, he's the one who made himself so important that I can't be without him so he should just take responsibility!

I need relief from my frustrations.

My wand is out a second later and I run off some tricky but useless transfiguration spells- a piece of rubbish left on the floor becomes a large bouquet of lilies, the lilies into birds, the birds into a chair.

My spellmanship gives me an audience. I can feel their eyes on me as I transfigure more and I hate it. I hate the feeling of being watched. I quickly stop and glare at the onlookers as I brusquely march away.

To try to find an empty compartment is not as impossible as it seems since some students don't go home for Christmas or leave through flooing. I find one a ways away from Harry but right now anywhere on this train isn't far enough. I make do.

I think its a shame that I left my books in their compartment but I'm not going to go get them and it's against school rules to accio something on the train in case it hits someone.

So I do the only thing I can do. I curl up on the bench and fall asleep.

 

 

 

 

We still like stone as all eyes fall on us. I get nervous at all the attention. It wasn't like this for all the other students when their names were called to get sorted.

 

Harry takes a step forward and I naturally move with him so our clasped hand don't get separated. We're not about to let go of each other.

We both move forward weaving through the others as they stare at us.

Harry squeezes my hand. 'It's okay, I'm right here.' He is saying. I breathe a little easier.

We near the steps.

"Ms. Potter cannot join you while you are being sorted, Mr. Potter." Professor McGonagall's expression is stern and unrelenting.

Harry straightens his spine, cold green eyes glaring up at her as I look on, silently supporting him.

"We're not separating." I nod beside him and move closer to his side. McGonagall balks at his gumption but before the rising anger can explode from her, Headmaster Dumbledore speaks up.

"It's alright, Professor McGonagall. Just this time won't harm." He peers at us over his half-moon glasses with a little smile, his eyes laughing and never once leaving us.

Harry and I both feel a little less tense at his words but McGonagall is clearly unhappy, her face quite perturbed.

"But, Headmaster! If you allow such behavior-"

"Minerva, we still have quite a ways to go with the sorting. Mr. Potter, Ms. Potter, if you will." He gestures to the stool in front of him. Harry and I know not to look a gifted horse in the mouth so we continue forward together, ignoring Professor McGonagall's huffing.

Harry takes the stool first with me standing to his left, holding his hand. McGonagall has to move to his other side to place the hat on his head when its clear I'm not about to let his hand go.

It's scary to look out and see all those eyes watching us, whispering to each other. Petulantly, I yearn to be alone with Harry in a tight space like the cupboard in our own world without all these outsiders.

A small jolt from Harry draws my attention to him to find the sorting hat's lips moving but no sound admitting from him. The hat is to big for Harry's head, covering his eyes so Its hard for me to decipher what's the matter with him.

Instinctively, my hand tightens around him in my concern. There is a pause before Harry's thumb rubs soothing circles over my hand. Communication without words.

The hat calls out Gryffindor and the hall instantly erupts with excitement; Gryffindors screaming and beckoning Harry. He stands to look at the Gryffindors, making no move to listen to their calls, his hand still firmly in mine. I sit on the stool, already screaming in my head to be sorted into Gryffindor. The hat stood no chance.

We go down and sit at the table together. We are quiet as the others act fanatically to having both of the Potter twins in their house.

We both hate the attention.

It makes us both feel so sick that we don't eat even when the older kids tell us to.

"They're too odd, those two. Like dolls." Someone says.

"More like Siamese twins. Do they ever let go of each other?"

The talk gets worse as the weeks pile on but Harry and I don't mind it.

"I bet they even shower together."

"I heard that they both go to the loo together."

"Well, I heard Dean and Seamus saying that they've seen Hermione sleeping in Harry's bed at night!"

"That's just too bloody weird!"

At night, while tucked comfortably with Harry in his bed, I ask him the questions that have been burning me up.

"Are you alright, Harry? Does it bother you, what they're saying?"

Harry's arm reflectively tightens around me.

"No, not at all." A lie. "Why? Does it bother you?"

I burrow myself closer to him.

"No, I only care about what you think."

Soon, the talk dies down, most people getting used to seeing us always together with the exception of certain Slytherin's. And then Neville's rememberall gets taken by Malfoy and Harry becomes a hero.

"That's bloody wicked, mate! How you caught it."

"Yeah really brilliant! You flew so fast!"

We're surrounded, smiling faces directed at Harry filled with excitement and awe. Harry looks shy but not that uncomfortable but I can't take it. These bodies are too close, their attention too much. I let go of Harry's hand and move away, my spot immediately getting taken by somebody else. Nobody even pays the slightest attention to the only girl who told Harry not to.

Except for Harry.

His eyes immediately search through the crowd for me and I get a second to see the confusion in them before his attention is diverted. I walk away to the library where I study even more fervently on an upcoming potions exam.

"Harry's so wicked cool, isn't he?"

"The first first-year in over a century to make the Quidditch team!"

"It's surprising though, isn't it? I had no idea that he could do that!"

"That's because he's never does anything! He's always just with his sister."

"Yeah, I don't know why he always sticks with her so much. All she does is study!"

"Well, I reckon it's because she doesn't have any friends, right?"

In bed, Harry pins me down to the bed with a hard stare.

"What happened to you earlier? Why did you just go off like that?"

Petulantly, I can't shake the anger I feel toward Harry, even though logically I know its none of his fault. I give him a half-hearted shrug and don't open my mouth, refusing to meet his eyes. He shoots off some guesses getting more frustrated when I continuously don't respond to him.

"Hermione!" he growls, reaching out and grabbing my face so I would look at him.

I break down as soon as I face him, telling him all of my feelings as stupid tears run down my face and over his hand. Harry laughs at me and I'm so thrown by his reaction that I stop crying. Harry looks at me and kisses my face and then my lips.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard, Hermione! I don't care about anything other than you! We'll be together always just like we have been, nothing will ever change..."

 

 

 

 

I move in the dreamlike state as the Weasley's greet us and I'm stuck in this dreamlike state as the days go by. Seeing but not seeing. I can't allow myself to see and feel normally.

 

I don't want to see the Weasley's being so happy surrounded by their precious family. I can already taste the bitterness on my tongue, feel my eyes turn green with envy. Warm fire next to a Christmas tree filled with presents as Molly cooks up a hardy meal with sounds of laughter and banter lifting the house.

It hurts. Harry loves it, sees it as a goal to strive for but me...I'd rather ignore it, throw myself in books, fix things involving other peoples problems and remove myself from my own pain. Seeing a happy family doesn't make me feel hopeful it makes me feel pain, sadness, anger.

And seeing Harry like a hopeful kid makes me want to drag him down to me, to my level.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Self-hatred makes me tear away at my self-esteem. I'm at war with myself. I know that my clinging to Harry is bringing him down in more ways than one. It's making him deny his greatest wish, to have a happy family. My presence only reminds him of the bad, like I am the embodiment of his pain, a face to take hold of all the things he wants to forget.

The good thing- the right and the brave thing to do would be to let Harry go, separate myself from him. Him ignoring me and going out of his way to avoid me is like a bucket of ice water over my head.

I need to let him go.

The thought gets more pronounced as the days go on.

In this house I am like a ghost, there but not there to the other's around me, not engaging with them as Harry.

Outsider. Ostracized.

I spend my time reading in Ginny's room since she is never in it except for nighttime.

I make sure she's always there for nighttime.

However, most of the time I stare out of the window. Ginny's window faces the little field that they play Quidditch in. I sometimes spy on Harry.

I get observed in writing a list of the reasons why I should give up on Harry and then I combat it with a list of why I shouldn't.

All too quickly, the door bursts open, startling me. I turn to see an equally surprised Ron towering in the doorway. For a moment we just blink at each other.

"Oh, err, sorry. I didn't know you were in here."

I watch him as his face turns red and he coughs uncomfortably. He doesn't leave, however, even though he looks like he wants to. I find this to be odd, not annoying like I would have thought in the past. I turn more fully to face him, putting down my quill.

"Do you need something?" I don't mean for it to sound catty but it does anyway.

Ronald's face gets defensive as his ears go red.

"I don't need anything from you if that's what you're asking. Just came to get back something Gin took from me." He says as he stomps over to snatch up a broom cleaner tool.

I watch him as he goes. He pauses at the door for a moment before he swivels back around, his face set in a frown.

"You know, you're really full of yourself! You think my family's not good enough to socialize with so you stay hauled up by yourself all the time? No one forced you to come over, you know! The least you could do instead of going around with that frown on your face all the time is to show some thanks to my mum who lets you eat her food all the time!"

I'm taken aback by this unexpected onslaught of anger. I didn't think of what I look like to the Weasley's having always been so conscious of what I feel to them. I realize that my expressions could be misconstrued.

Then again, is it misconstrued? I really don't like the Weasley's.

I wonder if Ronald has spoken to Harry about this. Did it make things awkward for him?

I also realize that this is the first time I've talked to Ronald without Harry being around. It's no surprise that we would have a spat.

"I don't frown all the time, I was just thinking. Though, I'm not surprised that you wouldn't know what that looks like." I respond. There's no way I am going to apologize to him when I'm not the least bit sorry.

Ronald's face gets redder.

"Does that make you feel good? Being a bitch to people all the time? That's why nobody likes you! You think you are so much smarter than everybody-"

"So what is your point? I am a lot smarter but that's because I actually try in school. I won't feel bad for that. It's you who should be ashamed."

Ron's face turns sour as he struggles for something to say, something to counter my words. I see his struggle, the frustration brewing and displacing itself onto me. He's bitter about something and lashing out at me. I can see this now but I don't care to know what has upset him. I want him to leave.

"That's not what I'm talking about. I'm saying that you're stuck up! Since we've been here you haven't once stuck your nose out of a book!"

Oh, I see now. I think as he continues on. It's all so clear to me now, the real reason for him having a go at me. Something spikes in my heart that's neither unpleasant or pleasant. A feeling I've never felt before.

"Sod it! I don't even know why I'm bothering myself with you!"

I look at him properly now to see him walking away. Was that his odd way of trying to get my attention? Could it really be like I think? That he's really mad that I haven't tried to hang out with him?

Does he want to hang around me?

That feeling strengths in my heart. I know what this feeling is now. Empathy.

I know what its like to want to see yourself reflected in someone's' eyes. I remember what it felt like to see myself in Harry's beautiful eyes. To have his focus so strongly that I was the only thing reflected. It felt like having a purpose, of being special, needed. I had a reason to live in this world.

But it's not like that anymore. I hate it. If I'm not reflected in those eyes then I'd rather him be blind than letting those eyes wander to someone else.

I think I understand you, Ronald Weasley. You're a simple-minded fool.

I watch Ronald at dinner to find him catching my eyes quite often, his face going from bitterness to confusion each time they met.

I go upstairs alone. I'm always the first to go to sleep. I wonder if he'll dream about me. If his mind is torturing itself wondering about me; what I'm thinking, if my gaze meant anything, what I think of him.

It's sad how easily emotions can be thrown in the name of supposed love.

Every night I dream of Harry and wake up panting in agonizing unfulfilled desire. Every night I rush off for the loo and seek some sort of reprieve.

I wonder why it is so agonizing. Why do these feelings have to hurt so much?

I let the water cool me off. It cleans me of my filthiness. I breathe in the steam with a long sigh.

I can't remember the last time I had a decent nights sleep. Definitely not since Harry stopped letting me sleep with him.

My bones feel heavy. I feel like I could fall asleep here in this tub filled with water.

It takes a minute for my lethargic mind to even realize that the door to the bathroom has been opened.

I look up, my wet hair falling away from my face slowly. Ronald Weasley stands before me, his mouth opened in shock as he stares, not moving.

Oh.

I wonder if he needs to use the loo.

I rise out of the water. I am not even thinking about being bashful. I can't possibly be bothered about what Ronald Weasley might think.

He stares fixedly, his eyes going blank. I step out of the tub and the moment my foot touches the floor its as if it shocks him. His whole body jolts and his face goes impossibly red.

"I-I-I'm-" He sputters completely tongue-tied.

I walk to the towel I placed on the counter, watching him struggle with himself.

His face is one that says he knows he should turn around but he can't and so he's embarrassed. His conflictions make me smile.

I hold the towel out to him. He looks at it blankly.

"Dry me." My words make his face slacken. I feel my heart explode in my chest. Dry me like Harry used to.

I want to say those words. There on the tip of my tongue but I can't. It's too much for this simple fool to handle. My heart is too much for him to handle.

Ron doesn't move. It's like I stunned him.

I look away, my stupid smile falling as I wrap the towel around myself.

"Get out Ronald Weasley," I say. I'm too tired now. I just want to sleep.

His eyes go wide and suddenly it seems as if the situation has finally caught up to him.

"No, I'll do it!" He scrambles with hopefulness, excitement, shock, desperation.

I hold my hand out so he doesn't approach.

"No, I've changed my mind." I say as I collect my clothes.

"Bu-"

"Goodnight." I breeze past him not saying another word.

For once he doesn't either.

The next day, I feel Ron's eyes on me constantly. Quietly, I eat breakfast and pointedly don't look at him. I move with specific purpose to pretend he is not there.

I do, however, decide to help Mrs. Weasley.

"I'll do that." I say, reaching for the plates that she was about to pick up.

"Oh!" She looks surprised as I grab the plates and bring them into the kitchen. This task is normally done by Harry and in turn Ginny but today I grab them before they can.

"I'll help too!"

I sigh hearing Ron's quick response.

"Oh!"

"Well, well, well, Does ickle Ronnikins-Omph!"

"Shut up Fred!"

"Ronald!"

In the moment's it takes for Ron to handle his brothers teasing and his mother's shock, Harry has come in and sets his plate on the counter beside me.

I don't look at him as I wash my plate. The pause of silence is awkward.

"So, you're helping." It feels like forever since that voice has been directed at me.

"Obviously."

"It's odd." I want to smile at his bluntness.

"Is it? I have basic manners too. It's not my fault that you and Ginny rush off all the time and it's not like it takes three to wash and dry dishes, does it?"

"It doesn't. But why does Ron-"

"Oh, Harry!" I look from my peripherals at Ron coming over then at Harry who looks displeased at being interrupted. "You don't have to help this time. Me and Hermione got it."

"Hermione and I." I correct him but it falls onto dear ears as Harry responds.

"You and...Hermione." He says this slowly as if its hard to say the two of us in the same sentence.

"Yeah mate." Clearly, the words shove off are suggested in his tone. I peek a look at Harry to see how he'd handle that and, like expected, his jaw is tight, his hand closest to me grips the counter tightly.

"Right then," He pauses as if reluctant to move. "Well, we have the Quidditch match later against the twins and we need you this time Ron since Percy decided to play, so hurry this up."

Harry walks off, leaving me alone with Ron.

I look up at him to find him just looking at me. He's waiting for my move. I grab the towel off the rack and hold it out to him. The air is thick as we both think of last night again.

"You dry."

Ron doesn't hesitate this time and takes the towel right out of my hand.

"Err, you know, about yesterday…"

"Which part about yesterday? When we rowed or when you saw me bathing?"

"Err..."

"You're better off just pretending that it didn't happen. Just forget it."

"I don't want to forget it." he quickly rushed to say.

His words catch me off guard. Surprised, I look up at him. He's completely red in the face, his face an uncomfortable frown. I think I heard wrong.

"What?"

He peeks over at me. My heart clenches.

"You heard me. I have no reason to forget about it."

Hmm. I think I have to re-evaluate Ronald Weasley. He's braver than I thought.

"Suit yourself then."

There's silence in which I can feel the nervous energy coming off of him.

"Are you, er…" He clears his throat uncomfortably. "You should play Quidditch with us after."

"I won't. I hate flying." I state with a firm there is no convincing me expression.

"What? How can you hate flying."

"Why do you think you've never seen me flying? I absolutely hate it and there's really no point in trying to convince me otherwise."

"I just thought you were embarrassed that Harry is so much better than you at it."

"Well you're wrong and if that had been true I would have practiced until I got better at it because I'm not a quitter." I strongly state, scrubbing the dishes with extra force.

The subject lulls but not for long. I only have the knives left to wash. I think Ron knows that his time is almost up.

"You should come out anyway. It's not good to be cooped up inside all day. You can watch us play or referee…"

I look outside the window. It's a beautiful day out. If I strain my ears I can hear laughter. I know that Harry is happy to be here. I know that these simple times just playing Quidditch in the sun are irreplaceable to him.

But it's not like that for me.

"No," I say, gaze falling back down to the knives in my hand. "I have to finish my holiday homework." That's a lie. I finished homework and started on other projects within the first few days of break.

Besides, Christmas is tomorrow and the best gift I can give Harry is this. Space.

"Oh come off it Hermione. You know you're just making up excuses-"

I slam the knives down after rinsing and without another word, I turn away.

"The hell, Hermione! Wait-!"

I sense him coming behind me so I immediately turn around and move away from his outstretched hand.

"Don't touch me!" I hiss taking a breath against the adrenaline spike in my heart. Ron stops his movement his face getting madder. I stop him before he could say anything.

"I'm not going out with you Ronald so leave it, alright?"

"Fine then! Just stay locked up like a bloody ghoul in the room for all I care!"

He turns and stomps off. Good.

Unlike what I told Ron, I don't go to read in Ginny's room. Instead, I go to his room. I haven't slept properly in so long. I just want to sleep.

Harry's side of the room is neat, the bed made with the corners all tucked like a mirror image of my own bed upstairs. It's the way Petunia drilled into us.

I lay down on his designated bed and immediately feel lighter as his smell engulfs me. I wrap myself in his sheets and bury my face in his pillow. I'm asleep in the next second.

I wake up pleasantly slowly, completely different from the panicked jolt or sweaty gasping like I normally do.

He's sitting so still that I don't immediately notice him but a jolt shoots through me immediately when I see him sitting there. I can't see his eyes because the moonlight is reflecting off of his glasses but I feel the intensity of his stare none-the-less. I sit up, the blankets sliding down my skin.

"I found you in here when it was time for lunch."

I glance out the window and not that its well past lunchtime now. Noise carries up the stairs and I can tell that the Weasley's are in the mist of having dinner.

"Why did you stay with me?"

"I didn't. I just came back up to wake you."

I sigh and lay myself back down onto the bed.

"You shouldn't have bothered. I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat, Hermione."

"No. I'm too tired. I haven't been able to sleep at all, you know." I pause and give him a long look, debating. "You can stay with me." I say, raising the quilt.

Tiredly, Harry leans his elbows against his knees and whips off his glasses to rub his eyes.

"How are you not tired of it yet? How have you not given up?"

I lower the sheet, climb off the bed, get on my knees before his legs.

"I love you." I say earnestly, grabbing his hand and kissing it slightly. "And I will always pick you first. There is no one that I want to be around more than you. It's as simple as that."

Harry wiggles his hand free from my hold to trace his fingers down my face. His face looks down at me with indescribable emotion as he holds my face.

I can see his eyes now. They're dark in this lighting and totally focused on me.

His thumb traces over my bottom lip with heady fixation. My heartbeat escalates with the rising anticipation in the air.

I capture his thumb into my mouth and give it a hard suck, watching him. Harry's breath escapes him and his mouth slackens as he waits for my next move.

I open my mouth so he can see my tongue swirl around his thumb. He's breathing so hard 's taking over the sounds from down below of the Weasley's chattering.

Wicked.

I want to do wicked things to him as the Weasley's unknowingly carry on downstairs. Right here, right now on Ron's bed.

My mind flashes with all the things I want to do to him as I take his thumb back into my mouth and slide it in and out, in and out.

Merlin all the filthy things I think.

Harry's breath escapes him in a whoosh totally engrossed in my ministrations.

His tongue snakes out to like his lips and he swallows hard. Yeah, he's feeling it.

"Mate! What's taking so long?"

Ron's voice drifts up to us sounding as if right outside the door.

Harry jerks away from me so quickly its as if he apparrated. His flushed face can't look at me as I try to meet his eyes.

I smile bitterly to myself and give up, backing away from him.

"Go on, Harry." Let him run away. It's okay now because my words were true. I will pick Harry first. I want him to be happy. I don't want him to know what this feels like, not getting picked first, not being your loved ones first choice. Harry keeps his back to me as he catches his breath and I hold my tongue as he collects himself.

"Will you come down with me? You need to eat and Mrs. Weasley made a lot for Christmas Eve."

I laugh without humor. Does he really think I can go down there now or that I'd care if that woman cooked a lot?

"No. I'm not going down." I say as I lean myself back against the side of Harry's bed. Harry waits for a pause as if struggling internally on whether to just drag me down there himself.

"Go."

"I'll bring you up a plate." Finally, he goes but he doesn't close the door.

"Took you long enough." Ginny's voice carries up to immediately irk me like no other. That teasing lit she uses to mask her suspicious intentions. Merlin, I hate her.

"Yeah." Harry says lamely.

"Where's Hermione?" Ron's question warrants an awkward silence. I wonder if the pause is from Harry trying to think of a response or if he's trying to reign in his annoyance at Ron for being concerned about me.

"She's not feeling well. I'm about to fix her a plate to bring up to her."

"I can do that for her, Harry." Ginny immediately offers make my teeth grind. "And Ron doesn't mind bringing it up to her since he's fancying hard on her."

"Piss off! You're such a bloody liar, Ginny!"

"Oh am I? Is that why you've been going on about her all day and staring at her all the time and-you alright there Harry?"

"Fine."

"Wait, Harry, Ron can take the plate to h-"

"No. I'll do it."

Harry's footsteps ascend the stairs and I wait still in the same spot for him to come. I can tell immediately that he's trying to keep his anger and jealousy in check as soon as I see him.

"What?" He spits out as he shuts the door. "You shouldn't be smiling."

I shrug, keeping my smile in place.

"You shouldn't be so obvious. You'll make your precious girlfriend unhappy." I say as I rise and take the plate from his hand to set on the nightstand.

"And you shouldn't be in here! This is Ron's room! It's-"

"What's bothering you more Harry?" I question as I draw near him, invading his space. "That someone will think it's weird that I want to sleep in my brother's bed? Or that Ron can come in here whenever he wants while I'm here and make a move?"

A knock sounds just as Harry is about to respond.

"Harry?" Mrs. Weasley calls, her voice inquisitive through the door. Harry immediately goes to open the door turning on the lights as he does.

"Mrs. Weasley." he says as he opens the door.

"Harry, dear, I told you to call me at least Molly if you can't-Oh! My, what are you doing on the floor Hermione? Are you alright? I've brought some potions with me that will make you feel better. We should get you back to Ginny's room. Harry, help me, would you dear?"

I'm thrown by the onslaught of Molly Weasley's concern. The next thing I know, I'm in my bed in Ginny's room swallowing down two disgusting potions with her non-stop prattling in my ears as she shoves the plate of food in my hands.

"Alright then, Hermione. Eat up."

My desperate eyes fall to Harry standing by the doorway watching and completely useless against the Molly whirlwind. I tear my eyes away and meet her expecting one.

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley." I say before awkwardly taking a bite of the food. It's good if a little bit too heavy with the sauce but I would hardly say that to her.

Mrs. Weasley beams and finally gets up from the chair she'd set in front of the bed when she was fussing over me.

"Good, I'm glad. Someone will be back to get the plate later so just eat up and then go to bed and you'll be right as rain for Christmas tomorrow morning. Come on Harry, let's go back downstairs and let your sister rest."

I stare off after them, a tight knot in my chest. Mrs. Weasley smiles kindly at me just before she's about to close the door.

"Eat Hermione. I'll see you bright and early Christmas morning."

 

 

 

 

I wake up with a jolt, hot lump already in my throat. I sit up trying to recall the reason for these lingering feelings of despair in my chest. The dream fades quickly but it leaves the yearning to be next to Harry.

 

I get out of bed and debate in my mind whether to just sneak into Ron's room to slip into Harry's bed. I sneak a glance over at Ginny who is deep into sleep. Just looking at her sleeping so peacefully makes me feel worse. I need out of this room, that's for certain.

I walk out, head down the stairs when it hits me that it is Christmas. My heart shatters further. I can't see Harry when I feel like this and burden him. I don't want to drag him down with me.

I switch course to the bathroom again feeling stifled. I open the bathroom door, strip myself of clothing and turn on the water. Without care to the temperature, I slip into the spray.

I close my eyes to this world and try to think of things to get rid of this feeling. I recall an interesting fact that I read in one of my textbooks about Transfiguration.

Maybe its because my eyes are closed so my senses are more alert that I feel as if there is someone else in the bathroom with me. I nonchalantly open my eyes to gaze out of the bathroom. Nothing.

I turn my head back and continue to wash, breathing in the steam, trying to relax, trying not to think.

The creak should have gone unnoticed if it wasn't for the stillness in the bathroom. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there.

I wait a moment, pretending to suspect nothing before I spring out of the tub, water sloshing all over the sides of the tub. Quickly I step out of the tub and move forward with my hand outstretched. There's not much room to go in the small bathroom. Almost instantly, I feel the silky fabric of the invisibility cloak on the tips of my fingers. I latch on, pulling off the cloak easily.

There, underneath, Ron stands in a shrinking pose.

"I-I-I" He sputters compulsively his face utterly panicked. "I-I'm sorry, I..."

The cloak slips through my fingers to fall delicately onto the floor. I watch the boy-ashamed, raunchy, impulsive- and I feel...nothing. It's almost like I'm out of my body.

When he sees nothing, no anger or disgust, his stuttering stops. Slowly, with tentative nervous eyes like a stray animal, he uncurls to his normal tall frame.

I have the power here.

The rush that I feel with this knowledge...

I breathe again, come back to myself.

I'm ensnared with the oddest desire to ruin this person before me. I want to make him feel so good so I can crush him, make him need me so much he can't think straight just to make him fall apart.

I want to turn him into me.

Keeping my eyes on him, never losing that connection, I grab the towel beside me and held it out to him.

He gulps hard before his hand reaches out to grab the towel.

"Dry me." I order.

His breath stutters but he takes a step closer to me. I hold out my wet arm to him and with two hands he runs the towel down my wet skin. His eyes keep flicking to mine, he breathes short uncontrollable pants.

His reaction makes me want to laugh a little.

With concentration, more than I've ever seen him use before, Ron wipes my body down. I feel nothing sexual in this action but I know it's not the same for him. He's not shy as he wipes down my breast, down my stomach to my quim, and around to my bum.

I don't show my surprise when he goes onto one knee and places my foot upon it so I don't lose my balance as he wipes down my legs.

When he's down, he looks up at me from on the floor and awaits my next command.

I love it.

With a dark smile, I gaze down at him and speak.

"Comb my hair."

My eyes flick to the only comb in this bathroom and without further queue, Ronald goes and snatches it, going behind me and gently moving my so its all down my back.

Gently, and with a tenacity I didn't know he could possess, he brushes my hair. It's very soothing since with it's wet it's not frizzing into a tangled heap.

I feel lulled as he wordlessly works. He uses his long fingers and the comb to run down my hair.

My eyes inadvertently drop, my senses all focused on one place. My head falls back, giving him better access. I let out a breathy sigh.

The comb clatters to the floor as Ronald's big hands fall on my shoulders. I snap back to and turn my head to peer at him over my shoulder with a sharp, cold gaze.

"I didn't tell you, you could touch me."

I step away as anger flashes through his face.

"But-"

"Do you want me to tell Harry?" The dangerous lit to my tone effects Ronald greatly, first with disbelief, then outrage. "What do you think he will say when he founds out that you snagged his cloak to sneak to spy on his sister bathing?"

"You let me stay! What do you think about what he'll say to that?"

"I think if I denied it he'll believe me."

I calmly grab another towel and wrap it around myself then gather the invisibility cloak into my arms.

"That's not what this is about though," I face him square on, ignoring his anger and petulance, "Just do as I say."

I slip through the door in just my towel. My eyes immediately gaze down the darkened hallway in the direction of Ronald's room where Harry is sleeping.

Gathering the cloak tighter into my arms, I turn away. I have a feeling I will need it.


	8. Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione takes.

Morning comes.

I wake a few hours later to the stillness of the house and the early morning rays peeking through the window. Ginny turns over in her bed.

I stare at her. Her face is quite pretty even in sleep. I creep out of my bed, lightly walking across the room to her. This is the girl that Harry has chosen. My fingers move without my telling them to, sweeping her beautiful red hair from her face.

She sleeps so soundly, uninterrupted, innocent. How envious I am of her. She has a dusting of freckles on her face that is strangely endearing. My fingers skim down her cheek to her lips without stirring.

These are the lips that have kissed Harry. I lean down closer to her face, close enough to kiss but stop just short of doing so. I want to see what he sees just before he closes his eyes to kiss her.

And then I do.

Lightly, I graze my lips upon hers and steal away all of Harry's kisses. I pull away, my eyes trailing down to the column of her long pale neck. My hands fall upon it, my fingers curling around. I long to tighten them, wake her with a gasping breath like I do every night.

For a long moment I stay poised like this as she sleeps on peacefully.

I get up slowly, back away. I need to get away from this room, this house, this family.

I walk out and quietly go down stairs. As I near closer to the bottom floor, I hear movement in the kitchen. Mrs. Weasley must be awake.

I steer clear of her, heading to the backdoor with feet as quiet as a mouse.

She sings softly as she prepares her meals, quietly working to ensure a delicious Christmas meal. It is such a motherly move that something tightens in my chest that propels me a little faster.

Once outside I'm blasted by a gust of harsh cold winds. The terrain is a blanket of white. No one in their right minds would want to come out here. I continue.

I head for the large shed in the backyard, wind howling in my ears and snow biting at my cheeks.

It takes me a moment to get the door open due to all the snow. I hurry inside once I do and huddle myself far away from the crack in the door. The tight space of the clutter-filled shed comforts me, strange as it is. Sitting down onto the dirty floor, I close my eyes and feel as if I can breathe. Out here it is not Christmas, there are no Weasley's; it's just a tight little space for me to breathe.

Sadness.

Hatred.

It would have been better to have lived through the Dursley's alone, to not have had his love at all.

I'm jolted as my peace is so unexpectedly interrupted as someone tries to open the shed door.

Harry? My mind automatically thinks, But it's still so early...

It's not Harry.

Ginny steps into the shed. To see her is so unexpected that I don't even get up, I just look at her shocked. Her eyes rove the surroundings until the land on me. As soon as they do, before I can even move, her wand is out and pointed at me.

"Pertrificus Totalus!"

My mind races as my body freezes. Ginny's eyes are hard and filled with dislike as she glares down at me...if looks could kill.

Ah, finally. She's dropping the act. It makes me want to laugh if I weren't petrified.

"Are you utterly mad? I know what you did to me this morning, I woke up the minute you touched me!" She storms her way toward me, eyes alight with rage. "What the bloody hell was that, eh? What the hell is the matter with you?"

Looks like I'm not the only one with questions.

"I'm going to tell Harry what you did! I'm going to tell him how utterly psycho you are! To kiss his girlfriend and then mime choking her...honestly, you're disgusting! I don't know how the two of you are related at all!"

I roll my eyes since they're the only things I can move. Ginny balks at me, her face turning a cherry red as sparks fly from her wand.

"How dare you roll your eyes at me! You think this is some sort of a joke? Are you having a laugh in that insane head of yours? I'm going to tell Harry, do you understand me? I'm going to tell him everything you did! But before I do..."

A truly loathing look crosses her face as she barks at me.

"I'm going to make love to Harry right here, in front of you."

My heart stops still, my eyes staring into hers as she gazes at me deadly serious. She gets even closer, so close the tips of her hair tickle my face.

"Harry is mine." she growls. "I'll make you see that today."

No. No. He won't do it. She'll try to seduce him but he won't do it. He can't.

Flicking her wand again with a muttered levitation spell, Ginny moves my body to a different spot unseen before roughly maneuvering my head so I'll be able to see the front of the shed.

With one last hard stare, Ginny exists. My heart pounds rapidly as I try to come up with a way to get out of this. I can't...I can't...It would ruin me to see them together. I can't allow it. I'd rather die. Rip my own eyes out.

But there's nothing. There's nothing to stop this from happening.

All too soon, I hear the struggle to get the shed open again. I stare with open panic as Ginny steps in again, her hand tightly holding Harry's as she drags him in behind her.

Oh God, please no. Please, please, no. Anything but this!

Briefly, Ginny's eyes land on mine with a stone cold hardness. She's not going to change her mind.

"Gin, it's freezing. I don't know why you wanted to come down here."

Swiftly turning onto her heal, Ginny faces Harry so her back is turned to me. Since she's nearly as tall as him, I can't see Harry's face.

"I wanted to give you your Christmas gift but it's not something I can give you in front of others."

Seduction is all in her voice. There's no questioning what she's implying.

Walk away Harry. Don't do it. Just tell her no and walk out.

Harry doesn't though. He doesn't do anything as Ginny takes a step back away from him to lift her shirt brazenly off of herself.

My heart shatters. I can literally feel it like a physical wound. I can't even close my eyes to escape. I can only stare as Ginny unclasps her bra, reaches out and touches him.

He's like a doll in her hands. She pushes him back against the wall adjacent to me so I can see them more clearly. He just stares down at her as she takes his hands to cup her breasts and then reaches out to kiss him.

Harry doesn't close his eyes as she kisses him. His skin doesn't flush nor does he look hazed over by lust. He looks almost lifeless compared to Ginny's obvious fire.

But he doesn't remove his hands and he doesn't refuse her kisses.

Ginny gets more fevered as they kiss, her hands reaching out to straight undoing his pajama shirt.

Harry breaks the kiss, his hands reaching out to still Ginny.

Hope blossoms in my chest. He's not going to do it. I don't think I've ever felt more relieved. Ginny, looks up at him, already on the way to mortification.

"Gin, I don't-"

In a surprising move, Ginny drops to her knees before him, her eyes determined.

"Don't speak Harry." she says as she pulls down both his pajamas and underwear.

"Whoa," he says at her quick movement as she reaches out to grasp his flaccid cock with one hand.

"This is my gift to you, don't ruin it." Licking her lips she goes down on him, giving his shaft a quick lick as she pumps him.

I scream in my head. I scream and scream and scream, staring at Harry hard so he can feel my gaze burning into him so he would put an end to this but it doesn't stop.

Harry's hands clench at his sides as his face scrunches up in a very pained expression as she works his cock to hardness. He doesn't touch her as his eyes finally close tightly. Something about him is like a trapped little boy hiding under the covers. His reaction is so far from what one should get when getting head from his girlfriend.

But he doesn't stop her.

Ginny stands when his cock gets semi-erect, still giving him a hand job as she gets closer to him so their chests are touching. Pressing another kiss to his lips, her hand starts to slow down before stopping altogether.

Harry opens his eyes just before Ginny reaches up to take off his glasses. Carefully placing them beside them, Ginny resumes stripping herself of clothing leaving herself naked before him. Her build is athletic, her breasts probably the same size as my own. She doesn't fidget in shame before Harry like most girls would, instead she reaches out to finish de-clothing Harry too.

There is a hot, painful, lump in my throat. My eyes burn.

Please let this end soon. It has to end soon.

Ginny takes Harry's hands again, switching them around. Quickly leaning down to grab Harry's shirt, she places it against a sort of workbench before perching herself on top of it.

Harry braces his arm on either side of her as she wraps her long legs around him. Snaking her hand between them, Ginny grabs hold of his cock and positions it slowly at her entrance before raising her hips to slide herself down.

Her gasp is like torture to me. It's the gasp of her being filled with his cock, joining together in the most intimate way that a man and a woman can. Her hands come down to grasp his buttocks, moving him faster in and out.

Ginny starts to moan as the slapping sounds of their skin get harder and faster. The bench makes a banging sound with their movements too. Bambambam against the shed wall.

Go somewhere else. Don't listen. Don't see. Don't think.

Ginny wraps her arms tightly around Harry's shoulders as her moans get more desperate.

"Ah, yeah, that it's Harry!" she cries squeezing even closer to him so there's no space between them.

Harry freezes for second before both his hands come up to pull Ginny's off of him, his hands curling around her wrists to pin them down to her sides. He stares at her for a second with a blankness that I don't understand before he shuts his eyes and starts moving again, keeping a distance between their bodies. Ginny's head falls back against the wall as Harry hovers over her.

It ends quickly after that as Ginny cries out hoarsely.

Harry pulls out immediately after  before he does something odd as Ginny stays unaware in post climatic bliss. He grabs tightly the base of his cock and then pulls his balls down with an agonized face.

I realize it's to stop him from cumming.

It's over.

Ginny opens her eyes just as Harry let's go panting. Smiling, she tenderly reaches out to trail her fingers down his chest.

"You came outside, right Harry?"

"Yeah, 'course." he says with no hesitation as he steps back away and reaches down to gather their clothes. Ginny sits up, flicking her hair back as she watches him.

"Happy Christmas Harry." the coy lit to her voice sickens me. Harry just smiles as he hands her back her things.

"Yeah, Happy Christmas." he puts on his clothes as Ginny slides down and starts doing the same. Her eyes flick over to me coolly.

"There's something I have to tell you as well Harry."

"Well, it'll have to wait."

Ginny's eyebrows pull down as she rounds on him.

"Why?"

"Because I have to check on Hermione-"

"Hermione is fine. Why are you always-"Ginny stops, snapping her mouth shut as she restrains herself.

"It's just that she was sick yesterday and I want to make sure she's okay. Anyway, we can talk later."

"But it's important-"

"So we'll talk about it right after I check on her." Planting a kiss to her head, Harry opens the door, letting a blast of freezing cold air in.

"Harry!" Ginny screams after him. Scrambling to put the rest of her clothes on, Ginny doesn't pause as she shoots out the shed, leaving the door wide open.

The cold blows in uninterrupted as I stay still like a doll. I'm numb. Gone.

My breath escapes in a visible puff, reminding me that I am still alive. This is going to hurt.

Just turn me into ice.

Unfortunately, that's when the spell decides to end and I'm thrust back into my body.

I flop down to the floor, my body melting with the relaxed muscles. I tremble in the cold as the numbness fades and I feel again. I need to get out of here. Really leave.

I stand on shaky legs. The trek from here back to the house looks long and dismal. I go.

When I enter the house this time it's bustling but not in the merriment of Christmas. I don't get noticed right away and I think that I can make it to the stairs without getting noticed at all.

"Hermione!" Arthur, unfortunately, spots me, immediately catching Molly's attention.

"Hermione, where have you been? We've been looking all over for you!" Her shrieking voice only heightens my inherent need to leave. I don't pause.

"I need to go." I state, climbing up the stairs. I hear them start to follow and quicken my steps.

"Go where, dear? Wait!"

"I have to go!"

"Reckon it's the loo, then." I hear Arthur say as I practically run up the steps. I hear people moving all around but I meet with no one as I quickly enter Ginny's room.

I beeline for my wand and then my suitcase. Deftly, I spell all my things into my trunk and am ready in no time at all.

Heavy footsteps barreling down the stairs is my only warning to someone approaching. I quickly tuck my packed suitcase in a temporary hiding place in a nook between the closet and the door.

"Hermione!" Harry yells just as he burst open the door. I turn to him as he crosses to me, his hands come to wrap around my upper arms. "Where the bloody hell have you been? I've looked everywhere for you."

With speed like a seeker, I flick my wand at the door, slamming it shut before brandishing a muffilato spell around the room.

"Wha-"

I turn my wand onto him, watching as his eyes go wide.

"Stupefy!"

The wind howls outside like a wild beast.

I stare closely at Harry's face, eyes closed, breathing softly. My hand reaches up to brush some hair out of his eyes.

That is the moment Harry's eyes shoot open, flinching back at my unexpected close proximity and banging his head against the headboard.

"Oh, that was quick." I say as I pull back. Confusion dominates Harry's face as he blinks sluggishly up at me.

"What-" He cuts off as tries to move and finds he can't. His eyes travel up to the ropes tying his hands up against the headboard.

"I tied you up, Harry." I answer his unspoken question. An uneasy look crosses Harry's face as his eyes turn back to me.

"Why would you do that Hermione. Take them off-"

"No!" I say it with such strength it stops Harry. I turn away from him biting my lip as I sit more fully on his lap. "I don't want you to try to stop me."

"Hermione, what's going on? Ginny told me what you did this morning. I'm really worried-"

"Shut up!" I shut, my hands slamming down on his chest. "Don't say her name! Why are you always saying her name?" Why does he always have to be thinking about her? Concerned for her? Picking her over me?

It's always about her!

"What is your problem? You have got to stop this Hermione."

You want to be with her, you're happier with her, you love her more...?

"No, enough!"

Pained, I lean over him, my lips capturing his as I take off his glasses.

"Mhm!"

I snake my tongue out to touch his lips, using my fingers to pry open his mouth. I pull back slightly to looking into his eyes as my tongue forces its way to his.

Harry's cheeks a flushed as he makes all sorts of noises, his eyes reluctant but not entirely deterred by my advances. He shuts them so I can't see, so I press more, sucking his tongue to feel him squirm then touching the roof of his mouth. He feels it.

"Nnn!"

I bite his lip before sucking on that too.

"Look at you." I say as Harry pants, leaning down to speak directly in his ear. "Such a perverted face." I take his ear lip gently between my teeth causing Harry to shiver.

I peer back to look at him, an overwhelming feeling erupting on my face. Harry looks up at me through his fringe, his eyes lustful but defiant all at once.

"No, I just can't stand it."

My hands go to his shirt opening it to access his neck.

Roughly, I sink my teeth down, making Harry hiss painfully. There's a desperate feeling in me that makes me feel wild. Harry is mine...Harry is mine... No matter what, Harry is mine...

"Ginny has no right to see this face."

I soothe the wound with my tongue before sucking on his neck.

"I love you more than her by far, so let me have you too. It's not right, it's not fair if only she gets to."

I trail my lips down his stomach, the muscles spasming the lower I get.

Harry stop's breathing for a second, his face shocked and reminiscent of a sad little puppy.

"Don't-" he starts as I unbuckle his pants. I raise my eyes to his with a hard glint.

"No." I pull the zipper down over the obvious bulged in his pants. My breathing stills at his eager reaction to me despite all his protests. There's a dark spot in his underwear from his precum.

I can't help myself, I'm ruled by deviance. I lick that spot causing a hiss to sound above me. I'm lost in this wave of heat. I suck in the tip of him through the cloth, the anticipation building low in my stomach. Harry's stomach muscles keep moving, his hips unconsciously rising toward me. I want to give him more.

I want to feel him, want to see him naked, horny for me...because of me.

I pull his underwear down freeing Harry's cock. It springs up, which surprises me. I gaze at it before hesitantly reaching out a hand to touch the tip where his cum is leaking out from. I can feel the heat of Harry's eyes on me, making my heart beat wildly. The sound seems to consume the room, along with our pants, and his reluctant groans.

He can't take anymore teasing, I can tell. I take him fully into my hands to feel his cock get even bigger.  

He's so hard, the tip of him leaking so much. I want to taste him. I peek up at him as I take him into my mouth but his eyes are closed, his face flushed, deliciously ashamed.

"S-stop. Ah!" It's clear that his body doesn't want me to stop though, his hips rising to help slide in and out of my mouth. "Uh! H-hermione!"

Oh God, I've never been so turned on in my life yet there's a misery so profound. I want to hear more of his moans. I want to see more of his lust. My core throbs for him. I'm wet and I wish I could release his hands so he could touch me too.

But I can't he'd run away and I want to make him feel good.

I take him into my hands as my mouth lowers to his balls sack. I suck on one and then the other making Harry's body arch as he gasps, head hitting the board again.

"Nnno!" he cries as I lick the tip of his cock and slide my hand up and down his shaft in a circular motion. His cock is pulsating in my hands with his need to come.

I take him fully in my mouth again as I cup his balls.

And just like that, he cums. It shoots heavily into my mouth and I choke around his dick, swallowing reflexively; I pull away gasping, feeling flushed and heady as some more cum shoots out.

"Hermione!" he shouts, his knuckles white around the binds he's clenching, his face. God his face. Yes. It's exactly what I wanted, drunk with desire.

I swallow what didn't spill from my mouth as Harry struggles to recapture his breath. Fast. Didn't expect that. And so much.

"Why?"

I look up at him to find him staring at me, face flushed and eyes so torn as if about to cry. "I'm the one who wants to cry so why do you have tears down your face?" He asks me. I bite my lip to prevent a sob from escaping as more tears slide down my face.

"Because I love you!"

And then I let it go, a horrible wounded sound escaping my mouth as I lift my face toward the ceiling.

"And I just want you to love me back!"

An agonized look crosses Harry's face as I cry.

It's done now.

"Nonononono!" My hands grip my chest, wanting to scream, wanting it all to go away. "It's horrible! This feels absolutely terrible!"

"Hermione, please! Whatever you're thinking, don't. Just calm down. I do love you-"

I lose all strength, my head falling to rest on his chest. It would be nice to stay here. My tears fall onto his chest and run down the plains of his stomach.

I take a gasping breath, try to reign it all back in. Control yourself! You have to control yourself!

"Love you Hermione so much. Adore you. Need you!"

I sit back up slowly, unable to look at him as I climb off him.

"Hermione?" I've never heard Harry's voice sound so scared.

I walk to my suitcase and pull it to me.

I don't look at him.

I never get to see the devastated anguished expression on Harry's face. I hear him struggle to get out of the binds but know he can't possibly since its a magical bind.

"What is that for Hermione? Are you going to leave me?" He thrashes wildly against the binds, his voice panicked, crazed, utterly frantic.

"I love you Harry." I shut my eyes tight, clench my hair into my fist. I feel so ashamed. What is wrong with me? How did I drive us to this point? Why couldn't I have just stopped?

"No you don't! Or you wouldn't be trying to leave me! How could you even possibly think of doing this to me!"

I walk to the door confident that my confundous charm will prevent any unwelcome faces from waiting for me.

"Hermione! Hermione I'm begging you not to do this. Don't go! I'll leave Ginny! I won't ever speak to Ron again so don't go! You're the only one I have to have in my life!"

God, he sounds almost as heartbroken as me. But that's not possible because he doesn't love me like I love him he's just saying this but he doesn't really mean it.

I open the door and quickly exit, shutting off Harry's howls.

And finally, finally, I leave.


	9. Whatever You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco offers her whatever she wants.

Didn't like this chapter so I remade it. It starts out the same but is completely different.   
Be prepared.


	10. Deal

I know where to go.

The Knightbus comes as expected and I go in, telling Stan to take me to the Leaky Cauldron, ignoring his chime of "Happy Christmas".

I know that Harry will look for me here but it the quickest place to go to send and wait for an owl and I don't plan on staying long.

I keep my cloak hood low so the eyes staring at me can't make out my face and whisper about what one of the Potter twins is doing all alone during Christmas. The Knight bus takes me directly to the Leaky Cauldron from the muggle side. It's unsurprisingly dead in the place except for a few shifty characters scattered around. I head to Tom keeping my head low.

"Hello, I need to borrow an owl."

"Ten sickles." Tom says gruffly, unpleasant as always. It's overpriced but I pay him anyway, following after him as he unlocks to small owlery three stories up.

"Choose anyone yer want. But that one-" he says pointing to a handsome silver and black owl "-is a biter. Don't say I didn't warn yer."

"Alright, thanks." I say as I take the owl treats to lure one over.

I whistle crisply, holding out my arm with the treat. Surprisingly, it's the black and silver owl that I was warned against that comes down to me, roughly snatching the treat from my hand.

I climb down the stairs with the owl as Tom tsk's behind me. Ignoring him, I sit down at a table away from sight and begin to write. It takes me two tries to get it right.

I send the letter off with a twinge of nervousness. If he doesn't answer things will be harder for me.

However, it turns out I have nothing to fear when-much quicker than I anticipated- a response comes by means of a different owl than I had sent. Hastily, I take the letter, feeding the new owl a treat before tearing into the letter.

Potter,

That owl was abysmal, I sent it away. Use Trigon to communicate with me from now on. I glance at Trigon, finding the name to be suitable for the magnificent jet black owl.

On the other matter, it's about time you left and it is good that you came to me. I will help you get away. My father owns a tavern in Knockturn alley that is very exclusive called Pure Lux. I've sent ahead a letter to set you up there. Follow Trigon, he will show you the way. Give the name Magda. You won't need any money and its futile to try to pay since it costs 25,000 galleons a night.

I blanch at this, my mind blanking out. What in the world could be in that hotel that would make it be worth spending that much a night? I have half a mind to write him back and tell him to forget it. I wanted help but to be so indebted to him...

However, I won't, no matter how much it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Harry will find me anywhere else.

Gripping the letter with distaste, I continue.

I suggest you try to amp up your appearance. Tame that thing on top of your head and wear something that I wouldn't put on a house elf. I mean it Potter. I'll be there tomorrow.

Malfoy

I scowl, feeling very perturbed that Malfoy thinks he can just come tomorrow even though I didn't ask for him to come nor do I want to see him. I don't have any fight in me though so I'll allow it. I turn my head to Trigon.

"Okay, Trigon. Take me to this spectacular lodge." I say as I stand, pulling my hood further on my head. Trigon watches me with glorious amber eyes, his truly striking wings elegantly unfolding. He is effortless in flight.

A flash of jet black hair getting tousled from the wind, flashes through my mind.

Harry.

I bite my lip, seeing him so clearly in my mind. His lazy smile as he soars in the brilliant blue sky, face up towards the sun, at ease and arresting. It twists my heart to think of it.

Stop. Stop. Stop it! But it doesn't stop and the feeling in my heart just keeps welling up painfully.

I follow Trigon to the dodgy part of town. I get a nervous thrill through me as we turn into Knockturn Alley. It's much darker over here, colder. We pass Flevermois and Ganner Bats and Skins and my skin literally crawls when I see the spiders running wild in a shop across from it. We walk further, passing newspaper clippings and all sorts of degenerate people when finally Trigon stops, perching himself on a small gate between two shops.

I walk up to it finding only a darkened stairway quite unexpectedly. It's hard to tell what is up there. I put my hand on the iron peg, leaning in to peer closer.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I jump nearly out of my skin when a ghost seemingly materializes in front of me.

"Name?" The ghost was tall when alive, standing at least six foot two in front of me and quite handsome with swept-back hair and a strong angular face.

"Er, I'm looking for the Pure Lux Tavern." Ghost man smiles, showing off perfectly straight teeth.

"Your name, Miss." Confused, I feel very unsure of myself as I stutter out an answer.

"Magda." It sounds like a question, embarrassingly enough. Ghost man stays with his polite smile, though, there is definite amusement in his eyes.

"This way, miss."

The gate swings open before me and I follow the ghost up the stairs. Thankfully he doesn't make small talk with me but just quietly floats in front of me.

I miss the grandeur of the place in my numbness. It's lost to me. I just follow the ghost, stepping this way and that way with an absence of presence.

"Here is your suite, my lady." The ghost announces, opening the two white doors dramatically.

"Thank you." I step inside the room. Its a very sophisticated style and the only place I've seen in the Wizarding World that is modern. Perhaps that's why it costs so much because it is so chic and definitely high-class mugglish.

The door shuts behind me as I go further into the room. Somehow, without my realizing, my bags have already been set up, clothes placed in the grand wardrobe. I cross over the room to the bed and sit down. It's the softest bed I've ever felt and unconsciously my hand starts rubbing over the soft comforter.

I'm at a loss of what to do. There is such a horrible ache in my chest, I feel like I can throw up. Alone, finally away from him, images of him and Ginny together plague my mind. Her gasp when he entered her. The slapping sound of skin as he fucked her.

I've thought about them together so many times in the past but to actually have seen it...

I need some air. I feel like I'm suffocating with these thoughts. Luckily, there is a balcony in this 25,000 galleon per night hotel. I beeline for it, thrusting open the doors and grasping the railing as I breathe in the cold air.

The sound of giggling had my head turning to the right. I scowl reflexively at the sight that meets my eyes.

Sitting there, oblivious to my presence, sat a man a dashingly handsome man with a topless brunette in his lap. He held a cigarette loosely in his fingers of his right hand, the other was stroking up and down the girls long legs as he nuzzled the side of her neck.

Their intimate interaction made me want to throw up. I look away, disgusted, and head for the door.

"Oh James!"

The woman's breathy moan gives me pause. I can't help but look over, like a fly drawn to the flame.

The man's hand has taken a dive between the womans legs. My heart spikes, I suck in a sharp breath of air.

His fingers are thrusting into her hard and fast, causing these deviant wet sounds that even I could hear.

"James! Don't stop!" The woman seems as if she's about to go crazy. Her legs shaking, her body writhing as her hands sought purchase.

"So wet." His voice is deep, sexy. He's utterly cool as he brings this woman such intense pleasure, his face fixed in a shit-eating grin. "You're gonna cum for me just like this...by my fingers."

I'm entranced at the sight of his fingers pumping in and out of her, at the utter ecstasy on her face.

My own needs rise. I want to touch myself. I remember how glorious it had felt when Harry's fingers had been doing the same thing to me.

The woman's head falls back, moaning loudly as the muscles in her stomach spasm.

"That's it. Tighten around my fingers." His fast and hard assault did not stop even as the girl climaxed. The wet slapping sounds as he thrust his fingers in and out of her reached my ears even from where I stood.

I turn away with a gasp, feeling needy, disgusted, tormented.

I walk away, on trembling legs, wanting to stay and watch, hating this need coming from the apex of my thighs.

"Happy Christmas, little one."

I gasp and spin around with utter mortification. The devastatingly handsome man smirks at me knowingly as he sucks on his fingers. The woman on his lap shrieks in surprise as my face heats up impossibly and I run back into my room. I can hear the loud barking laugh as I go. I slam the door shut and lean on it, heart pounding for a totally different reason now.

How utterly awful! I can't believe he knew I was there and still continued! I can't believe I stayed watching that long! I hit myself in the head as I continue to berate myself.

"What the bloody hell is the matter with you?"

I jump like a skittish animal, raising my eyes to Malfoy's as he steps away from the grandiose fireplace.

"Malfoy!" My voice is breathy as if I'd just ran a mile. He eyes me distastefully which does not help my growing ire.

"I thought I told you not to come looking ghastly." He responds, flicking his fingers at my clothes as he seats himself onto a luxurious love seat. "Is your sense of style so warped you don't know how not to look like a hag?"

"I don't care what you or anyone else thinks about my looks, Malfoy. What are you doing here? You said you weren't coming till tomorrow." I can't help the suspicion in my voice. I hate unexpected things.

"I was able to get away, simple as that. I honestly thought you'd be bawling your eyes out and hoped to snap a photo."

I frown at him, not taking any humor in the teasing lit to his voice. My need still hasn't died and I'm desperate, tired and just needing to masturbate, to relieve some stress, to forget.

Which requires Malfoy to leave. Now.

"Well, you shouldn't have come. Not today or tomorrow or the next day or the next. I don't want to be bosom buddies and I certainly don't need a shoulder to cry on."

"Ah, yes, of course, all you want is your Harry, isn't that right?" His spiteful face nor the bitter edge to his tone of voice aren't as surprising as they should be. What is surprising is the smile that he turns on me, eyes bright with malicious glee. "But Harry obviously doesn't want you. He's not like what you thought of him, is he now? Prefers to be normal- imagine that!"

"It doesn't matter to me if you think I'm sick-" I start only to stop when Malfoy suddenly springs up from his reclined position to stride over to me.

"That's the thing, Potter!" he says excitedly as I try to get away from him, alarmed at what I perceive to be madness on his face. He grabs my upper arms and I tremble as I whisper his name, hoping I didn't make a horrible mistake asking him for help. "I don't care if you're mad! It's Potter who did everything wrong. He's not what you thought him to be so you don't need him anymore. Your bond wasn't as fault proof as you thought. I wouldn't have done that. I would have accepted you even if you were my sister, my mother, my aunt, anyone!"

I shake as he speaks, covering my ears like a child until I can't take it anymore.

"Stop! Stop!" I shriek, just wanting the noise to stop, wanting him to go away. "Have you gone mad? Where is all of this coming from? I don't believe you Malfoy! I want you to leave!"

His smell overwhelms me, sickens me.

Is this what I want? This sort of maddening obsession? This sort of suffocating devotion?

Is this what Harry felt with me? It's scary.

"Hermione." Malfoy said simply. I raise my eyes to his feeling things I've never felt before. Pity. Regret.

"Malfoy, I've made a mistake." My voice is dull. I feel tired all the sudden. Numb. I realize that somethings not right with me, feeling all these things in such quick succession... "This isn't what I want."

He looks at me, listening but not really hearing.

"I don't care Potter. If this isn't what you want then too bad." I looked at him saw that same absence of light in his eyes that mirrored my own. Harry's eyes aren't like ours; even when he seems withdrawn there is always a light in his eyes that belies the fighting spirit in him. He will always fight to change his circumstance, always hopeful.

"Because I know its a lie." He continued.

"You're not understanding, Malfoy," I'm so conscious of my lips with him so close. "It's not right to try to validate your existence by someone else. That's not love."

"Ah," he says taking a step back and looking at me with a humorless smile. "Now that rings true. But everyone-everyone- wants someone of their own."

"It's dif-"

"It's not different, Potter, and you're not wrong to want it. You don't have to suffer, you can have it with me. Harry doesn't understand-"

"Don't talk about Harry as if you know him! You know nothing about us! Nothing about me!" Malfoy smiles at my outburst. It's a knowing superior smile that I've seen him wear many times in the past that has never ceased to frustrate me.

"But I do know you." He whispers quietly into my ear. His breath makes the hair around my face tickle and every nerve ending on edge.

"What are you talking about Malfoy?"

"I know about your life outside of here. I know all about Dursley's and I know what you've been keeping secret from your precious brother."

My heart stills. My body stills. Shutting down, giving up. I sink down, his hand sliding down my wrists hold them up keeping me prisoner as he continues to speak.

"I was there the first time, Potter."

I turn my hollow eyes up at him as he smiles down at me without humor, with a hard almost savage glint. Strangely, he looks like he's about to cry.

"My father... him and his death eater buddies did it that first time. They found out where you guys lived when you showed up on the roster to go to Hogwarts. They were going to torture you guys themselves. They wanted to get revenge. They thought it would be fun. They did it all the time back then. My father made me come. He liked bringing me to watch them when they did those things. And I saw you guys."

He kneels down, dragging me in on this horror story, those grey eyes of his tortured and haunted.

"They expected that the so-called "saviors of the wizarding world" would be living it up. They thought you guys would be happy but we saw the truth. We say you guys doing chores and heard that fat man screaming at you guys when you didn't do something right. You were like little slaves. It made them laugh. They loved it."

Malfoy's eyes looked wild as if he was right there again, as if he could hear them laughing.

"My father used imperio so many times so he'd hit you guys but you guys were so used to it you guys would barely cry. It wasn't enough for them. It was after Harry had been locked under the stairs when finally you went to sleep that one of the death eaters suggested it. It was my father's imperio that sent that thing into your room that night. He made me watch as you screamed, as you were violated, as you tried to fight and only to get beaten even more. I saw him rape you. It was Dolohov who stopped your magic every time it would act up."

"S-st-"

"I threw up and my father cruio'd me and made me come back when they did it again and again. They really loved it. Their favorite part was when they'd imperio that thing to rape you. They argued whether to just rape you themselves. My father thought it would be disgusting to actually sully themselves with you but that day when he was arrested they were going to go back and Dolohov, Rockwood and Travers were going to do it. They were supposed to rape you that night."

My stomach churns, cold sweat sliding over my skin. I think I might throw up all over Malfoy. His wrists are the only thing anchoring me.

"I was so relieved when my father was arrested. I thought it would be over. I'd never have to watch someone being tortured or killed ever again. But I remembered you every day. I saw you every time my eyes would close. I'm the only one who knows, Hermione. I was there with you."

"Could Harry say that?" He whispers, pulling me like a doll over to him onto his lap. I stare out unseeing and lost.

"I went back to watch you." His fingers whisper through my hair. A loving gesture. I shiver.

"It was months later, of course. I was going to talk to you. I was going to confess everything and beg for forgiveness and promise to keep you safe. I think I loved you. I saw you and Harry though and you were laughing with him while you guys did chores outside. You were filthy and you had a bruise on your cheek but you looked happy. It was so strange I couldn't do anything but stay there and watch. I watched you guys all day."

"When I saw you and Harry for the first time at Hogwarts I wanted to talk to you again. I was going to but I hated how you never let go of his hand. I hated how you'd look at him. I started hating you. I still do. I hate everything you do because it's all been for him. All you've ever done was take care of him."

I can hear it now. The longing. I breathe in his scent and still hate it but my hand comes up to clutch his shirt.

Is this real?

I don't like any of this one bit.

"Y-you-" I clear my throat, struggle with the void and breath breath breath his hateful scent. When I finally have it together I try again. "You don't love me, Malfoy."

"I don't know what love means. It's for fairy tales."

"No, I know what it means. I love Harry."

I push away from him. My cheeks feel wet. I wipe them not realizing that I had been crying at all.

My eyes snap to him when both of his hands come up to capture my face. He leans down and my heart stops and I still as he gets closer and closer thinking he's going to kiss me. Instead, his tongue snakes out and licks a tear.

I push him away with all my might, frightened. My heart beats a mile a minute in a flight or fight response.

He smirks at me.

"You look like a scared little lamb in the face of the big bad werewolf. I'm not going to force you, Hermione."

His words don't make me relax. I glare up at him body shaking.

"Why didn't you tell anyone, Malfoy?" I spit. My heart kicks up as I return to a familiar feeling. Anger.

"You could have helped me. You should have told-"

Malfoy's face turns bitter, his smirk sliding right off to something harsher.

"I told my mother." He looks away. His hands clench to fist. "No one else would pay mind to a death eater's son after the truth came out about my father but I thought my mother would do something."

I stop breathing.

"I thought you said you were the only one who knew my secret?"

His eyes slide to me.

"I didn't tell her about the rape but I told her everything else. I told her how you were living and how father imperio'd that thing to hit you guys. I was going to tell her about you but she slapped me. It was the first time she ever raised a hand to me. She told me to never mention it ever again. She thought that if they found out anything more about what my father had done they would take away everything. They had already taken most of the funds and the Manor."

I turn my eyes away, unable to look at him. I'm sickened by everything.

"I hate your family." I whisper, my hands curled into fists. It feels like such an understatement. There's something hot and ugly pooling in my heart. A flash of Malfoy's face beaten and bloodied comes back to mind and that bitter taste in mouth deepens. I shouldn't have healed his wounds.

It would have been so easy for that woman to end it. All she had to do was tell someone and Harry and I wouldn't have had to suffer. Someone could have come and fixed all our wounds with a flick of the wrist just like I did to Malfoy that day. It would have been so easy if she had just said something! But just to protect herself, just so that she could continue to have money and live a nice house she didn't try to help us and she kept her son from saying anything to.

And Malfoy. He could have told someone anyway! He should have tried harder! He shouldn't have been such a coward!

Bitter, angry feelings course through me.

I hate him. I hate him whole bloodline! I want them to all suffer.

I turn my hate-filled eyes onto him.

He sees the look on my face and smirks again but it's laced with bitterness and loathing. He reaches his hand out to touch my cheek again. I let him.

"What an expression. Now just who is the lamb?"

I want to hurt him.

"Your father said he was against raping me because it would be too disgusting, right?" Malfoy's eyes hone in on my lips intensely, his thumb running along my bottom lip.

"Yes." he sticks his thumb into my mouth fixedly. I swirl my tongue around it, hear his breathing getting heavier and heavier. I suck on it then bit down hard until I taste blood enjoying the pained hiss that escapes his lips.

"I can't fuck you, Malfoy. It sickens me." I say, slapping his hand away harshly. Again that bitter smirk.

"I know."

"I hate you." I mean it as I glare at him. "You and your whole family sicken me."

"I know."

I reach out and grab his wrist, nails digging into his skin.

"I don't care if you know my secret. We don't share anything just because you saw, do you understand? I don't care if you pine after me your whole life. I. will. never. love. you."

"I know."

"Get out." I throw his arm away. Malfoy gazes at me. "GET OUT!"

He moves. I stare hatefully at his back as he heads to the fireplace.

I'm pulled too thin. I let my hate consume me. I throw the nearest object at his back but it misses by a long shot and smashes against the wall. Malfoy looks over his shoulder at me as I grab something else to throw. Hastily he grabs floo powder and throws it into the flame. I don't hear the address he says over my enraged howl. I stand breathing heavily in the wake of his departure.

My mind races with everything he's told me. I don't make it to a bathroom as I heave but there's nothing in me to throw up so it's just painful.

I can't stand it.

I try not to wish for Harry.

Malfoy said many truths, that cannot be denied. It is true that the bond I thought Harry and I had wasn't strong at all. Maybe it wasn't even real? Maybe I was the only one that felt it?

I don't want to stay here. I don't want to be me anymore.

Malfoy knows. Malfoy saw.

I can't think about it but then it's all I can think about. What was it like for him? What did he feel when he watch Vernon hit my face and push me down onto the floor? What did he look like when he saw that man violate me? Did he see the blood on his fingers that he shoved in my mouth? Did my screams echo in his ears?

I said that it didn't mean anything that he was there but I was lying.

It definitely means something.

I can use Malfoy. He's given me power over him. It was written all over his face as he looked at me. He wants me to use him. He just wants me.

He'd be a perfect tool for revenge too. I could take photos of Malfoy and myself fucking and send them to his father. That would surely mess with the damned man. Unless Azkaban ruined his mind so much that he might enjoy it. Maybe I should visit personally and say I'm marrying Malfoy. He would surely hate if the bloodline was tarnished. His mother would too.

Harry would too.

The idea just keeps sounding better and better.

They all deserve it and then some. It would torture Malfoy too because I would never let him touch me. I would never give him any love.

Maybe it wouldn't bother Harry too much, though. If I send pictures of us shagging to him that would definitely. Or maybe Weasley would be better for that? What would be worst, Shagging the "enemy" or shagging the best friend?

I just want to hurt him. A crazy feeling since I've only ever wanted Harry to be happy.

It took a lot for me to get here. To contemplate actually having sex with men just to hurt him. It would physically repulse me but I'd push that aside just so he could understand what he has done to me.

Trying to protect me? That's the excuse? That's the reason?

Well, I've never asked for that.

I just asked for us to be together.

And he betrayed me so he deserves some punishment.

I decide right then and there to shag the best friend and the enemy.

 

 

I don't sleep. I just sit there and wait, mentally prepare. I want to leave, could leave at any time and yet I feel shackled here. A willing prisoner to Malfoy. Ugh. I truly hate it.

Despite my hatred and anger, I know he'll waste no time coming back here. He wouldn't be able to resist the temptation. I'm just so accessible to him.

I go out onto the balcony as I wait. I let winter chill my bones and numb my mind. I can't think too much about what I've decided to do.

My eyes trail sneakily over to the balcony beside mine. I'm surprised when I see nothing and realize that the privacy wards must be up. That man must have taken them down yesterday on purpose. He probably liked the risk of getting caught. Maybe he's the voyeur type.

There's food on the table when I go back inside and everything I smashed is fixed, the bed made. No doubt the work of house elves. My stomach churns at the thought of eating but force it down anyway. There's no way I'd let anything a house elf made go to waste.

My anxiousness and nervousness disappear as more time goes by until I get impatient. I'm bored holed up in this room, yet every time I reach for a book to read I put it back because I know I wouldn't be able to concentrate.

By dinner time I'm no longer impatient just angry. I worked myself up for no reason.

And then he just shows up, stepping out of the fireplace with a guarded look on his face.

I glare at him and stand from my position on the couch. I grab the nearest thing (a paperweight) and throw it at him. He dodges it (Harry would have caught it) and lets it smash on the wall behind him.

"I have been waiting for you all day!" I bellow as Malfoy straightens up and eyes me.

"What are you talking about? I thought you didn't want me to come!"

"I didn't and so? When have you ever listened to anything I've told you?" He looks at me weirdly as he comes farther into the room.

He gets less cautious when I make no moves to throw anything else at him and sits down on the couch I stand beside.

"So you wanted me to come?" There's a hint of a smirk on his face.

"I expected you to come but a long time ago. Now I want you to leave." He rolls his eyes at me and settles further into the couch. I grit my teeth.

"Look Malfoy, I'm not saying this to be nice. We're not friends. I expected you to come earlier and I wanted to use you but now that's moments passed and I want you to go."

"What did you want to use me for?"

I turn away and shut my mouth with a snap. There's no way I will tell him. I go for a different excuse.

"Your father needs to pay for what he did to me specifically and so does your precious mother for not helping. I want to open a case against them and I want you to testify...and I don't care what you ask of me in return."

"I won't testify against my mother, Potter." His voice is stern. I turn a hot glare to him.

"What she did was wrong!"

"So then open a case against me. I saw it, I didn't say anything."

I wave him off.

"You were a child like me. Your mother should have known better. She should have done something to help."

"They would have taken everything away from us!"

"I don't care! Everything was taken away from me!" I bellow harshly, whipping around to face him.

"Why didn't you tell anyone, then?" He asks quietly.

I grimace, looking away. Suppressed thoughts start to surface.

"Because I've never had to stop and think about it, Malfoy! I repressed it! I didn't even understand fully what had happened until this year. Until I..."

I break off, trembling from my head down to my toes. Malfoy walks around me but I still refuse to look at him.

"Until when, Potter?"

I squeeze my arms around myself. When was it? When did I realize?

"Until I saw Harry touching himself."

I swallow hard, the memory resurfacing. Creeping slowly to his space under the stairs, hearing the low moaning sounds; fear and curiosity running through me. Quiet like a mouse I open the slots to look inside, a low heavy anticipation forming, instantly making my whole body respond. Harry in my minds eye is shirtless, his pale skin such a contrast to the darkness. Harry sucking on something with one hand moving underneath his pants hard and fast, pushing his hips up and down. The strain in his underdeveloped muscles, that pained heady expression, labored breathing.

You could feel the desperateness in every hitched breath of his. He needed to come, was enraptured by his fantasy.

And me, standing out there watching him, wanting to touch him so badly that it ached. Clenching my legs together tightly at the new amazing sensations.

It was then when I remembered.

I remembered being forced to touch him. I remembered gagging around his cock till I thought I'd die from suffocation. I remember the meaty fingers grabbing my body so hard they left bruises, and the out of body experience of overwhelming pain, revulsion and shock.

And then Harry's voice brought me back.

"Hermione." he had moaned, so filled with yearning and then he came into his hand.

I gasped and his eyes flew to me and I ran and that was that. The next day I saw him it was like nothing happened and I thought I'd imagine it all and I shoved it all away.

I sit on the couch lost to my thoughts as Malfoy tries to snap me back.

That had been when Harry had started acting weird. Was it because of that? Could all of this really be because I saw him masturbating and he said my name?

"Hermione."

My eyes snap to Malfoy who has a cold look on his face.

"What about it? Did you get him off? Did you help you brother wank off?"

I stare at him coldly. His jealousy is disgusting. I don't want it from him.

But it's useful.

"Do you want me to touch you, Malfoy? Do you touch yourself wishing it was me?" My words have an immediate gratifying effect on him. His hooded eyes stare fixedly at my lips as I speak. I smile mockingly at him.

"I've never wanted to touch you, you know that of course. I've only ever wanted to do that with Harry. If I had touched him that night, I would have enjoyed making him cum. I wouldn't with you."

I move closer to him, my eyes meeting his directly with dislike. He's tense before me, transfixed despite my heartless words. I tauntingly like my lips and move close enough to kiss. His eyelids flutter, a shaky breath escaping.

He's under my power at that moment. Just like Ron. I look at his lips. They're thin and pink unlike Harry's lips.

"But I suppose you're lucky Malfoy." I say as I move away to grab my wand on the dining table. "Because the object of your desires willing came to you."

I turn to him my eyes hard with my wand in hand .

"However, I'm trapped, Malfoy. I'm not choosing you. If I could have it my way I would never even say your name ever again but since it's like this you might as well be useful to me."

I watched his grey eyes widen and knew I had him. I couldn't help but feel oh-so-very Slytherin.

In that moment of realization, something stirred in my warped and ruined heart. This wasn't right of me to do him. Where was my Gryffindor lionheart?

A humorless laugh escaped me. Who was I kidding? I hadn't really had it in the first place. I had just wanted to be with Harry. I had begged the sorting hat to place me with him. I had always been doing whatever possible to stay with him. Without him my real colors came out. Ugly and twisted. Ruined the moment he had abandoned me and left with only hate.

"Say you want me to use you Malfoy." I demand.

"I want you to use me." It's an immediate reply. I laugh at him. Whereas I'm like a Slytherin, Malfoy's true self must be a Hufflepuff.

"Okay, but you have to listen to everything that I say. If you don't Malfoy I'll use somebody else. It doesn't have to be you, understand?"

"Yes." His voice is heady already lost to a haze of lust.

"You're going to have to prove it."

"Yes."

So compliant. This might actually be good for me too.

"Get on the floor and touch yourself." I order amusement still on my face. Malfoy doesn't hesitate for a second. Immediately he unzips his trousers and bends down to the floor. I lean back against the dining table standing before him.

He pulls his semi-hard cock out from his pants and starts to slide his hands down his shaft. His cock is smaller than Harry's but not by much and darker in color. He stares at me as he does it, spreading the wetness from his precum from the head of his cock down.

The sight of him and this situation in general is intense for me but I don't show it. This is exactly what I wanted. This eagerness, this desperation. Now, in this circumstance the emotions from him that I thought were revolting are exceptional.

"You have no sense of shame do you Malfoy?" I ask with a little smirk tapping my wand against my leg. I walk over to him as he continues to touch himself. Panting with a completely flushed face, Malfoy stares up at me lust-drunk.

I lift my foot up and his breathing stutters as I place it on his shoulder and push him down so he's laying on the floor.

"You don't think it's disgusting at all wanking yourself off as I watch you. You love it, don't you?"

"Merlin, yes!" He groans his hips moving in time with the sliding of his hand, his eyes on me.

I step over him so I'm standing over him with him between my legs.

He reaches one of his wet hands out to touch my ankle but I glare at him and kick his hand away.

"You can't touch me Malfoy, it sickens me."

Malfoy's Adam's apple bobs with a hard swallow. His fully erected cock twitches as he brings his other hand back to his cock his speed going faster.

"Are you going to cum now Malfoy? You didn't last very long now, did you? How pathetic." I hiss. Malfoy lets out another moan, his head falling back and his body straining. His skin shines with sweat and the wet sounds from him wanking sound loud in the silence of the room.

I swish my wand around myself vanishing my clothes

I move up his body until I'm above his head.

"Look at me Malfoy."

Lazily his eyes open, revealing their darkness. He's loving this.

I smirk down at him as he takes in the sight of my naked pussy above him.

"Oh shit!" I twist my body slightly so I can watch him cum. Sperm shoots out landing all over his hands, shirt and floor, his cock visibly throbbing.

I look back down at him smiling as he pants and climbs down from his high. His eyes immediately open to stare straight at my sex. I imagine that I should feel some sort of shame or embarrassment being so exposed but I don't because it's only Malfoy and because I'm the one with the all the power.

"Would you like to taste me?" I ask with faux innocence, spreading myself open and spreading my own wetness.

"Oh god please, yes. Please let me lick you."

Cruelly I laugh at him.

"No." I say as if that's a ridiculous request. However, I lean down sitting practically on his face. He strains his head up sticking out his tongue to taste.

I push his head away and slap his cheek.

"I said no, Malfoy." I say sternly, taking a fistful of his blond hair and pulling it back. "Say you'll behave."

"I'll behave." I like the strained tone of his voice.

"Good. Maybe one day I'll ride your face, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Please, yes."

I let go of his head and smile wickedly at him as I move down his body until I poised over his cock. I move my hips over the air above his reawakening cock

"You'd like it better if I rode your cock, though."

He shakes his head vehemently, his lips parted and panting all over again. I slide my hand down to my pussy touching myself as I rock my hips over him.

"You want to thrust your cock in me so bad right now, don't you?" I ask as I stick my fingers inside. His body starts trembling again, his face completely wanton. I bring my other hand up to my breast. "You're dying to touch me."

"Please, please."

Begging.

God, that sounds so pleasing. I thrust my fingers in and out faster.

"But, ah!mmh! you're...you're not allowed to do that." I gasp, my eyes closing as I go faster, squeezing the nipple of my breast and moving my thumb over my clit.

"Please let me touch you, Hermione. Please let me taste."

"No!" I hiss, opening warning eyes at him as my heart goes wild and sweet make my skin glisten. I moan and now its the wet sounds of my pussy that fill the room. I open my eyes when I hear him moan too.

His touching himself again. his cock getting harder and harder and wetter. I could just sit back slightly and let out naughty bits touch, get off on sliding my pussy up and down his cock without letting him enter me but no. I can't I need to wait and build it up.

I open my eyes to look down at him touch his cock oh so close to my thrusting fingers.

"Fuck, Hermione! Hermione!"

My face scrunches up, my stomach muscles tightening. I orgasm with a loud cry, my body arching. I shoot a hand out before I collapse on Malfoy. For a moment I remain like that hovering over him with my eyes shut as I catch my breath.

I open them to find Malfoy staring at me with his hands still sliding over his cock. He's close too.

"Okay," I say, leaning over to quickly grab my wand before standing up. "That's enough. Get out."

"Wha!"

"Stop touching yourself and get out of here." I say again with no room for argument as I stand back up.

Malfoy looks down at his cock and then back up to me as if to say 'you want me to leave when I'm not done?'

"Get out. If I have to say it again this is over." The sharpness in my tone immediately has Malfoy letting go of his cock. I swish my want and silently accio a robe to cover myself with.

"Herm-"

"You have until I reach the bathroom to get out of here." I say as I make my way over to said door.

I hear Malfoy scrambling to get up. I imagine it must be hard when you have a raging hard on.

"Oh and Malfoy. You're not allowed to do it to yourself or let anyone else do it for you either." I hear the sharp breath Malfoy takes before he replies.

"I-"

"Three more steps till I'm at the door, Malfoy."

His answer is the swoosh of the fireplace.


	11. turning tables

I purposefully don't tell him when to come back. I like to imagine him fretting over when it would be good for him to come. I read while I wait. I can finally concentrate.At least, I try to. Like a perverse masochist, my mind conjures up image after image of him; memory after memory that I somehow seemed to have forgotten during all this, ones that made me look at him as a man and not a brother.  
Cruel.

My whole body trembles and my throat tightens when I think about Harry. I know he's looking for me. Where is he? Who is he with? What face is he wearing right now?

So cruel!

If he was looking for me, I know just what he'd look like.

He'd look so desperate - wild, even - like he'd go mad if he couldn't find me. Also, he'd be cold, hard, predatory - dark fury emitting from him in waves that I dared to leave.

Always what is the right thing to do, that is Harry. Always so two sided, like an angel and a demon take turns whispering into his ears. One day the angel will whisper to him to act pure-hearted, good and righteous, the next he'd be obsessive and possessive; pinning me down and imprisoning me.

Which one is the real you, Harry? What do you really want?

All at once, popping sounds erupt all around me as one after another scrambling house elves appear in the room. They run grabbing my things and putting them in my bags, moving throughout the room like a small bunch of ants.

"Wha-?" Long bony fingers encase my wrist, insistently pulling on me to get out of my chair.

"Miss must hurry! Hurry! Master ordered to hurry! Master will be furious. Quickly miss! Quickly! Miss must come with Dobby!"

"Wait! Wait! What are you doing? What's going on?" I try to wiggle my hands out of his grip to no avail as the emaciated house elf pulls with all its might.

"Miss must come-!"

"Hermione!" I frown with confusion at the sound of Malfoy's call, raising my gaze to the fireplace just when Dobby's pulling makes me slide from the chair and hard onto the floor.

I hiss as pain shot up my knees from the impact just as Dobby's hands disappear. “Move it!" Malfoy bits out, thrusting his arm out and hitting the house elf away, making the fragile body fly and crash into a table. My eyes snap up appalled that Malfoy just threw the poor house elf with such brutality.

"Hermione-" his hands clamp down onto my shoulders, his face red. With anger and disgust I wrench myself away from him. 

"Don't touch me! You just pushed Dobby! What is the matter with you? Look at him! He's hurt!" Malfoy's face turns sour, shaking his head dismissively.

"Who cares about a stupid house elf? We've got to go-" he rushes out, hands reaching for me again. I whip out my wand and point at him, infuriated.

"How dare you just say that! You've just hurt Dobby and you don't even care! How can you treat them like this?” I screech, mind thinking of the Dursley's as I march to the wide-eyed creature.

"No, Miss. Dobby is-"

"Hermione, look, we don't have time for this! You can yell at me later but we have to go!” I turn to glare at him, sparks spitting out from the tip of my wand.

"If you think I'd go anywhere with you-"

"He's here!" Malfoy bellows desperate and frantic. I stop dead at those words, barely registering the rest "with Dumbledore! We've got to go." He reaches for me again.

Harry's here.

I trail behind Malfoy as he pulls me frantically to the fireplace, shock quickly starting to fade as all the implications of what Harry being here means flood through me. My heart pumped slowly once... twice...

BOOM!

An explosion of energy bursts through me - like when I touched a wand for the first time, like when I cast my first spell. Triumphant. Blazing. Ferocious.

"HA!" Blood pounds through my ears, the corner of my lips curve up. Things around the room started to tremble as my emotions awakened like electricity in my veins.

I knew it! I knew it!

Malfoy flings his hand into the floo powder. I turn my eyes to the entrance just as the door blows off the hinges slamming into a table and statue, breaking them with a loud crash.

Malfoy leaps into the fireplace, dragging me along. Harry’s here. I turn in the green flames as our eyes clash, the force of the emotions and unspoken things pouring out from his to slam into me unmercifully.

A breathy laugh escapes my lips. Finally. Finally.

"HERMIONE!"

We swirl away, his roar echoing in my ears.

So Raw.

I gasp in a breath. It feel like I've been born again. I feel more alive than I had in months. I hadn't even realized until now just how dead inside I had been. My body trembles, senses overloading with excitement, still so absorbed in the moment it blocks out the surroundings. I clutch my shirt above my racing heart.

Uncontrollable. No restraint...

I knew it! He wants me. He wants me! hewantsmehewantsmehewantsme!

The monster inside me purrs with delight. I smile darkly, my unseeing eyes narrowing in thought.

I want to see him beg. I want him weeping with regret.

Behind Harry's eyes a flash of Ginny's moaning face stabs me with jealousy in my mind. It douses the excitement slightly with something more twisted.

I'll make him chase me till he goes mad.

His face from merely seconds ago consumes my mind. How those green eyes had been so wide and desperate when he first burst in. Such a delicious look. And then the way he had looked just before the flames took me. Such anger, such possession in his voice and face.

I moan, clenching my legs together; a new emotion rising. Pure arousal. Just one touch could make me orgasm, I just know it. The wetness has already soaked through my knickers.

I need to be touched. I need to be fucked.

"Hermione..."

Malfoy's voice snaps me back to reality. My eyes shoot over to him and finally realize my surroundings. We were in a room, all rich mahogany wood and grandiose furnishings, similar to the Malfoy hotel but less modern and more medieval.

I could care less about the decor though; there is no one else around, that's all that mattered.

Malfoy stares down at me, his hand still on my elbow. I lick my lips and make a decision. I cannot ignore the ache between my legs that had me wetter than ever. Can't ignore this need to be stimulated, the need to feel pleasure.

I straighten, my wand dropping to the floor as in one swift motion I pull my shirt off.

"What are you doing?" Malfoy askes with a frown on his face, his eyes, however, remained fixated on my movements as I shimmy out of my trousers and reach out to unfasten the hooks of my bra.

"Malfoy," I hear the breath he sucks in as I let my bra slide off and reach out to pull down my knickers."You don't get to ask questions." I reach out and grabbed his hand to bring it to my pussy.

I jolt at the touch with a gasp that Malfoy matches. Just a little pressure on my over sensitive clit makes my walls clench.

"Oh god, I need..." the rest of my words brake off as I try to reign myself in.

I gaze straight into his eyes as I maneuvere his fingers over my clit, and between my folds. I enjoyed the way his eyes widene as he feels for himself the slick wetness that proves how turned on I am.

"S-shit!" He hisses out with a stuttering breath, instantly feeling it himself. I could tell, however, that there is a certain reluctance. The knowledge that what caused such a reaction from me had come from Harry wages a war inside of him. I could see it at the hint of a frown downturning his lips.

I bring my face close to his, sliding a hand up his body to fist in his hair painfully. Our breaths mingle and his eyes darken and become transfixed as if I'd put a spell on him. It makes me want to smile.

"Put your fingers inside me." I order as gentle as if I'd placed a kiss on his trembling lips.

I let go of his hand as he starts breathing deeper, his cheeks stained red with his lust. His fingers part my folds and then finally slip inside me. I let out a small dark laugh as my head falls back and my eyes close. God it feels so good to be filled.

Slowly he pumps his fingers in and out, the only sounds the wet noises from him pleasuring me and our heavy breaths. I release his hair and bring my hands to my hard nipples as his free hand goes down to the curve of my hip to grip it tightly, his lips falling to place kisses and licks on my neck.

"I want you to go faster...harder." He groans into my neck and does as he's told. My own need has me lost. I lift my leg up and he curved his free arm to keep my leg raised. This angle allowed for better penetration. Feeling a deep tension building, my hips move faster and furious over his fingers.

"Merlin help me, your driving me mad Hermione." Draco gasps as I fuck myself using his fingers.

My eyes snap open as a pressure starts to form deep inside me. My heavy pants became labored breathes as I reached out my hands to grip onto his shoulders, my knees becoming too weak to hold me up.

I pictured Harry again and can't help the cry that escapes my lips. I feel almost surprised at how good it feels to have him fingering me.

"Damn! Hermione! I want to fuck you! Please! Please!" Malfoy begs as my walls convulse around his fingers.

My body spasmed as I come intensely. Heat flooded over thighs and by body buckles as my heart pounded insanely in my chest.

I open my eyes to find myself limp in Malfoy's lap, his cock in hand as he slid the tip over my wet pussy continuously with frantic need.

"Please let me put in. I'll go mad if I can't. Please." He keeps begging with a voice I've never heard from him before, his face still buried in my hair. I shiver, a thrill rushing through me and heating me up all over again. I lift my head from his shoulder and muster all my strength to lean back and look at him.

"You want to put your cock inside me?" I ask, teasingly slipping my hand down to him to position him against my entrance. He let out the most honest groan I've ever heard, his face bunching up into a pained expression almost like he was about to cry.

"Yes! God, yes!"

Something dark and lecherous over comes me as I looked at him. Savage even.

I like how powerful I feel having such devotion from him. It made me went to push him further just like what I wanted with Harry. How far could I go with the excuse that he needs to prove himself to me? With the excuse of guilt and hate?

Will you really listen and obey me completely?

Will you let me use you?

Is there a limit?

I've got to find out...How depraved can I be with you?

How much can I hurt Harry if I mess around with you?

"I know you can feel that I'm ready for you." Teasingly I press the tip of him into me. "I'm hot and wet so you'll slide in so easily."

Malfoy, lost in his own sensations keeps chanting something under his breath. I smile darkly.

"But I never told you, you could pull your cock out and start rubbing yourself on me, did I?" Malfoy stops breathing, his eyes snapping open to mine with horror as I gaze at him with cruel eyes but innocent smile.

"No, please-"

I lean over to get my wand and point it at him. A sound like a wounded animal eruptes from him making my smile widen.

"Don't worry Malfoy, I won't hurt you." I flick my wrist as he scrambles back thinking I hexed him. I can't help my laugh as he raises his incredulous eyes at me.

"Hermione-"

"I said I wouldn't hurt you, didn't I?" He gapes, now completely naked. "Besides clothes are just an unnecessary hindrance." I flick my wrist again making Draco lets out a startled shout as he levitates in the air.

"Bloody hell! Hermione, what are you doing?" I ignore him as I levitate him over to his massive bed.

"I think that it would be too nice of me if I just let you fuck me Malfoy." I start conversationally as I go to his bed, wand still in hand.

"Her-"

"Especially since its your father's fault that I was raped." Malfoy's mouth snaps shut as I point my wand at him again.

"What was your first time like, Malfoy?" Something flickers over his face— guilt? shame?— I don't let him answer. "Of course, it was nothing like what I suffered. You didn't feel like you were being brutally ripped in two and you probably didn't think you would die from suffocation because the person on top of you was so fat and gross and huge. Just even thinking about it for a second probably doesn't make you want to kill yourself, does it?"

There were no tears thinking about it this time. Just darkness. Insidious anger.

"You have no idea. None. I would rather be cruio'd over and over than have to go through that again." I squeeze my hand tight around my wand trying to control the trembling. A dark boiling vengeful monster threatens to take me. I could feel it forming from my heart.

"Have you ever experienced something so horrible that your own mind had to forget it? My mind purposefully suppressed it so I wouldn't go mad Malfoy, it was that bad! And yet you think with just a little begging you can just fuck me?"

"No. No, you don't get to fuck me that easily." With a swoosh I have Malfoy bound to his bed with a blindfold over his eyes.

"Fuck!" he lets out with shock, arms flexing and already pulling the binds around his wrist.

"Calm down. Like I said, I'm not going to hurt you Malfoy...I am going to take something from you though." I gaze around the room until my eyes landed on a vase. I accio'd it to me and close my eyes concentrating on transfiguring it to my mental image.

"What do you mean? What are you going to take?"

"Your first time." I answer distractedly.

"But you can't. I've already-"

I laugh as I climb up on the bed and step between his spread bound legs. Standing above him, I enjoy my position and Malfoy's vulnerability. I trail my eyes over him, and almost snort. He's still hard. I balance on one foot as I raise the other to lightly touch it down his shaft. His whole body jerks at the touch, cock twitching. He bites his lip probably to hold back a moan. Retracting my foot I flop down onto my knees to lean over him. His chest rises and falls rapidly as I reach out my hand and force my fingers into his mouth, getting them wet with his spit.

"Not that first time Malfoy." I whisper pulling my fingers away from his mouth and pressing them against his asshole.

"What the bloody fucking hell?!" He cries as his whole body jumping despite being confined.

"It's only fair Malfoy. Hammurabi's code, remember? A first for a first and since I can't do this to your father I'll have to do it to you."

"No. Nonononononono-"

"At least eventually you can feel pleasure. I'm being really kind. I'm not just going to stick it in you without preparing you first. I'm not exactly sure how it works but I know I can get you to like it."

"Hermione please don't do it." A shiver runs through me. I could never get tired of Malfoy begging me.

"You said I could use you Malfoy. You told me you could handle it. I already said that it doesn't have to be you." I harshly remind him.

"This is different!" I could hear it in his voice. This definitely is his limit.

How disappointing.

I gaze at him for a pause. He looks positively glorious bound, blinded and freaking out. For some reason I couldn't help but think he looked utterly suitable like this. His skin in the light looked beautiful, his hair shiny. Everything about him looked pure, like white snow. Yet the black bounds on his wrist, his little pink nipples and the way his body arched because of the restraints all painted a contrastingly sinful picture.

I reached out and touched his limp dick. The talk about shagging him up the ass obviously made him completely turned off. With my index finger I lightly touch the head of his cock watching his reactions fixedly. He jolts and a breath of air escapes him as if he had been holding his breath in fear. Nice.

I placed both hands on his thighs, and then used my fingernails to lightly graze his skin. Goosebumps immediately brake out on his skin as I continue further up his body, down his arms, over his neck. Soothing, circular motions with my fingernails all over.

Malfoy didn't speak, in fact, he bits his bottom lip again to keep from moaning, but the way his body moved into my touches proves he loves it. He reminds me of a cat purring as its owner scratches it just right.

The muscles in his stomach start to visibly convulse as I trail my fingers lower and lower. I like seeing how much he likes it. Light touches like this always feel the best. I remember Harry and I would do this for hours in the dead of the night, taking turns tickling each other till we fell asleep.

I trail my fingers dangerously close to his pelvis, staring in wonder at the way his cock twitches. Lowering my head, I bring my mouth down to his nipples and lick.

"Hermione," he gasps out as I finally bring my hand to lightly graze over his balls. "Please! You're torturing me."

God help me but his begging makes me so wet. Having him like this, pure and innocent-looking, completely at my mercy, bound and ready to be ruined. It stimulates something in me. I wonder if a women should feel like this. Men are the ones that are supposed to corrupt. Men are the ones that are supposed to lead women to sin.

Instead, I'm the one who wants to dirty him. I want him dependent on me.

Breathing hard I lower my mouth again as I watch his rapidly rising chest and his blind folded face, listening to his hitching breathing and desperate little pleads.

"Fuck, Hermione please! Take me in your mouth"

Shit.

My surroundings become fuzzy as my own arousal soars. His body arches as I move my tongue up his thighs my fingers trailing over his flesh. His cock arches up the closer my tongue gets to it. It's a truly magnificent sight to see. It makes me want to give into his request if only just a little.

I blow a bit on the tip of his shaft and enjoy the precum that leaks out. I lick that away quickly and Malfoy positively convulses.

"YES!" He bellowed in the most triumphant way, as if me sucking him off was equivalent to winning the house cup.

"Please, I want to see you doing it Hermione. Please let me watch.”

Ignoring him, I trail my hands over his thighs as I lick up his shaft then back down and further still to his balls. Malfoy begs me a few more times, writhing in pleasure as I suck on his balls and lick them all over still. By the time I make my way back up Malfoy is incapable of doing anything but moaning. I take him inside of my mouth and his whole body arches. I give a hard suck as I pull him in deeper and deeper until he hits the back of my throat. I take him even deeper still, sticking out my tongue and keeping a cool head against my throats demand to stop. Then concentrating on my breathing, I swallow around his dick.

Malfoy roars, cumming instantly. My eyes water at the onslaught and I'm forced to swallow around him again before I pull away. Were both gasping for breath but I recover faster than he does and while he's still coming down from the high I make my move. Grabbing my wand I perform a cleaning charm on his rectum making Malfoy cry out in surprise with a jolt.

"What the bloody hell was that?" he asks breathlessly. I ignore the question again.

"I really enjoyed sucking you off, Malfoy." I say partially to distract him partially because it was true. It surprised me how much I enjoyed doing it.

"Please don't do it Hermione. I'll give you anything you want just not that." I frown up at him though with the blindfold on he can't see. I toy with the idea of just ignoring him but something stops me.

"Fine, but that's the last time I'll ever compromise for you Malfoy. I'll leave if you ever make me do that again." I mean it too. The grip Malfoy hands have on his bonds loosens as he breathes out a sigh of relief. I huff and reach up to untie his blindfold so he could see my displeased expression.

"Did you hear me?" I order as he looks up at me, pale gray eyes digging in deep as he nods. He looks up at me with something like adoration which made me feel distinctly uncomfortable.

"Yes," I glare down at him as he reaches one bound hand out, as if to touch my face before its restrained. What is his problem? I get the distinct feeling I'm missing something as he gazes at me. It’s intense and I don't like it one bit.

"What?" I hiss at him. Malfoy looks away and I see him actually wipe that look off his face before he looks back at me. His eyes go first to my exposed chest, hovering just out of range and something dark and gleeful passes over his face, wiping the other look away completely.

"Fuck, Hermione, you've got..." he trailed off and I look down to find I've got his cum on my chest. I sit back onto my heels and use a finger to wipe at some of it. I look at him to find him watching me intensely. A wicked grin forms on my face knowing just what he wants. I suck on my finger and release it with an audible pop, laughing lightly at the deep groan he releases at my actions.

I wonder for a split second why I indulge him when he just disappointed me. I shake it off however as I'm distracted by his cock already almost erect.

"Doesn't take much to please you, does it Malfoy?" I ask teasingly.

"You have no idea how sexy that is, Hermione. I wish you would have let me watch you. I would have loved to see what you look like with a mouth filled with my cock."

"Well too bad, as punishment for earlier I'll blind fold you again if I decide I want your dick in my mouth." Unadulterated lust crosses his face at my words making me smile. Again I take my finger to wipe his cum and then I hold it out to him.

"Want to taste yourself?" I ask as if I were offering tea and biscuits. Malfoy frowns and turns his head away making me laugh.

"Ew."

"Close your mouth." I order lightly, watching him through lidded eyes. He does what I say with slight apprehension. Devilishly, I smear his cum over his lips making him wince in disgust and then, keeping my gaze on his, I lean over him and lick it all away, sucking his lips into my mouth. Immediately the disgust fades and a moan erupts from him.

"Why is that so erotic? That shouldn't be so fucking sexy."

I throw my head back and laugh, enjoying this complete power I have over him. When I look at him again, he has that look on his face that makes all my laughter fade. Looking away I lean back to take in his cock which his now considerably harder than before. I straddle it and Malfoy sucks in a sharp breath.

Slowly, I slide my folds down the length of his cock making us both gasp. I look at Malfoy as he stares back at me so intensely.

"Tell me, Malfoy," I start breathily, sliding myself over him in a crude imitation of fucking "do you react this way for anyone else?"

I don't know why I ask this question. I immediately regret it- it sounds too needy and vulnerable. Yet at the same time I wait for his answer.

"You know I don't, Hermione." his answer is immediate and serious. "You could do anything, you can...you can even do that to me. I take back what I said earlier."

I still over him and he swallows hard. I eye him for a minute and he meets my stare.

"Really? I ask, now sliding further down to finger lightly at his anus. Gritting his teeth he nods, completely resigned to my ministrations.

"And if I ruin you?" I ask not stopping but not going any further.

"You've already ruined me for life." He states it so matter-of-factly.

Swiftly, before he could even react, I sit up and then slam myself down, his cock sliding into me hard and fast. We both cry out. It hurts even though I'm wet. I sit with my hand braced on his chest waiting to adjust to him inside of me. His chest rises and falls rapidly and I can feel his heart hammering under my hand.

Sorry Harry, I think as I stare down at Malfoy's positively enraptured face. Experimentally I move, sliding myself up almost fully unsheathing him before slamming back down.

Malfoy's head flies back a groan leaving him as his hands clenched against his bounds.

"Wow," I breathe doing it again. I feel him so deeply inside of me. It's delicious. I feel beyond hot and full. I move and something inside of me makes my entire body clench in pure bliss, making Malfoy practically shout.

"Shit, you might break me, Hermione!" He gasps. I laugh unbidden. Bringing up my knees I'm practically squatting over him as I quicken my pace. I ride him furiously, the slapping of our skin and gasps so fucking sinful.

"Damndamndamn." Malfoy chants, looking positively pained as I work us both, my movement becomes frenzied as a pressure builds low in my stomach. Fasterfasterfaster

Abruptly, I stop again, making Malfoy's eyes snap to me, I sit back changing my position as I lean my hands back and brace myself from behind, siting over him now like a backward crab. It gives him a completely unobstructed view of his dick sliding in and out of my pussy.

I move again faster and he watches our joined hips fixedly.

"Fuck that's so...shit!" He doesn't finish, throwing his head back with a pained expression instead.

"You better not cum before I do Malfoy," I gasp out sounding beyond winded.

I see him nod and grit his teeth. I change positions back onto my knees, grinding myself furiously and his cock hits something inside of me and suddenly I'm screaming, pure pleasure vibrating through me as that pressure explodes. I'm almost vaulted off of Malfoy as his hips arch into me, cumming with a roar. I feel his hot cum shooting deep inside of me setting me off even more.

I come back to myself to find I'm sprawled over him, my face in the crook of his neck. His skin glistens with sweet and I follow the impulse to lick it. Malfoy's breath stutters. I stay there for a few moments, feeling languid and so damn relaxed. His arms flex and I'm reminded that he's bound uncomfortably. Sighing I sit up, ignoring the feelings of his eyes on me as I reach for my wand. With a flick his bounds vanish. I crawl off of him to sit beside him, watching as he rubs his flaring red wrists.

"Hermione," he starts, his voice careful. I feel the need to bolt but keep myself calm.

"Where is your bathroom, Malfoy?" I ask as I get up, my tone nonchalant. I hear Malfoy sigh.

"Dobby!" he calls and immediately that same house elf from earlier appears. I jump at the abruptness of the elf's arrival and am annoyed again as I remember the way Malfoy treated him earlier.

"Yes Master Draco?" the elf asks.

"Take Hermione to the bathroom and provide some clothing for her as well." He orders in that annoying snobbish way of his that sets my teeth on edge.

"Malfoy!" I hiss sharply, making Malfoy's whole demeanor change.

"But it's just a-" I glare at him fiercely cutting off the rest of his words before I turn to the house elf.

"Please and thank you, Dobby. I would really appreciate it." Dobby beams at me.

"Its Dobby honor Miss!" He said before he grabs my hand. We’re gone in a flash.


End file.
